This is just a rewrite of a season 8 episode that in my opinion could've turned around the entire season and ended it in a Zen way instead of the hellish series finale. So this is just something to pass the time until my writers block from my other stories wears off because I know I've been lacking for a while now. I will be back though, and until I update Emotional Rescue & do my rewrite of Teenage Wasteland, hopefully this will make you guys happy. So this is the first of the last eight episodes rewritten to save Jackie & Hyde.
Xoxo,
Andi
DISCLAIMER; I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS. THE ONLY THING I OWN IS THE DIRECTION THE STORY IS GOING IN.
Keeping Yourself Alive-
Jackie's POV
"Well that was some county fair. And they really went all out with the musical entertainment. I mean The Beach Girls were fabulous. I've never seen the Beach Boys but I cannot imagine their any better." Kitty Forman said from the passengers seat. I was in the middle between she and Red, and in the back seat, Randy sat next to Donna who was in the middle with Steven on the other side, while Fez was in the trunk.
"Oh the only thing worse then listening those Beach Whales was watching Steven throw up after spending all the day in the beer garden." I said rather bitterly, still disgusted from watching my ex boyfriend puke his guts up, though it was a big improvement from watching him make out with his stripper wife.
"I had a good reason to throw up. I was drunk." Steven tried from behind us, still clearly slurring his words. I just rolled my eyes and prepared to shoot back with something that would start another argument between us.
"Oh I wish I could say I was drunk the whole time I went out with you" I bitched back, just waiting for a asshole remark that would turn the petty argument even more pathetic. I could tell from the sighs of everyone around us they were sick of hearing us bicker and bitch, but they said nothing, mostly because they were all scared of us.
"Oh yeah, it's a good thing you're not a drinker. You'd have a hard time operating that heavy machinery. Your mouth!" he said back, very proud by his insult. I heard the older man next to me laugh a bit and shot him a glare, he quickly turned attention back to the road and all was silent once again.
The people in the car were quiet use to this routine. Steven would do something stupid, I'd make mean comments and make him feel like more of an asshole, but he would just shoot back at me with something to hurt me, and eventually it would get silent, and Fez would take the hint to kill the awkwardness.
"Well I had a great time. I have an invisible dog on a leash, a goldfish in the bag and a giant stuffed panda. Of course I got some stupid stuff too. " he said as if it was on cue, and none of us could help but crack a smile at his childishness. He would never grow up, and that's almost what everybody seemed to love about him.
"You know Fez, you should be thanking Randy" Donna said before turning her eyes admiringly towards her newest boyfriend, "You were so amazing winning all that stuff. With your hair flowing and your muscles rippling… You were like a Greek God of knocking things over." she sighed dreamingly, and I felt as if I should puke at the lovingness. Its not that I wasn't one for a little romance, in fact, all my life all I had ever wanted to do was have the fairytale love story. The perfect prince to sweep me off my feet, love me endlessly, and never leave my side. And of course, every time I thought I was going to get it, I was fooled, and left with a broken heart. After Michael had hurt me, and I had moved on to Steven and he had hurt me, I gave up, I was done looking for a man to give me the perfect life, I was going to try to get it myself.
"Oh hail Ballus Knockoverus!" Steven chanted from the back seat, "I'm still drunk." he added after everyone gave him a strange look. We shrugged it off, though I was tempted to say something else to piss him off, I held off and continued to listen to my friends chat behind me.
"So, how did you get so good at popping balloons with darts?" Donna asked her boyfriend curiously, I turned back waiting for the answer as well.
He shrugged and put on a half pathetic smile, "Well, when my parents divorced, I found comfort in the community of non-judgmental carnival workers. I taught them to read and in exchange they taught me how to play their games at chance."
"really?" I questioned, half caring, half just amused by the thought of it.
"Nah, I have a dartboard" he shrugged. I just rolled my eyes turning back around to look out the window.
"Well you won every game in the place" Mr Forman stated, smirking a little, "Donna, it must be nice to finally have a boyfriend who can swing that sledgehammer and get that little black thing past seriously hit it." he said laughing, though he was making fun of his very own son.
