Leonard was worried; Pavel had been very quiet lately, very secretive. No matter how many cuddles Leonard tried to give him, Pavel remained silent. Not only did Leonard feel worried, however, he also felt bad. The more distant Pavel became, the more Leonard missed Jim.

That night Leonard couldn't sleep. Alone in his bed, it was Pasha's turn to do the night shift on the bridge, he tossed and turned, his thoughts solely on his boyfriend. Would it be best if the relationship was to end? If Pavel's trust in him had gone, how could it work? After three agonizing hours Leonard couldn't stand it anymore, he got out of bed and went to find his other half. He hazily wandered through the empty corridors and made his way onto the bridge. He began to shiver; lost in his own thoughts Leonard had forgotten to put any layers on his top half. The doors silently slid open, and there, wrapped in a giant blanket, was Pavel Chekov.

Pavel had his back to the door, and had hadn't noticed that anyone had come on board. Leonard went down to sit in Sulu's chair, as Pavel had left the captain's chair unoccupied and was seated in usual spot instead. Pavel turned slowly turned his head. Tears were streaming down his face. "Oh, baby" whispered Bones, "come here". The little Russian slid onto the large lap of Leonard McCoy. The Russian had one leg either side of his boyfriend and his arms wrapped round his neck. Leonard had his arms tightly wound Chekov's waist and the blanket wrapped round their abdomen only knotted them tighter. Pavel rested his head on Leonard's chin, and his whole body shook.

"I'm sorry" whispered Pavel "I'm so sorry." Leonard squeezed him harder, "Baby, it's okay, just tell me what's wrong". Pasha's dark eyes met Leonard's, "I love you, remember that" he whispered. Slowly, he untangled his left arm from the blanket, and, even more slowly, he withdrew his sleeve. There, to Leonard's horror, on Pasha's wrist and forearm, were slits. Some only minutes old. The horizontal blood red lines hardly left any flesh intact.

Tears welled up from within Leonard and poured down his face. This is what had been bothering his baby boy. It certainly explained a lot - like the missing medical supplies. But, dammit, how did he not notice? Did this mean Leonard wasn't good enough?

Leonard tore his eyes away from Pasha's arm and looked back into his eyes. He finally saw the crushing pain and soul destroying anger that Pasha had been hiding.

"I've always loved you' he whispered.

"I know" was the reply.