There was a brilliant flash of lightning over head, and half a second later, thunder ripped out overhead, vibrating in his chest all the way to his toes enclosed in motorcycle boots. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. It was impossible. But as the rain showered him from overhead, soaking his shaggy black locks and falling into his gray eyes and sliding down his cheeks like tears, Sirius Black knew it was true.
Lily and James were dead. And it was all his fault.
He'd been going to check on Wormtail. The idiot hadn't been in his hiding spot. That was a bit worrisome, and Sirius, feeling a horrible sense of dread, like a lead ball in his stomach, had leaped on his favorite mode of transportation, his flying motorbike, and had hastened to the Potters' home in Godric Hollow, praying for the best. Of course the sight that met him was something straight from a nightmare. His very, very worst nightmare.
As he stared in silent horror at what had previously had previously been the Potters' home, Sirius felt quite like someone had kicked him in the stomach, hard. He felt nauseous taking in the destruction that was the house. He clenched his jaw tightly, willing no emotion to escape him as he realized he would never, ever see James or Lily Potter again. He couldn't handle it. As Sirius stared at the house, ripped apart, he felt his heart break. James and Lily were dead! They were dead! He had to duck abruptly behind a bush and vomit up the little food he had had the night before, his emotions ripping through him like a wild fire. The bile burned his throat and mouth. Straightening up, Sirius wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket, once again staring back up at the house of his best friend.
They were gone, and staring at where they lived certainly wouldn't bring them back.
The loss Sirius felt now that James was dead was like a 500 pound weight on his shoulders. He had never felt a sadness, a misery, a hopelessness so complete as he felt now. James was his best friend. The only person he really trusted. James had been there through everything. Sirius regarded him as a brother. The only family that had ever accepted him. The memories of all the trouble he and James had gotten into at school flashed through his mind. Charming Madam Rosmerta, getting detention together, torturing Snape side by side, the parties celebrating Gryffindor winning Quidditch matches, learning how to become Animagi for Remus. The list went on and on, each memory a more painful stab to his heart than the next. The mixture of warm and cold water on his cheeks told him tears were mixing with the rain.
And James had been there when he'd run away from home, the only person who actually knew how much it hurt Sirius that his family couldn't, wouldn't accept him as a son.
Sirius gulped down a bit more bile. Tears were threatening to run rampant down his face. It was his fault because he hadn't become Secret Keeper for the Potters. He'd told them to make Peter Secret Keeper in an attempt to keep them safer longer. Everyone and their aunt knew that Sirius Black was closest to the Potters. He expected the Death Eaters to come after him for the secret. So Sirius had convinced James and Lily to chose a more obscure Secret Keeper. Peter. His fists clenched tightly, the right one around his wand. That bastard! How could he betray his friends after everything? Sirius ducked his head into his hands, still too proud to admit his grief. The tears were wet and warm on his hands. He felt so out of control.
"Sirius," a voice grunted out at him.
Startled, Sirius looked up quickly, his wand pointing at the speaker. He didn't even have time to wipe the tears away. "Oh, Hagrid, it's you," Sirius said hollowly, dropping his wand arm.
"Yeh don' look so good, Sirius," Hagrid remarked, eying the other with something like compassion. Sirius shook his head, speechless. Of course he didn't look well. He'd just lost the two people closest to him. Was Hagrid mad? He felt like screaming. He felt he might be sick again. He felt Hagrid throw a huge, heavy arm about his shoulders and his knees buckled a bit. He couldn't tell if it was from Hagrid's arm or his weak grief. The two didn't speak, and Sirius was left to deal with his horrible thoughts and those wonderful memories that he would never be able to enjoy without blaming himself. It was only then that Sirius noticed the bundle tucked into Hagrid's other arm.
"Hagrid..." Sirius said slowly. "Is that...."
"Harry," Hagrid replied, his harsh voice slightly softened as he peeked down at Lily and James' offspring. A tear rolled down his scruffy cheek. "Looks jus' like James."
Another horrible stab to the heart. But Sirius recovered quickly.
"Give Harry to me, Hagrid," Sirius said, desperately, breaking away from the weight of Hagrid's comforting arms. "I'm his godfather." He may have made the worst mistake in the world by having James and Lily use Peter as Secret Keeper, but he couldn't undo it and he could possible remedy it by raising Harry. By being a father to him.
"I'll look after him," Sirius added, his voiced coming out in a croak.
"Sorry, Sirius. Dumbledore said Harry's ter go ter his aunt an' uncles."
"But I'm his godfather!" Sirius protested wildly. "J-James was my best friend!" He was horrified at how his voice was quivering. And at the word 'was'. It was so final. James Potter used to exist. James Potter was no more.
"Sorry, but was Dumbledore says goes," Hagrid replied, unmoved by Sirius.
"Yes, yes..." Sirius was distracted, heartbroken, hopeless. Then, his intelligent mind started into action. If he couldn't help Harry, there was something else he had to do. And that was get revenge. Peter Pettigrew would rue the day he ever double crossed the Potters. With his mission in mind, Sirius pulled himself together. He brushed the tears from his deep gray eyes, the sadness obvious in them mutating into a righteous fury. This was not a time for weakness. He turned away from Hagrid and Harry, determined to straighten out the situation.
"Take my motorcycle, Hagrid. I won't need it anymore."
And with that Sirius Black strode purposely away from Hagrid, from Harry, from the wreck that his dearest friends used to live in, from the bodies of those same friends. The bodies that would never laugh, never speak, never be there again. He Disapparated from Godric's Hollow in search of the man that had destroyed the lives of his closest friends. He was going to tear Peter limb from limb. He had no option. Peter Pettigrew must be taught a lesson about what happened when a person betrayed their friends, and Sirius was only too eager to be teacher.
