~Yamato's POV~

"Hey, Tai?" I pulled at his arm. He turned to look at me, causing me to gulp. He smiled at me. "Can, can I talk to you? Alone?" I nodded towards Sora.

"Yeah, sure," he grinned at me. He turned back to Sora and pecked her cheek. "I'll be back soon."

"I don't get how you can like her," I muttered as we walked down the hall. The brunette chuckled and looked towards me.

"She's a bitch, but you never had her in your bed," I laughed with him, almost choking on the thought that he wasn't a virgin. He's seventeen, I thought. "But, I think I'll dump her when Mimi comes back from the states. Can't wait to see her."

He beamed from ear to ear and nudged me with his elbow. I tried to laugh but it came out as a choking sound. I smiled weakly.

"Hey what's wrong, Yama?" he looked down at me.

"Tai," I needed to get this out. I'd waited way to long and if I didn't say it now…I shuddered. "Tai, I have to tell you something."

"Ok…"

"It's important," I stared up at his deep brown eyes. I saw there in his eyes the love he had for me, as a friend. I felt as though my next sentence would destroy that trust and willingness to follow me. He nodded grimly. "Tai, I've been thinking, and I've realized that I love you."

He took a step back, stunned. I winced and looked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stare at me closely.

"You what?" he closed his eyes and brought his hands to them in frustration. "You're joking, neh?"

I gulped and sadly shook my head. He turned and slammed his fist into the nearest locker. "Dammit Ishida. What am I supposed to say to that?"

I opened my mouth to speak and immediately shut it. Tai was walking towards me. I felt his hand grip the collar of my shirt and raise me into the air, pushing me against the wall. I was glad school was out for the day; no one could here him yelling.

"Yamato, do you expect me to say 'I love you' back? Hmm?" his voice pounded into my ear. "You're my best friend not my god damn lover. I am not gay or bi, you get that? I'm straight as a ruler and don't you forget it." I felt his hand swing across my face before he dropped me roughly to the floor.

He walked back down the hall. His anger was palpable as he turned back to me. I watched him spit in my direction. I flinched, but not from the physical pain, but from the wound he'd inflicted on my heart.

"Tai…" I slowly muttered as I felt the tears fall to the linoleum. "Tai. Oh God, what have I done?"

~§~§~§~§~

I opened the door to my apartment. I had just lost the person I cared for more than anything else. The thought kept running through my head, my life sucked.

"Dad? Takeru?" I shouted throughout the silent rooms. "Anyone home?"

No answer. I smiled and headed into the kitchen. I searched for it. How hard could it be to find a large butcher knife? I wanted to end it all, right now. I didn't care about anything else. Only this mattered.

I pulled open the drawers, leaving them open as I went. Maybe I should clean everything up before…just so my dad would have less to do. Ha! I thought about a swift clean death, just so Taichi could see my face through the casket. Maybe he'd even cry and feel terrible about what he'd done.

I snarled as I found my dad's blades. No, I didn't deserve mercy. I pulled one out and inspected its sharpness. Yes, I thought, it'll do. I bared my teeth and lifted the knife closer to myself. I winced when the point prodded my stomach.

"Goodbye world," I whispered as I thrust it deep. Or at least I tried. I couldn't find the strength to do this one last task.

"I wish I was Taichi," I thought aloud desperately. "He got the crest of courage."

I threw the knife back into the drawer and slammed it shut, causing it to bounce back to me. I yelled and hit it again. As it came towards me again, I screamed and lunged out at it. The contents spilled out onto the floor and I fell next to them, spilling the salty tears onto them.

I closed my eyes. I couldn't believe that he'd treated me like that. I was his best friend. So what if I was…if I was gay? Couldn't we still be friends?

"No," I murmured. Tai was too popular to be friends with a gay wad. Even if that gay wad was I. I slowly stood up. I couldn't do that to him. I loved him, and because of that I couldn't show my face again to disgrace him.

I swung open the bathroom door and stared into the mirror. I saw the helpless face of a lovesick young boy. Sad blue eyes stared back at me from behind blonde hair. I roared and smacked the mirror with my already bloody fist.

I turned around and slowly opened the medicine cabinet. Through my blurry vision I saw the small bottle of Advil. I grabbed it with the mauled hand and turned the top. Looking down at the many pills, I knew what I had to do. I opened my mouth and turned the bottle upside down into it. I struggled to swallow.

I stared back into the bottle. It was now empty. I grinned foolishly and started towards my own room. While opening the door, I realized my bed was moving away from me. I giggled drunkenly and raced to catch it.

Then my world began to spin. I watched as the door started chasing the window, and it chasing the opposite wall. I felt my knees weaken and I fell to the floor. I stared up at the white ceiling. I couldn't get up.

I saw a blinding white light and all I thought was Heaven. I thought maybe it was when a brunette stepped towards me. He came back for me. I knew he would.

