This is a one shot about Alec and Magnus after City of Lost Souls. At the moment just a one shot but if you want me to develop it into a story them just review or Pm me. I mean, it would be great if you could do that anyway, I love feedback. Anyway, here you go.
Alec sat on his bed, staring into the darkness, staring into one of the many images that had filled his brain throughout the past week. He had tried to sleep, but it avoided him, and not matter how much he grabbed at it and chased it around in circles it did elude him, like a shadow. There but unreachable, like an incomprehensible distance separated it from Alec, even when it was right around the corner. Just like how it was with Magnus.
Magnus. The name hurt, cutting through Alec and leaving his heart in shreds. And then smashing what remained into pieces. The image that stared at him constantly even through this awake darkness was his face the way it had been the last time Alec had seen him. Heartbroken. Filled with an age old sadness lit up by the glowing colours of the witchlight that had been held between them. That shouldn't have happened. Maybe it was because of the love they had used to hold for each other. Or the grief. Or the betrayal. Alec didn't know. He just knew that he had been stupid. He had been an idiot and now he had lost everything he had learnt to love. Everything he nearly lost everything for.
God, he'd even lost his siblings over the past days. He had grown distant, first irritable and then just falling into the darkest despair imaginable. He remembered very little of what had happened after Magnus had ended it all. There were the blurred memories of going to kill Camille, of finding Maureen in her place. Of being such an emotional wreck that he had been able to kill the fourteen year old and watch the light drain from her frightened, mad eyes. He remembered stumbling through the Institute doors, screaming at Jace and Izzy and Clary when they had asks if he was alright. He had sprinted to his room and locked himself away, refusing to eat, to talk. After a few days even his parabatai had given up on him. He was fixed beyond repair. The only thing that could heal his wounds was the one who had been forced by Alec's own hand to inflict them. He had brought this upon himself. He was the only one to blame.
Alec placed his head into his hands, trying as hard as he could not to sob. Shadowhunters didn't cry, but he hadn't been able to control his emotions. He could still see Magnus's face imprinted on his memory, eating him away. This was going to end up killing Jim. Hell, it already was killing Jim. He had barely eaten - he couldn't remember the last time food had passed his lips. He had hardly drunk anything that hadn't been alcohol which instead of taking away the difficult emotions had just amplified them until they had become a new type of unbearable. He had barely slept, and the little rest he had managed to snatch from this awful game his head was playing with him had been littered with once happy memories that now just filled Alec with an emptiness that filled him up and seeped its way into his brain.
He had to do something. He had never wanted to hear the voice of his former boyfriend more, but Jace had smashed his phone up when he had just been calling Magnus over and over and being unable to speak - he may have been able to avoid speaking to Jace but he hadn't been able to stop the boy breaking into his room. At the same time Alec never wanted to hear the voice of the High Warlock of Brooklyn for the rest of his life, however short it may turn out to be. He was just confused and lost and broken. And there was nothing he could do but slowly die waiting for a non existent ray of hope to break into the darkness of his life.
Magnus lay on the couch, string at the ceiling, Chariman Meow perched on his lap - although he didn't really register the cat's presence. He had just been visited by Jace. Jace, Alec's best friend. Alec's brother. Alec's parabatai. Jace had never been anything to Magnus but associated with Alec. Another painful remainder of the happiest months of his entire 800 year existence. And the single most difficult week.
The boy had been right. Magnus was in an awful way - if he had been his normal self there was no way that take out containers would be littering the place and his face would not have been totally devoid of make up. He had been ripped apart, his heart blown up inside his chest and slowly dying there. He knew Jace wanted him to get back together with his former boyfriend. And he understood the other boy's reasons. But he couldn't bear to do so. He hurt so much, and in the confusion since he had last seen Alec he has forgotten whether that was because of the betrayal he had witnesses or the agony of not having his only comfort to come back and comfort him. He was screwed.
He ran a hand through his normally sparkling and spiked up dark hair. Today, it hung loose around his shoulders, limp and lifeless, much like himself. He was close to giving up. He wanted Alec back so badly, but he wanted to stay away so much that it was killing him either way. Magnus had never lost hope in anything before, not even when things had seemed so difficult that they seemed to have no ending. But here he was, doing just that. Magnus curled in on himself, sobbing for the first time since his father had tried to drown him when he was only a child. He couldn't cope with this. Not anymore. He had had enough.
What do you think? Should I continue this? Or should I just leave it? Review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading! Lu xxx
