Chapter One

It all began when I was thirteen. I began to wonder if there was a way to redo things in life; if there was a way to change the bad things into something good. I never got that answer. I only got to ask the questions. The things that I've done and the things that I've said, I wish there was a way to redo it, and I bet that everyone else who lives in this selfish world feels the same way. Though, if everything was supposed to be the way that it happened, why do I feel like it wasn't supposed to? My name is Amy. Amy was my grandmother's name; she died the day I was born, March 19th 1990. Ever since the day I was born, something told me, something was waiting for me. I just don't know what.

It was Monday, the first day of school of my third year of middle school. Last night I had the same dream that I've had the last past months. It made no sense to me. I wanted to know more about it but, I knew there was no answer to it. I went down stairs to find my older brother and my father down at the table. My mother had recently died of leukemia a couple weeks ago; my father and brother seem to be taking it hard lately. It's not that I don't love my mother it's just that, when people die, they find a place where they love to be at. I don't blame her for leaving us; this world is such a horrid place anyways. Sometimes I even wanted to find a way to die but, I knew it was wrong. Anyways, it seemed as if my father and brother didn't notice me walk in. Kyle, my brother, just staring at his food and my father was just sipping his coffee looking at nothing.

"So…" I tried to start a conversation with my so called family. "Are we going out for pizza with the Jenkins?" The Jenkins are our close friends, they new my mother and father since high school.

My father looked up at me, shaking his thoughts to the side. "I haven't heard from them, why don't you ask Kim while you're at school, see what's going on." Kim was my best friend; she was the youngest daughter of the Jenkins.

I looked at Kyle. His long black hair covering his face made me have an urge to pull it back. "Kyle, why do you always have your hair in your face?" I leaned over and tried to pull it back but, before I could do so, he pushed my hand away.

"Get away from me Amy. You such a pain in the ass, you know that?" He shouted as he stood up.

Father gave Kyle a stern look as he gave him a warning. "Watch your mouth boy. If you keep saying foul words I'd just have to do something about it."

Kyle gave a snort as he picked up his backpack and walked out the back door slamming it. Kyle looked like a tough bad boy but, deep down he has a kind heart. He started this look last year when he was seventeen, I don't really know what started all of this but, I bet it has to do with his life just like my actions is my life.

I didn't give my father a good-bye; I just walked out of his sight wondering how life would be if Kyle wasn't the bad boy he was or how life would be if my mother hadn't passed away. Sometimes I even wonder how life would be if I would just stop thinking about stupid things like this. Everyone knows that there isn't a redo button for life.

My school wasn't that far away from where I live, maybe about a mile away or something. When I turned around the block I saw Kim ahead of me. I ran towards her and yelled out her name. "Kim! Kim!"

Kim stopped and turned around. "Hey Amy, how's everything going? You know, with your family and all." She asked as we began to walk again. Kim was the kind of person who cares about everything even though it's the smallest thing.

"I guess you can say it's all right." I said. "I mean, I'm taking it pretty well." Right then I couldn't help but notice that Kim looked different today. "You look different today, Kim." I said as I walked in front of her while walking backwards.

Kim gave me a confused look. "How do I look different?" She asked with a bit of curiosity to her question.

I stepped a side to walk beside her. "I don't know, you just seem" I paused, "different."

We walked up the to school gates. There were tons of kids our age in different groups. There were the geeks, the preps, the loners, the punks, and just different people hanging out with friends. Of course, I didn't have a group, just me and Kim. We mostly talked to everyone. We were just an outcast from everything. At times Kim would ditch me to hang out with some other people. I didn't mind, I was kind of happy for her but, for some reason, I could never be happy with myself. Most people didn't really want to talk to me. Probably the way I look. My fair skin and dark hair, my eyes were the only thing that I only had in the school. My eyes were pure black. It mostly scared people, thinking I was some kind of demon or something. My school was very different; my school was the least place I wanted to be at.

