Chapter One: Letter.

My fingers tighten around the pen while I glare furiously at the piece of paper in front of me.

Why did it have to be so hard to say? Why was I even writing this letter anyway? I should just forget about him. But I can't seem to let go of him. He killed my sister, so why was I still sitting here? I should just get up and walk away now…On the count of three. One…Two…Three. Maybe not. I can't make myself leave the desk.

The pen in my hands falls back to the paper again. The words coming out angrily.

Gale. I miss you against all the odds. How is it in District two? Greasy Sae said you were on television but to be honest I never seem to have the time to sit down and watch what's on. The point to this letter, the reason I'm writing even when I promised myself I would never speak of you again, is because I miss you. I think if I send this to you I can let you go. If you don't reply I understand. If you shove this in a drawer I understand that too. If you burn it, I deserve it.

Katniss Everdeen.

This makes no sense. I deserve it…I deserve what? I did nothing. He's the one who killed my little sister…

Prim. My throat closes up at the thought of her. My little sister.

With shaking hands I clumsily fold the letter in half and stick it in an envelope. I seal it then carefully pen out the address Plutarch tells me is Gale's address. Knowing Gale he'll never answer my letter and that's more than fine with me. I just needed my emotions out on page, to let him know how I feel, even if it was a short letter.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls in concern from the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

I wrench open the study door and make my way into the kitchen. "Fine," I say as I sink into one of the wooden chairs by the table. Peeta's busy making lunch but I feel like I might retch at any moment.

"You were in there for almost two hours," Peeta says with a frown. "I was starting to think you fell asleep on me."

I force myself not to look guilty, but I'm sure I still do. I must because Peeta's frown deepens and he leaves the stove to sit next to me. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and kisses my forehead gently. In response I rest my head against his shoulder and sigh deeply.

"What's the matter?" Peeta asks running a hand through his blonde hair leaving behind a trail of flour. I laugh in spite of myself at the sight, feeling momentarily like everything might be like it was.

Peeta raises a flour caked eyebrow at me but all I do is laugh harder. The laughs turn hysterical and soon I'm hiccupping while laughing. Nerves I guess. I continue to laugh until Peeta is forced to kiss me to shut me up.

This isn't a half hearted kiss brought on by the Capitol, this is my own passion. My own raw passion intermingled with his. My fingers weave their way to his hair, knotting it with my fingers to pull him even closer to me. His, warm broad, hands caressing my cheeks, gently.

When the oven timer beeps we're forced to break away, both of us gasping for air. I'm sure I have floury battle scars on my cheeks and meet Peeta's vivid blue eyes. But instead of blue, I see gray. The exact same colour as Gale's. I stiffen on his lap, blink and they return to their normal colour. What the hell? I think. Then I start to wonder how I ended up on Peeta's lap.

"I better get that," he says smiling. That's the thing he can't stop smiling now.

"Do you have to?" I ask, "I mean it's just bread."

"Yes I have to," He says caressing my cheek once again then he swiftly slides me off his lap so he can get the bread before it burns.

I watch with ridiculous interest as he takes out the bread with expert hands. I feel like a love sick school girl, stalking him around the house the way I do. Almost never letting go of him, unless absolutely, necessary. It must be tiring for him, but I don't want to let go of him. I lost him more than I care to think about and I don't plan on losing him again, because I feel like if I let go of him for just a second he'll be taken away for good.

"Who's the letter for?" He asks nodding toward the letter lying carelessly on the table.

I bite my lip considering lying but decide on the truth, because if Gale does write back against all odds it'll be harder to explain in the long run. So I force the words out through stiff lips, "Gale."

There's no change in Peeta's face or body posture which makes me think he's okay with all of this. Once again proving his…Easygoing nature. How on Earth did I deserve someone like him? "Why?" He asks again conversationally.

"My exact same question."

He comes to sit beside me again clasping my hand tightly in his. "You miss him Katniss." He says simply.

I'm too numb to speak, I feel like I just got hit with a blunt object in the chest. It's one thing to write down what you know on paper but an entirely different thing to hear it spoken. To my intense surprise I feel wet tears slide down my cheeks. I never cry, but I'm crying now. For everything I ever lost. My father, my mother (who hasn't contacted me in ages) Prim and Gale. But to be honest mostly Gale.

Peeta holds me gently, rocking me back and forth as he rubs my back in soothing patterns. "It'll be okay Katniss, it'll be okay. Everything will work out. Gale will write back I promise."

"How can you promise that?" I hiccup through the sobs. "How can you promise me anything?" I sound near hysterical and feel even more hysterical than my voice.

"I can't, love." He murmurs in my ear. "No one can assure anything."

