"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities


Hazel

It was months, almost five, since Amsterdam. And somewhere around four since Gus died. About a week ago (haha) I started getting sick and puking a lot. It wasn't normal, but I decided to ignore it. I call Kaitlyn, asking her if she wanted to go to the mall and go shopping. And she decides to pick me up at my house.

We go to the mall. We go to a clothes store and we go through dresses when I tell her that I haven't been feeling good. "Are you late?"

"What do you mean, Kaitlyn?"

"Have you gotten your period?"

"Great thing to talk about in a clothing store."

"I'm serious!"

"Are you suggesting that I'm.."

I knew what she was suggesting. And I was scared. So I forced her to take me to a store. I grab a pregnancy test. I hope I didn't look too odd. I walk to the checkout line and the lady smiles at me and says, "I've been there. And trust me. The first few months of it are the worst."

I smile back and say thanks. I turn away and find a phone number and a note in it too. For when you need help.


Kaitlyn

I couldn't believe it. Hazel couldn't be. Unless. Oh. My. God. Amsterdam. No. I wait for her in the CVS parking lot. She walks out and into my car. "So, Amsterdam," I say as Hazel shuts the door to my car.

Hazel stares at me, tears forming in her eyes. "Yes, Augustus and I..." she says but her voice falters.

"How are you 'possibly' pregnant? Don't you use protection, you slut?"

"Ugh, yes I do. The only person alive who wouldn't use protection is Gus's best friend's ex of a whore Monica."

Isaac. I remember him from all of Hazel's stories. I always thought that he liked Hazel. I laugh and then stop. "Seriously Hazel? I can't believe that you could be pregnant!"

I start driving to my house. My parents are gone for the week so I don't have to listen to them. I shove Hazel and the test into the bathroom. "Wow Kaitlyn way to be positive." Hazel's voice is muffled by the door. I sit on my phone until Hazel screams. "NOOOOOO!"

I knew it. She's pregnant. But she used protection. What is life? "I can't be pregnant. I need to see the doctor because the test could be inaccurate."

She leans against the wall. I can feel tension in the room. Then Hazel lets out a sob. "He'll. Never. Meet. His. Kid. Or. Kids."

I try and hug her, but she slides away. "I know how you feel."

"No you don't!" She screams. "You don't know because you aren't like me!"

"That's it!" I scream after she's done screaming. "You are so ungrateful, you little bitch! I have been trying so hard not to slap you, but you're being a little shit. Its not my fault this is happening. It yours."

Immediately I feel bad. But she deserve it. "I'm sorry Kait. I just don't want anything to happen and its really hard for me. I might have to..."

There she is, faltering again. "Have to what?"

"Stop treatment. I could die."

Tears run down my face. I can't lose her. I can't. She needs her treatment. I need Hazel.


Hazel

How could I be so stupid? I needed to talk to a doctor. So I searched one up and called her office. "One appointment for Hazel Grace Lancaster, on Thursday, with Dr. Newman. We'll call you tonight to confirm with you. Number?"

I give it to her, and she says, "Great doing business with you Hazel."

I'm pacing my room. "What am I supposed to do?"

I keep pacing and walking, dragging my machine behind me. I finally just sit and look at the wall. I hear my door open and I turn. "Hazel? What's wrong?"

My mom sits on my bed next to me. "I might be...I might be pregnant."

My mom looks at me with love in her eyes. "Aw, sweetie!"

"I'm going to a doctor on Thursday. Don't tell dad yet, or else he'll kill me."

My mom starts laughing. "I'll go with you. And remember. Nothing is too bad."