Disclaimer: I own nothing.


Excuse my language, but damn these plot bunnies!

Watching Torchwood, and go figure, my imagination goes crazy. Right now, though, I'm focused on Jack's heartbreak. He lost someone he loved, but it never shows how he deals with it. Or any of it, to be honest.

So, I decided to try and predict what his thoughts are on the whole situation. Even the almighty Captain Jack Harkness has a week spot, right?

So, without further ado, here's my first Torchwood fanfiction. Sit back and enjoy!

Love always,

Avoline


Jack curled up on the makeshift bed, his emotions running wild in his head. The past forty-eight hours kept repeating in his head, no matter how hard he tried to stop it. The images kept flashing by, like a movie he couldn't stop.

But the images that bothered him the most were Ianto and Stephen.

He felt a lump form in his throat. He never said it, but he loved Ianto. They were a perfect match. Where as Jack was always care-free and joking around, Ianto was serious and on point. They had grown so close in such a short time. He was there for Ianto when Lisa died. Even though it was Jack who had killed her ("We can't be sure of that, can we, Sir? There were three of you shooting at her."), Ianto clung to him like a child. But then the relationship took a turn, but for the better. Jack's feeling had grown for the Welsh man, and he had been meaning to tell him how he felt.

But that chance was gone before he knew it.

He just sat there, holding the younger man as he died, begging him to just hold on, to stay with him. That was his chance, and he blew it. He fucking blew it!

Then Stephen. His own grandson, and he killed him. UNIT didn't give him much choice, though. It was either his grandson, or millions of other children. It was the hardest decision of his life, and now he had alienated his own daughter. She hated him, and he didn't blame her. If there was any one time where they wouldn't have blamed him for being selfish, it was then.

He closed his eyes and let the tears fall. How did the Doctor do it? How could he make these decisions and not cave in? How many times had he had to face this kind of sorrow?

"It wasn't your fault, Sir. They didn't give you a choice."

"Ianto," he croaked into the darkness. "Ianto, is that you?" Could he suddenly hear the dead?

"I never left your side, Jack. You just couldn't see me."

A choked sob passed Jack's lips. He could hear the dead, and the only person that wanted to talk to him was Ianto. His Ianto.

"Ianto, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I should have made you stay behind. I should have kept you safe."

"I wanted to come, Jack. I wanted to come cause I couldn't stand to be away from you. I'm still here, actually."

He shook as his emotions broke free. For the first time in years, he was broken. Broken, and alone. And this time, there was no picking the pieces up and moving on. There was no getting better and going back to being good ole Jack Harkness. His spirit was broken this time. His soul was broken. The pieces were too small to put back together.

"Don't cry, Jack. I'm not hurting anymore. Not physically at least. Just please, don't cry."

"Stay with me, Ianto. I can't go on alone."

"I'm always with you, Jack. I never left."