Planet
WAAGH
The
Incredible Hulk/Warhammer 40,000
The Location: Geo-synchronous orbit above the Planet Earth, S.H.I.E.L.D Defensive station Arch-angel class No 01, primary control center.
The Hulk wiped the smear of crushed metal & oil from his massive forehead with an equally over-sized palm.
"Stupid machine, thought it could grow stronger than Hulk, thought it could think Hulk away, just like puny Banner."
The Hulk lumbered over the "corpse" that had once been an adaptive S.H.I.E.L.D A.I robot and through the disintegrating space station that now, without a guiding consciousness was spasming in its death-throes. That hardly mattered to him, since mere bursts of poisonous gas, corrosive coolant, superheated flame, electrified surfaces and rapid depressurization could not stop the unstoppable, couldn't hurt the indestructible, could not hinder The Mighty Hulk.
Still, even he would need to breathe eventually, so he lumbered on, a juggernaut smashing through any and all obstacles in his path, through titanium wall after titanium wall towards the escape shuttle Fury had told him about before sending him to destroy the rogue A.I. All he wanted to do now was to go back to Earth where maybe he would earn some respite for himself and "puny Banner."
'For what?'
Hulk spat a wad of green phlegm that melted through a metal lock.
'So that you can be alone again? Eating insects and mushrooms in the desert?"
Hulk smashed through door after door as if they were made of tissue or flesh rather than 150cm thick steel, trying to ignore the voice in his head. Unsuccessfully.
' So you can feed squirrels and fawns in a forest? So you can grub for Acorns & mushrooms in the forests?'
"Shut UP!"
Hulk's shout would have inspired terror in any living being unfortunate enough to hear it, were it not for the fact that the depressurization had reached the point that vacuum precluded his voice carrying beyond his lips.
'So you can hurt or kill the few beings that still don't want to kill you? "Hulk need no-one" indeed, What about Jones, your dear cousin Jennifer...'
Hulk ripped the airlock door of its hinges as if it were leaning rather then welded into the stations walls, his mouth wording silent (If simple) obscenities.
' So you can kill your dear Betty all over again?'
Air billowed around the Hulk as he entered the shuttle's interior allowing his voice to be heard, and to be heard so as to shake the ship to its foundations; "-HUT! U-... Wait, Banner always "says" we when we think of Betty. You're not Banner, and you're not one of my other selves. Who Are YOU?!"
'I'd hoped to convince you peacefully so that this wouldn't be necessary. Look to the view-screen and We'll explain, and for what it's worth - We-I'm sorry'.
Four men appeared on the main computer screen of the shuttle - Men known to Bruce Banner as Reed Richard, Charles Xavier, Tony Stark & Stephen Strange.
To the Hulk they were often thought of as: Stretchy-man (Mister Fantastic), Silly little bald man (Professor X), Metal-head (Iron Man) & Magician (Doctor Strange). To both Bruce Banner and his alter ego they had often been thought of as allies if not even friends at times. At least up until now.
Now they told him that he was "A Monster", "Dangerous," a beast, "savage," uncontrollable, "a menace to all life on Earth." They ignored the many times he had saved the world that so hated and despised. They told him that he was being exiled, banished, relocated to "a distant planet" one empty of living life. They said that it was for the benefit of life on Earth and that they were also thinking of "His own good." They said that they were his friends.
They said that they were doing this for the sake of their planet.
The shuttle bumped out of dock with the disintegrating station and its long distance engines jerked violently into life, its coned nose pointed away from the glistening, blue-green life bearing orb that was Earth and towards a distant star and desolate brown planet.
Hulk was angry.
The interior of the shuttle and walls protecting the engines and navigation controls were heavily fortified, laced with titanium and even secondary adamantium, force-fields capable of blasting a man into ash in a millisecond, and had the further reinforcements of wards of magical protection, polarity-reversed neutronic Graviton particles, psychic fields of antipathy and all the other precautions laid in wait for the Hulk by the so-called Illuminati.
But Hulk was angry.
The shuttle was now in mid transition, any damage to its engines now could send it careening out of its flight path and towards time, space and places unknown, but Hulk did not care for that.
For Hulk Was ANGRY.
The Hulk ripped at the shuttle's interior, reducing it to shreds, ignoring the pathetic defenses that burnt at his skin and melted bone & muscle, ignoring the red alarm consoles and blaring klaxons that sounded as the shuttle careened out of its route through dimensions and fluctuating Warp fields towards a planet.
The Wrong planet.
It crashed, violently leaving a trail of debris a quarter mile wide and 3 miles long, depositing its cargo turbulently into a crater of his own.
The creatures were small, the colour of rotting cheese. They scurried towards the crash site yammering to each other and gawked at the huge green giant that lay sprawled in a smoking, dust filled crater.
"Wazzzzat?"
"Dunnow"
"Lets Eats IT!"