"Tai?" I called out. I smiled, hoping to hear the words I needed.

"Oh, Yamato. It's Hikari," I felt my heart sink. He hadn't come. I felt the world slipping from me. "What have you done?"

~§~§~§~§~

I felt myself rising on the ladder of consciousness. I started to hear the people around me. I didn't understand what they were saying quite yet. I felt the light hit my eyes and I slowly opened them. I grimaced at the terrible headache I had.

I tried to sit up, but it only made the pain in my head worse. I glanced around the room. I showed my teeth. The damn room was too white.

"Where the hell am I?" I asked to no one in particular.

"You're at the Odaiba County Hospital," I looked to my left. I blinked again, trying to clear my vision.

"Takeru?" I asked puzzled.

"You're lucky to be alive," I watched as he came to sit on the bed next to me.

"TK, maybe I don't want to be alive," I snapped. How could I admit to my little brother about what I was? I changed the subject. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Three days, almost," he looked down at my face. "Tai came to visit."

I turned away. "What'd he tell you?"

"He's scared," I glanced back at him, surprised. "Yes, Yama, he's scared."

"Of what?"

"Of what he did to make you like this. Of himself," he stared at the wall. "Yamato, we're all scared that we might lose you."

"Why? I'm just a sucker, and you know it."

"Yamato! Just because Taichi denied love for you doesn't mean we hate you!"

I gulped. What'd everyone think of me now? "Who else knows?" I asked softly.

"Dad, Mom, Hikari, and the band members," I winced.

"Who told them?"

"I did," I felt relieved. I was glad Tai hadn't mentioned anything to the band. "You need your rest. I'll…I'll be back later." I watched as he walked to the door and out of the room. I sighed and closed my eyes.

~§~§~§~§~

"Now Yamato, this may not be the most ideal way to start your summer, but you need this," My dad told me sternly. I couldn't believe that he was making me go to some stupid shrink.

"Dad…" I growled at him, but followed him into the small building. I watched as he went up to the reception desk. I stayed close to him. I had to admit, I was nervous about this.

"Hello, sir. How may I help you?" The lady smiled. I gulped.

"Yes," My father looked quite nervous himself. "Er…I'm here for my son's appointment."

"Name?"

"Ishida Yamato," My dad replied. "He's here for the…the-"

"Yes, sir," She noticed how uncomfortable he was becoming. "Down the hall to your left."

He thanked her and we walked down the hall. I kept my eyes on the ground, not knowing what else to do. My dad turned to me just before we came to the door. He patted my shoulder and then headed back the way we'd come.

I turned the knob and pushed against the door. I looked at the room. I swallowed and took another step. There were about 4 other boys in the room, and they weren't paying any attention to me as I watched them talk to each other. I felt my hands start to sweat as I closed the door behind me. They looked up at the sudden noise.

I was going to say something when the door opened again and in came a woman. I felt sick when I realized she was the counselor. I didn't want to talk to her about my sexuality.

"You must be Yamato," she took my hand and cheerfully shook it. She had short reddish hair and blue eyes. I smiled weakly. "I'm Karen. Please take a seat."

I glanced at the boys and turned back to her. She had walked toward a chair and was setting a folder on the floor next to it. She sat down on the swivel chair and took a small notebook and pen out of her folder.

"Come on," I spun around to see one of the boys grab my arm and pull me over to the couch. "We don't bite…hard."

They all burst out laughing and I managed a smile. I sat down and the boy pulling my arm sat next to me. The other three sat on a different couch.

"Kamu," he looked up at the shrink, still grinning. She tried to be stern with him, but ended up smiling too. "Well, perhaps we should introduce ourselves to Yamato. Kamu, you first."

He turned to me. His hazel eyes smiled. My breath almost caught in my throat as I looked at his shaggy dark brown hair. His voice was a little lower than mine. "My name's Kamuran."

He reached out his hand and gently shook mine. I watched as he introduced me to the other guys. They all waved at me. I couldn't help but notice the way two of them held hands. They seemed so comfortable with each other. I looked down.

"Yamato," Karen said. I looked up. "Tell us about yourself."

I stared at their faces as they listened intently. "Well, I…I like to sing and play guitar."

"Do you play any sports?" Karen asked.

"No. Well, I used to play soccer," I muttered.

"Why'd you quit?"

"I don't like it," I choked out. I closed my eyes and cradled my head in my hands. I bit my lip, hoping that the tears wouldn't come. I couldn't cry here, not in front of these guys.

I suddenly felt two hands slowly massaging my back. One of them began to creep towards my neck, rubbing as it went. I felt the tension in my muscles ease, and I turned back to see Kamu's hands on my shoulders.

"You know Yamato, we're all here for a reason. We understand," he whispered. I saw the others in the room nod in agreement. I tried my best to smile.

