A/N: Ok. First, this is my first Twilight fanfiction. Second, it took me a long time to write this first chapter so I'm sorry if it's really short. I hope to get the second one out soon and hopefully it will be longer. Let me know what you think. I live on reviews.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything related to Twilight. I'm just having fun using the characters.
My Immortal
Chapter One: I Wish That You Would Just Leave
I couldn't believe my ears. I was no good for him? What did that mean? If my self-esteem wasn't bad already, he just made it worse with that one statement. It was as if he literally reached into my chest and tore my heart out. I watched Edward fade into the darkness of the forest, unable to will my feet to go after him. Instead, I sunk to my knees and stared. I just couldn't believe this was the end.
The rain started to fall, completely soaking me, yet I remained where I was. I just couldn't move. There was nothing left for me, no future, without Edward. It wasn't until I heard Charlie's cruiser pull into the driveway, and his warm arms help me to stand, that I let the tears flow. I can remember sitting at the kitchen table but I couldn't remember walking to it. My tears were silent as I heard my father running water for the teapot.
"Bella," I heard him start. "I think you should go and put some dry clothes on."
I nodded, stood up, and walked in a daze up to my room. Once there, my eyes scanned the room. Everything that reminded me of Edward still haunted me: the dresser where he used to watch me sleep, the window that he used to jump out of to get away from my father, and the bed where I used to lay within his arms. I almost choked on my sobs and ran out of the room. I shut the door, leaned against it, and tried to bring my breathing back to normal. I just couldn't do it. His leaving was still fresh in my mind. I walked, numbly, into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. I waited for the steam to fill the room before I turned to the mirror. I was glad that I couldn't see my reflection as I stripped out of my wet clothes. I turned back to the taps and eased some cold water into the flow and when it was comfortable enough, I stepped under the spray. I let the water run down my body, cleansing me, or at least the outside of me. Inside, I still felt as though something was missing. I let my head fall back onto the tile and suppressed a scream. As I closed my eyes, a vision of Edward's perfect face assaulted me.
I angrily turned off the shower and stepped out. I wrapped a towel around me and made my way to the closed door of my room. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. I walked over to my closet without looking at anything else. I grabbed a pair of sweats and underwear, pulled them on, then walked back down to the kitchen. Charlie had made tea and it was steaming from the cup as I sat down. He made it just the way I liked, with no milk and a little bit of sugar. I sipped at it, knowing that he was looking at me for an explanation. "Dad, please, not now," I whispered.
I heard him sigh. "Alright. But I expect some answers tomorrow." He left the kitchen as I just stared into my cup. I must have sat there for an hour before I heard Charlie upstairs getting ready for bed. I waited a little while longer until I heard his bedroom door close.
I stood up from the table, walked over to the sink, rinsed out my cup, and then walked into the living room. I sat down on the couch. I just couldn't believe that Edward would leave me. What did I do wrong? Was I too needy? Did I not give him enough space? I spent the next hour going over all these things in my head before I felt myself pass out on the couch. His face haunted my once pleasant dreams as night burned away into day.
Your Presence Still Lingers Here
I groggily felt my father shaking me awake but it felt like I was a million miles away. "Bells, it's time for school," I heard him say. "It's been a whole week. You need to get back."
I opened my eyes, and then rubbed them. "School?" Yeah, I was out of it. My mind must have left me when Edward did.
"Yes, school. You know, that building where you go five days out of the week and teachers shove knowledge into your head?" I groaned. My dad could never really make a joke. I know it was his lame attempt at getting me to smile so I forced one to my lips. I sat up and stretched, wincing at the pain from sleeping on the couch. "You didn't fall asleep down here again, did you?" he asked.
"Guess I did," I muttered. I made my way up to my room and forced myself to get a pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt out of my dresser. It had been a whole week of wearing the same couple outfits that were in the laundry before "the incident" happened. That's what I was now calling it, "the incident." After dressing and grabbing an apple from the fridge, I made my way to my truck. I started it and the loud roar of the engine made me feel somewhat more human. Human. I had to laugh at that. As I reached for the gearshift, something caught my attention. The radio… a present from Edward's family. I almost lost it again until I reached for it and tried ripping it out. After a few lame attempts, I kicked it with all my strength. The radio finally gave way and I threw it on the floor of the passengers' side and raced out of the driveway.
I pulled into the school parking lot and noticed that I must have just made it in time. My fellow students were sloshing through the rain into the building. I got out of my truck, reached in for my IPod, turned around, and nearly ran right into the chest of another person. "Sorry," I mumbled.
"Bella?" I looked up and into the blue eyes of Mike Newton. I so didn't want to see anyone right now, let alone him.
"Hi," I said as I looked down at a puddle forming right under my feet.
"Um, Bella, I, uh-" he started but I held up a hand. He immediately stopped talking.
"Look, we're going to be late to class," I said as empty as I felt. "Can, can we not talk about it?" I saw Mike nod his head as he silently walked by my side into the building. If this was how the rest of my so called friends were going to act around me, it was going to be a long day.
These wounds won't seem to heal; this pain is just too real.
I go through the motions of the day like I'm on automatic. I get up in the morning, go to school, do my work, come home, eat, and then fall asleep on the couch. I have yet to be able to spend a complete night in my room. I tried once, but I woke up screaming from a nightmare I couldn't recall. Charlie came running into my room that night and just sat on the edge of my bed, uncomfortably holding me, as sobs racked my frame. I had trouble slowing the tears but forced myself for my dad's sake. Once the tears stopped flowing I pretended to fall back to sleep. I heard Charlie leave my room. I waited a few more minutes, just to make sure he went back to his room, before I grabbed a few clothes and headed back down to the living room. That was only one week ago.
September turned into October and Forks had a surprising beautiful autumn. I didn't notice. The falling leaves reminded me of my fall back to earth when he left me almost a month ago. The orange color reminded me of his eyes and the red reminded me of the blood that was spilt at my birthday party. For once in my life, I hated this season. I longed for the coldness of the winter where I could hide in my room and no one would be any the wiser. Well, alright, not my room. The other day, Charlie and I had had an argument.
"Bells, I understand that you needed grieving time, but don't you think it's been long enough?" he had said to me at breakfast.
I looked up at him in shock. How could he be so insensitive? The love of my life had just walked out of my life forever. "What?" I started. "How long did you mourn when Mom left?" He winced. I closed my eyes. I so didn't want to start a fight with my dad. It hurt seeing the hurt in his eyes. I took a deep breath before I continued. "I'm sorry. I know you're right. I will get out of the house tomorrow. Maybe one of my friends will be up for a movie or shopping." Shopping? When did I care about such things like that? Well, I hope I put up a good display for my father. I hope I had at least some reflection in my voice.
Charlie looked at me skeptically. "Hmm, well, that would be a nice change of pace for you. Just call me and let me know when you'll be coming home. Ok?"
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I stood up, cleaned some dishes, and made my way out of the house. I had no intention of going out. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I needed to be away from everyone. I was tired of putting up a front, smiling all the time. I didn't feel the smile and I know that it didn't reach my eyes. I turned the ignition in the truck and headed down the road. I didn't turn towards the school but in the opposite direction. I just kept driving, not really knowing where I was going or when I was going to stop. I just needed to feel the wind in my hair one last time.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter. I was having a really hard time getting this one out. It's my first Twilight fic. Let me know what you all think. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long as this one did. Also, the chapter titles and line breaks are from Evanescence songs.