"Yaaayzz!""Yaaayzz!""Yaaayzz!""Yaaayzz!"
The foremost of them (it being taller by half an inch than the others and possessor of the most magnificent proboscis) approached the body, its massive, sensitive nostrils bared.
"Smells like a humie covered with our fat git of a boss" It tittered before taking a bite from the Jade titans elbow.
The Hulk's eyes snapped open as he felt the thing pierce his skin before slapping at it, reducing it to a greasy smear on the ground.
Its bold companions saw this and undertook the sensible act in such circumstances -
"YAAAAA, Ruuuuuun!!"
"EEEEEEEE"
"Every Gretchin for himself"
"I don't want to do anything for 'himself'"
"Dat means you, Fwit!"
"Then Every Gretchin For Meeeeee..."
-to run in a panicked frenzy in every direction possible.
The Hulk ignored them, he was far too weak and drained from his travails to bother with a pack of what looked like miniature greenish-yellow Mole-men. He slowly began to rise to his feet, tottering before collapsing in a sprawled heap.
This fact went unnoticed by the panicking gretchin, but not by their approaching master, the two and a half meter tall, heavily muscled, pot-bellied Ork Gargoz Quick-Whip of the Goffs Ork clan.
"Wellz, Wellz," Gargoz grunted, "looks like I gots me a new slave and some teef".
To be
continued...
-----
Darkness. Light. Shadows. A blurred figure, slowly touching his lips and opening his mouth with small, slender fingers. Hulk closed his eyes again and waited for the cobwebs to pass.
"Beh-ty?"
He opened his eyes fully to the sight of a huge warty nose pressed up into his eye as a warty Gretchin pried at his teeth with a rusty dagger. Hulk's bone-rattling roar sent the Gretchin flying, though not without a clutched pearly-white prize.
"Wellz, Wellz, Wellz. Looks to me likes me new slave, da sleepin beaut's woken up Har Har ".
The Slave-master Gargoz lumbered
into view, a foul corpulent mass of blubber and muscle brandishing
what looked like a massive, bright red Cat-o-Nine Tails with carving
knives (Or 'Choppas' as they were affectionately known as among
Orkoids universe-wide) attached to its tips.
Hulk looked at the
creature with loathing in his eyes (anyone who called him a slave was
not high in his list of "Things not to destroy"), though
also with powerful energy binders on his limbs.
"Release me now or I bwill/b rip your arms apart, twist your legs off, squash your head like a grape and then i'll eat whatever is left"
Whatever reaction Hulk was expecting, the slaver bursting into a deep rumbling laugh was not it.
"So yod
gibe an Ork a 'lobe tap' would ya? Har Har Har A puuny runtty
weenie maggot liks yoo, a runt o' a green bellied Yoof o' a Hummie
like yaz? har, har, har .
"Just ya try it ya Snotling
lovin Wuss"
Gargoz kicked a nearby Snotling (a tiny wretch of a thing that made even a Gretchin look like a Warboss by comparison) impelling it into opening Hulk's binders with a rusty metal key.
"Mizzable Slaveboyz" It squeaked before getting splattered into the ground as Hulk stepped towards Gargoz. He took a step, stumbled, swayed then rose, a slow burning flame ignitted in his eyes as he took another surer step towards the fool who had dared impugn on his strength before staggering under a renewed wave of weakness.
"The Crash... Something happened in the ship's crash, maybe the radiation or-"
Hulk's
train of thought was violently derailed by Gargoz's fist slamming
into his gut then a knee rising into his gut as he began to
fall.
Gargoz held him up with one hand, a sneer on his
face.
"HAR! I'ze nevah seen a puniah hummie than ya, not
even your tasty little pink grubs. What, ya'r coloured Green koz ya
wannta be more like us Boyz?" A nother knee slammed into Hulk's
midriff. "Koz ya wannta be more like the Strongest ob de Tuff?"
A fist plowed into Hulk's temple. "Koz ya wanna be more like da
Orks? colorgreenWAAAGH!/color"
He
slammed his weapon into Hulk's back, each tail attached Choppa raking
long, bloody furrows in Hulk's back & side.
"Dat woz me just goin up ta Two on ya wid me 12 Tailed Squig . What a Puunie weakling Har Har ".
SLAM - A huge green fist propelled by sheer fury slammed into Gorgaz's hand, smashing the "Squig" out of his hand.
"Hulk Not WEAK!".
Gargoz laughed iagain/, a foul odour of rotting meat and bones washing over the small slave pen (Causing a cowering Gretchin to faint after getting a full dose up the nostril).
"Dats more likes it, ya may be puuny buts yar bester dan most puuny humies. Now'z ya comin wib da rest ob da scum to meets Da Cheef wi me N' Da rest ob da Slaverboyz".
Hulk spat a lump of green blood as he faced the Slave-master.
"You and what army of "Boys"?"