As the bell rang all the kids scattered around to get to their classes before they were tardy. Kim and I parted our own ways as we went our separate class. On my way I got lost in my thoughts, thinking about how school would be if the kids were all together. Right then I found myself on the floor with my papers scattered around and a voice calling my name. I looked up and I saw David Spade holding out his hand to help me up.

"You ok?" He asked when I grabbed his hand and pulled me up. David was a boy in all my classes. He was kind and generous, very shy and yet out going, the type of guy everyone wants to be with.

I don't recall myself bumping into him but, I'm pretty sure I did since I was on the floor and he was helping me up. "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." I said leaning over to pick up my papers. He shortly joined me.

"I'm sorry about that; I didn't see where I was going." He said as he was handing me back my papers.

"That's ok, I wasn't paying attention myself." I said. It was a bit embarrassing bumping into on of the most popular guys in the school. I don't like him or anything it's just that other people were looking at us, and they might get the wrong idea… Okay, maybe I do think he's cute but, I doubt anything would happen. "Well, I better be heading off to class." I said then turned around before people could think even more. It was like I could read their mind or something. I just had a feeling.

As I walked into Mr. Thomason's class room, I sat down at my desk. There were some faces I've never seen before, they were probably new. I could also tell that they were nervous. Anyways, Mr. Thomason explained rules like no other teacher wouldn't do. I was just tired of being informed of rules and things that was required. I let my thoughts run off again. I can't control them, they just happen. If teachers didn't explain rules, would it change anything from what will still happen? I mean, we all know that they will break them anyways.

At lunch everyone sat with their friends. Kim sat with some of her friends, I didn't mind, she deserves to see her friends. As of me, I sat on the steps of the library. I didn't have that much packed for my lunch, just an apple and a carton of milk. I picked up the apple and starred at it. How was things given a certain color, size, or shape? Was it meant to be that way? Or does it feel like it wasn't supposed to be?

At that moment my hand lost its feeling and the apple dropped. A minuet later the feeling came back. I picked up the apple and noticed it had received a bruise. My hand loses its feeling occasionally; doctors say it has something to do with the nerve. Anyways, the bell for lunch ended and we were off to class.

I walked home from school that afternoon. I entered the house to find that no one was there. My conclusion is that father was still at work and Kyle might have went somewhere with friends. I walked up stairs and into my room. It seemed as if these days there was nothing to do. To me, the sky was always gray, the grass is always dead, and the spirit in everyone was gone. I remember as a child, hopscotch was the main game but, whatever happened to it? It's like it disappeared. No one even talks about it anymore. I guess we are not supposed to talk about the past, because the past was then and this is now but, why does it feel as if the past is weighing on my shoulders? I honestly don't know.

The phone rand right when I finished that thought. I picked up the phone and heard a familiar voice. It was Kyle. "Amy, is Dad there? It's an emergency." He said. I never really heard him talk like how he did. It made me want to ask questions.

"No he's not." I paused. "What happened? Where are you?" I tried to make him pour out the details.

Kyle gave a sigh of frustration. "Damnit!" He yelled into the phone.

Before I could ask him what happened again, he hung up. I turned off the phone and set it back in its charger.

Right then father opened the door. "Kyle called; he said it was an emergency." I said to him. Father looked a bit dazed at the moment. "Dad?" I said a bit louder.

Fathers head jerked up and looked at her. "What did he want?" He asked her as he walked into the kitchen.

I followed behind him and sat at the kitchen table. "He didn't tell me, he hung up to fast but, he told me it was an emergency." I said. I was a bit nervous. I didn't know what happened. What if something happened to him? I don't know how my family would be like if something happened to my brother. Loosing my mother was already bad.

"I see." He walked over to the phone and picked it up. He began to dial some numbers. After a long silence father began to talk. "Hey, did you call?" he asked. he then began to start a conversation with Kyle. They exchanged some words until my father spat out, "You what?!" Then that's when Kyle told what had happened.