I bury my head into his shoulder, already done with my crying spree. At least it was quick. "I –I-need to-go-to-to-the-woods." I stutter, feeling like if I don't get outside soon I'll scream. I need the woods, my savior. The one place I feel like I really belong. The one place where Gale and I were really connected on a deep level. The woods that belong to Gale and I. I haven't had the heart to take Peeta there yet. I always tell him I'll get around to it, but something always conveniently pops up. I think he sees through me though. Understanding is one of Peeta's best qualities.

"You can't go out now. Have you looked outside?"

No I haven't, but it doesn't matter to me. I need out. "Please, I think I might scream if I don't. I'll just go the mail box and back." I plead pathetically. Peeta's frowning and not liking the idea of me going alone. "You can even come with me if you want! Just…Please."

Peeta considers this for what seems like a long time and I feel closer to bursting now than ever.

"Alright," he finally says.

"Thank you," I say, sighing. One small victory down.

"Would you like to go now?"

"Yes!" I almost scream, jumping up and almost knocking over the table in my haste. I throw my arms around his neck and proceed to kiss his cheek. "Yes! Thank you, thank you THANK YOU!" I don't know why it's so important but it seems monumental to me.

I grab my winter coat from the couch where I left it last night and quickly slide it on, excitedly. Again the giddy school girl bit. What's gotten into me? Love, I tell myself. Love. I slide on my hunting boots and wait impatiently for Peeta to join me.

"So what's for dinner tonight?" I ask as I open up the front door, it's yanked out my hand by a sudden gust of wind and I'm blown sideways. I can see what Peeta meant by not going into the woods today. It feels like nighttime the way the clouds are looming overhead. Rain is coming down in torrents and the trees are being attacked viscously by the freezing wind. There's a nasty storm coming our way. The wind howls in my ears and another violent gust of wind sends me to the ground on my butt. "Ow," I whimper, my tailbone is going to be sore tomorrow.

With concern written all over his face, Peeta bends down to help me up.

I wince but hobble forward, Peeta, my rock, supporting me every step of the way. We keep our heads down to fight off the heavy wind that blows our hair around like crazy. More than once we're sent stumbling backwards, and I'm starting to think that this trip was all in vain.

When the mail box finally comes into view we're both soaked to the bone and my teeth are chattering like you wouldn't believe.

"Here goes nothing," I mutter to myself and stuff the letter into the large black mailbox. I can only hope that Gale receives it. It all rests with the mailing system now. If they lose it, it's no loss to us.

Then remembering the real excuse I had for going outside in this monsoon, I throw back my head and scream. A long high pitched note that's carried away in the wind. I scream until my voice is hoarse and all that's left is me standing in the middle of a raging storm, with my head tilted back with no sound coming out and rain falling into my mouth.

It feels good and all the anger has left my body filling me with this numb empty feeling that I hate. The emptiness is eating away at me, until there's nothing left. That's when I start crying again. I stay rooted in place and don't move, like a statue. And even though the wind is biting me to the bone I can't.

Peeta tugs on my hand trying to get me to move, because it's not safe to stand out in a storm, but I won't budge. He picks me bridal style and carries me back to home with my head buried into his winter coat.

It's a long journey back home with me being the useless lump I am in Peeta's arms. He constantly has to stop to regain his grip on me. I try to make the journey easy for him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I should get up and walk but the house is looming into view, so I continue to allow him to baby me. It feels nice, someone taking care of me for a change instead of it being the other way around. I had been the caretaker of my family since the age of eleven, as my mother wasn't much of a mother. Proof is that she left me for district four. I can understand her motives but still…A phone call every now and again would've been nice.

I look down at the house next to ours, the lights are on but knowing Haymitch he's probably passed out drunk. At the thought of him, I grow resentful. It's been years since I've talked to him, he's still kicking. I see him in town every once in a while. Always buying liquor.

It takes some readjusting but eventually we're able to get the front door open.

I stare numbly at the portraits that we pass trying not to see Prim's face or my father's smile. I close my eyes feeling exhausted from all this stress.

Peeta lays me down on my bed, and then leaves me alone to do whatever he wants. All I do is kick off my boots, change into a pair of fleece pajamas and crawl under the covers, still shivering.

The book Peeta and I created is lying on my bedside table, and with frozen fingers I open it to the first page and stare blankly at Prim's beautiful face. I try to compensate the years that's she's been dead and how she would look at this moment if she was alive. But the only thing my mind can conjure up is the last glimpse of her face before she was turned into a human torch. Disgusted I turn the page and look at all my dead friends. There's a drawing of Boggs and then there's Rue with her dark skin and dark hair looking like a small bird. Then there's a photo Annie graciously gave to us of Finnick and taped under that is the picture of his son he'll never know.