"Would, perhaps you'd like to share with us about…" Karen said quietly.

I gulped and looked around the room. No one looked bored; they all sat listening, intent on hearing what I had to say. I bobbed my head and began speaking.

"My best friend since fifth grade rejected me. He hurt me both physically and mentally when…when I told him how I felt," I closed my eyes tearfully. "I was so upset that I chugged a whole bottle of Advil that night. If it hadn't been for his sister, well, I'd be…dead. I was taken to the hospital. And then when I awoke, he came to visit me."

I remembered the encounter. I had woken one afternoon to see him looking down at the floor. I had tried to speak to him but only a choking sound came out. I had watched as he brought his head up to stare me in the eyes before he opened his mouth to say something. It seemed that his voice caught in his throat, too.

"Yamato," he had looked away. "Yama, I'm sorry."

I had glared at him, causing him to be more nervous. "Why are you here? I thought you were, what was the phrase you used? Oh yeah, 'straight as a ruler'" I snapped viciously at him.

"Look, I came to see my friend who recently hurt himself," he yelled back.

"A friend, am I?" he nodded, eyes set directly on my face. "Well, how about we end this friendship? I don't want to ruin your rep. Now, I'm tired, please leave me to rest."

I watched him wince, but nod grimly. He stiffly stood up. I kept my eyes fixed on him until he walked to the door. He turned around, tears forming in his deep brown eyes. I faced the wall, ignoring him. I wouldn't forgive him, I couldn't.

"Hey Yamato?" I opened my eyes, slowly returning to reality. I twisted my head to look at Kamu.

"Yeah?" I looked around the room suddenly confused. Everyone had disappeared.

"The session's over. Karen saw you start spacing out and decided to move onto some one else," he smiled and I felt my heart skip a beat. "Hey Yamato, are you busy Friday?"

"Omigod," I said startled. "Did, did you just?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm kinda new at this too," he grinned from ear to ear. "So, are you?"

"I don't think so…" I couldn't help beaming back at him. "I'll make room for you if I'm not."

He leaned towards me and softly pressed his lips against my cheek. I felt a blush rising to my face as he whispered in my ear, "7:30 at the movie theatre on Hoeru Drive."

I nodded and we walked out the door to find my dad.

~§~§~§~§~

I arrived at the theatre a couple minutes early. I reached my hand up nervously to my mouth and started gnawing on my fingernails. I glanced up and down the lines of the ticket booth. I didn't see any sign of the shaggy haired youth.

I gulped. What if he had been joking with me and would never show up? I shook my head. He wouldn't do that, right? Kamuran was nicer than that; I hoped.

I felt someone tap my left shoulder and I spun around that way. I didn't see anyone. I sighed heavily and turned back to the front of the theatre. I jumped in surprise.

"Hey," I smiled as Kamu held out two tickets to a movie. I felt myself blushing after hearing his deep sexy voice. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I guess," I slowly followed him through the hall into the concession line. We walked up to the front and looked up at the lady behind the register. I looked around, hoping that no one I knew would be there. I wasn't quite ready for the whole school to know that I was gay.

"Here," Kamu handed me a large bag of popcorn. I took it and watched as he picked up two sodas. He smiled anxiously and nodded in the direction of the theatre doors.

He slowly pushed open the door and we stepped into an empty room. I smiled, glad that Kamu knew that I was a little scared about this date. We quickly shuffled over to a seat in the middle of the rows.

I sat down and he plopped next to me. I couldn't help laughing as he grabbed the popcorn from my hands and began stuffing his face. He winked at me with his cheeks filled with the popcorn.

"Mmufff shnfff mnww," He tried to say something.

"What?"

He swallowed. "Movies starting now."

I nodded and turned to the screen reluctantly. I watched the figures in the movie. I quickly yawned from boredom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kamu reach his arm around me. I felt his hand gently rest on my opposite shoulder. I grinned and softly lay my head against him. I closed my eyes and gently drifted asleep.

I felt him shaking me roughly. "Yama? Yamato?" I looked around sleepily. "Hey, it's time to go."

I nodded and stood up sleepily. I smiled up at him. "C'mon."

We leisurely walked out of the theatre and onto the street. I suddenly felt my hand slowly find its way to his and hold it gently. "Do you know what time it is?"

He looked down at his watch. "9:30"

"Oh, I have to get home," I turned to look at him. His smile faded, leaving a frown. I leaned forward and gently pecked his cheek. I could feel him blushing. "I'll call you tomorrow, ok?"

"Alright…" He sighed. I turned to leave when he caught my hand and slowly pulled me closer to him. I felt his head approach my face and I closed my eyes preparing for the intimacy. I could feel his soft, sweet lips press down gently on my own.

I gradually, reluctantly, pulled away. I could feel the blood pounding in my ears as I turned around to head to my house. I smiled and looked back at him.