Of Swine Flu's and Vampires

"And the lastest news, a man from Seattle has died from the H1N1 virus, Swine Flu. Medics are looking into the case to see if he had any other undetected health issues…"

"Seattle? Aww, crap…"

The vampire's hand darted towards the cell phone next to him. In his haste to dial the number, the keypad smashed through…

4 telephones later…

"Carlisle, I need to ask you something very important…"

A smooth voice replied "Ask Away, son"

"…Okay… can vampires get Swine Flu?"

Carlisle hesitated, considering if this was in some way a stitch-up. Eventually he replied;

"…Um, no, Edward. They can't."

-

Emmett jumped onto the sofa next to Edward. Edward knew what was coming.

"Emmett, don't even bother saying it."

"But is it true? Did you really ask Carlisle?" By this point, Emmett was sat 3 inches away from Edward's face. "Really?"

Edward considered his answer for a minute. He could lie to Emmett if he wanted, since Emmett wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree…

But then again, when would Carlisle ever lie?

"Yes. I did ask Carlisle if Vampires can get Swine Flu."

Before the word "yes" was even properly formed, Emmett was rolling about on the floor laughing.

"Emmett, shut up."

"But-hehehe… but- Swine Flu… HAHAHAHA!!"

Emmett was now roaring with laughter. He couldn't finish the sentence.

"I have reason to be worried about Swine Flu! I had Spanish Influenza when I was human!"

"Yes, but even I know that vampires don't get Flu… hahahahaa!…"

At this point Jasper strolled in, cool and collected as ever. "What the hell is all this about?"

Emmett tried to explain through fits of giggles. "Hehe... Edward… haha… Flu… HAHA!"

Jasper raised an eyebrow at Edward, who, if he had been human, would be bright red at this point. Jasper grinned, making Edward feel even more humiliated.

Then, Jasper did something totally unexpected.

"Aah…ah…CHOO!"

The sneeze sobered Emmett up immediately. As Jasper wandered out of the room, there was silence.

Emmett looked at Edward.

Edward looked at Emmett.

They spoke in unison…

"Holy crap. JASPERRRRRR!"