"Should call Annie and see how's she's doing," I say to myself knowing I never will call her.

I have to shut the book because unpleasant memories are trying to make themselves known. I fling the book onto the dresser across the room and hear it land with a dull thud.

Downstairs I can hear Peeta murmuring to someone at the door.

"Thanks for stopping by. See you around." He says then the door closes, there's some clattering in the kitchen and Peeta is trudging his way heavily up the stairs. He knocks politely on my door before entering it. I keep reminding him that this house is his as much as it's mine but he knocks.

"Come in."

The door opens and Peeta walks in with a tray of food. He must not deem me fit to walk. I could object but I don't. This is all so over the top that it feels ridiculous to have him treat me this way but he just shakes his head at me when I open my mouth to protest.

He sits down next to me, carefully placing the tray on my lap. I look at what he's laid out in front of me. Lamb stew with generous slices of fresh baked bread. Enough for the two of us.

I dig into the stew and find it's really quite delicious, he must've added spices of some sort because it's great. We make casual dinner conversation, or he talks and I listen.

"So that was Hazelle downstairs. Came by to see you, but I told her you were sleeping and to come back tomorrow," he says brushing away a stray strand of hair that had fallen out of the braid.

It should irk me that he told Hazelle to go away but then I remind myself that I told him to treat this house like it was his own. Because as it is he lives here now.

"Thanks, I don't really want company. You know with the whole…" I trail off. "I mean if Gale writes back I'll tell her but honestly I don't think he will. Forgiveness isn't exactly Gale's foray." Jeez, I sound lovesick. Talking about Gale this much when I've barely spoken a word of him since the day I shot Coin. That doesn't mean he wasn't in my thoughts. He was in them frequently, more than I liked to admit but I never told anyone that.

I get no reply and Peeta becomes very interested in the cup of tea in front of him. Even dropping in a scoop of sugar which I'm sure is a first for him. Keeping his eye on the murky cup of tea in his hand as he stirs he says; "We'll just have to wait and see won't we?" He lifts his head to smile at me halfheartedly but it looks forced.

There I go again. Hurting Peeta by mentioning Gale. I had vowed to never hurt Peeta again and here I go piercing him in the heart with a rusty knife. I clamp my mouth shut to stop the flow of words that are fighting to get out.

"Thanks for all this," I say, hoping to ease the tension, as I gesture to the set up in front of me. "It feels over the top but given the circumstances I'll let it pass." A small smile, although slightly grim, creeps up onto my lips.

"Don't mention it."

I help myself to a slice of bread and can't help but notice the small sly smile tugging at the corners of Peeta's lips. Something is up, I'm tempted to ask but I don't ask preferring to ask later.

I dip the corner of the white bread into the remains of the stew and take a small bite. It's nice and soft and still warm. I'm about halfway through the bread when my tooth hits something hard. I lean back to examine the slice of bread. Just barely visible is something wrapped in wax paper.

I squeeze my eyes shut and pray. Oh please don't let it be what I think it is. Please don't be that. Please not that. Not that. Anything but that. I'm not ready for that. It's too soon. Too soon. I'll break his heart if it is what I think it is. What do I say? Yes? No? What will happen to us if I say no? I can't lose him. In that I know I have my answer.

Slowly I open my eyes, still hoping it's not what I think it is. With trembling fingers I ease the piece of wax paper out of the bread. It's exactly what I thought it was. Oh no I think.

Nestled in the gauzy wax paper is a ring. A simple gold band with a small –I'm talking really small. Bless his heart for knowing I hate anything godly. – White diamond. My mouth hangs open in shock, unable to speak.

I bite on my lip to the point where it busted and I taste blood in my mouth. "Is-Is this…?" I can't form a complete sentence I'm so taken aback. Obviously I expected this from him at some point but not so soon. I'm only twenty four for crying out loud!

Peeta takes my free hand in his and grabs my chin so I have to look at him. I drop my eyes so I can gaze at-at the thing in my palm.

"Katniss?" There's a hint of worry in his voice and it only steels my resolve. I can't hurt him. But I have to, I'm not ready. Please don't hate me for this. I think.

"Yeah…." I look up at him and see a strange kind of fire in those gentle blue eyes.

"Katniss Everdeen will you marry me?" There's no smile in his voice, instead he looks frail like he might shatter.

My lips are just forming the n in no when I unexpectedly –well unexpected to me- break into a huge grin. "Yes. Yes I'll marry you."

Sorry for the cheesy ending in the first chapter but um…I got carried away. Hehe. If someone is OOC tell me and I'll do my best to put them back in. I already have a beta reader so I don't need another. I don't really have internet right now, it's off and on, so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up! But it will be eventually and hopefully soon.