Gorgaz smiled as a dozen lean & hungry looking Orks (Though shorter than Gorgaz himself) came into the room brandishing large, unwieldy (if threatening looking) guns. (Or 'Shootas' as they were lovingly called)
"Dez Boyz. Now gets movin Greeny Har-Har-Har-Har ".
"Lives to fight another day" was not a saying familiar to the Hulk but it was to Bruce Banner. The Hulk staggered through the maze of dank corridors, towards "Da Big Arena".
Many miles away, "Da Cheef", or as he was known to his unfortunate enemies, The Ork Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka, the 6 meter tall paragon of all that was Orky entered the Hut. His "bodyguard" of 33 'Nobz' waited outside Da Hut and whiled the time by testing their new Fasty shoot Shootas on each others heads.
Within its shadowy interior and Escher-ian contours dwelled the biggest (and craziest) of the Oddboyz - Mekboyz, Weirdboyz, Painboyz, Techboyz and Buildboyz - All Boyz labouring together (When they didn't try to eat, kill or experiment on each other) for the greater advancement of Orkydom (In Ghazghkull words. They merely said "Lets ave some fun n blow stuff up bester!").
There in the laboratories they concocted potions from the thousands of bright coloured (often via artificial colouring) & bubbling bottles, flasks, beakers, flagons, basins, vials, test-tubes glasses & goblets of chemicals, metals, acids, alkalines, genetic material extracts, mud, grass, feces, blood, hairs, Ork skin and stranger substances from beyond the ken of any Ork. (That is, beyond Mud, meat and Green).
Ghazghkull ignored all of this and the various toxic fumes that wafted in clouds throughout the corridors of the labyrinthean complex as he searched for his pet "scientist".
"Herr Doktor
Valdemart!" Called the Titan of Orkydom, his voice echoing
through the corridors and bouncing around them until they reached the
amputated ears of their intended recipient.
A door slid open
in one of the walls and an Ork jumped out. He spun around, pulled off
his black face mask (A tubed contraption that covered his head and
resembled the mating of a caterpillar with a Catachan death ant),
spotted the 6 meter tall Ghazghkull standing in front of him then
saluted martially with his hands outstretched.
"Javol, I am heer Mein Fuhrer. Vat are your commandz her Totenkopf?"
Ghazghkull repressed the primitive (If classically Orky) urge to kick the runty 170 Centimetre tall freak. "Oddboyz" he sighed mentally.
"Herr Doktor. I have bought you a number of my finest Goffs born Knobs for the experiments". The Warlords voice was cool, cultured and almost refined, a strange thing from a towering metal headed killing machine who bore a massive tower of Space marine heads on his back.
"Eexcellente, Zis shall be of ze greatezt of zuses in creating Ze Ubermensche!"
"Sup-Ork you mean".
"Ja, Ja , Ze Uber-Krork. At verst ve zall tezt ze newezt Veapons of de Huge extinction on zem".
"Yes,
Yes" waved Ghazghkull, accidentally punching a hole in
the Ferrocrete wall.
"But what about the bio-weapons I
told you to develop? The plagues and further improvements to the
control Fungus?"
The Doktor adjusted his spectacles and donned his monocle.
"Ze plagues have resulted in ze creation of a peerless infiltrator, a deadly killing machine - Behold!"
Out of the shadows it emerged - A gretchin but no normal Gretchin!
"Why is that Gretchin bright yellow?" Sighed Ghazghkull.
"Zis is der great result of my viruses, Ze Air marshal Tycholanix, ze Virus which I released to ze vild"
"You. Did WHAT?... Continue". Again Ghazghkull forced himself to repressn the urge to rip out his metal plated head-cover for use as a beating stick, instead he lifted the Gretchin with his claw and examined it.
"Ze virus
changes the colourations of the infected to ze primary colour of True
Orkyaness, Yellow! And it changes ze speech patterns to closer match
zose of ze lesser vaces to faciliate zer Extinction under de glorious
boots of our mazter Race".
He saluted Ghazghkull
again, hitting himself in the head from the enthusiasm of his
salutes. Ghazghkull showed his opinion by swallowing the Tych'
whole and pointedly scratching his long teeth while examining the pot
bellied Doktor.
"Ah... Ze Eugenic zlave race mind control program for zuperior Ork zlaves has shown an improvement in zee pain reception levelz by az many timez over az you are greater than the leaderz of ze lezzer races! All zat remains now iz to find test subjectz to be implanted vit ze fungus to test its ability to control ze slaves and to impart pain upon their vortless hides at the veleaze of ze slightezt of zmells zenzitive to ze fungus!"
"What's wrong with the slaves used in the gladiatorial Arenas?"
"Mein Gotts, ve have fighting zlaves in ze Zlave Arenas!?!. Joo are a true Geunius Mein Fuhrer!".
"Of course I am, theres a reason as to why I am The Big Boss and warlord of these hordes". ('Idiot' he thought to himself).