"Now you shush. Eric always did very well at the fair. Every time he went to that one booth he walked away with a stuffed animal" Mrs Forman quickly stated, trying to defend her baby boy.
"It was the gift shop" Red said with another chuckle, and the rest of us were trying hard to hold back our own laughter, except Donna, who was jumping at the chance to change the subject away from Eric.
"You won a prize to Mrs Forman. I can't believe you let that guy guess your weight" she said, still attempting to suck up to the woman who was going to be her mother in law.
"And I can't believe that the woman who almost married my son has already moved on to the next costumer because she's as loose as an old gym sock!" Kitty said shaking her head as she let out a deep breath, it was hard to believe this was still the menopause. Donna opened her mouth a little shocked.
"Horrus Maximus!" Steven yelled from his almost asleep drunken state, causing Mrs Forman to cool down a little before continuing to talk.
"Besides, that weight guesser never had a chance after I took off my shoes, belt, engagement ring, spat out my gum and took all the Kleenex out of my pocket" she said very sure of herself, "oh Fez honey you never gave me back my ring"
"Oh yes, so sparkly" he sighed from the trunk, as we hit a pothole, "and lost forever" he said in an afraid voice.
With in seconds we were all out of the car and searching around the dirt road for the ring. Well, atleast everybody else was, I was just standing by the car waiting impatiently to go home. They searched for a little over ten minutes before joining me back at the car again.
"My engagement ring! Its gone!" Mrs Forman yelled in her always dramatic voice, pointing to Fez, "you! You lost it! We let you into our country, we give you minimum wage jobs, we teach you how to use a knife and fork, and this, THIS is how you thank us?!" she was now completely losing it, which wasn't too new. Red came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder,
"Kitty.. I hate to see you so upset when there's such and easy solution" he said walking her towards the car, "Let's just get you home, I'll make you a Martini and when you calm down, I'll make you a Margarita." he said she seemed to agree and I couldn't help but laugh, but noticed he was already walking towards the car to get it.
"Wait.. What about us?" I questioned, looking quiet helpless, I was not an outdoors kind of person.
He turned back to me with a smile that made me know that there was no way he was taking us home, "oh, you're gonna stay here and look for the ring. And if it rains.. Do like the Indians did, die" he said and that was that. They were gone.
General POV
It was silent for a while after the Forman's drove off, and the group of friends stood staring at each other with blank looks on their faces.
"Ah! I got it!" Fez finally spoke up, with a fool proof plan, at least it was in his mind, "the ring, must've rolled down the hill.. And been eaten by a squirrel, so we'll just find the squirrel, feed it laxatives, and wait for the show to begin!" he said walking off towards the hill. Jackie and Hyde followed annoyed out of their minds, while Donna and Randy stayed in place.
"God, we're stuck out here? That's a bummer. I've been waiting to get you home ever since you threw that ping pong ball into the floating teacup." Donna laughed scooting closer to her boyfriend.
"Maybe we can sneak off. You know the woods can be pretty romantic. That is, unless you run into a serial killer. Or a witch who lives in a house made of candy." he nodded, smiling a big goofy grin as she chuckled before pulling him towards the rest of their friends.
"Hey you guys, you know I was thinking that maybe we can find the ring faster if we split up into teams." she said as if she actually cared about finding the ring.
"Say Donna, that's a great idea! But who, may I ask, would go with whom?" Randy asked, being sarcastically clueless to the whole thing.
"I get Donna!" Jackie said instantly, "that way if we run into a bear, I can just climb her" she said smiling.
"No.. I was thinking I would go with Randy.. And you, could go with Hyde" Donna said hopefully, watching the look on her best friends face instantly change.
"No, no no no" she shook her head, "I am NOT teaming up with Steven" she refused, "that would be like Cher teaming up with a really smelly drunk guy"
"Did you guys here that?" Hyde asked looking around his friends, "it was the call of the brown-haired pigmy bitch" he grinned causing Jackie to glare.
"I didn't hear anything" she growled.
"Oh! There it is again!" he laughed, watching Jackie grab Donna's arm and pull her in the other direction.
A few minutes later Hyde is walking in front of Randy in the woods looking around for the ring.
"Hey this what it's all about. The outdoors, us guys talking man to man. You know, Jackie is so annoying. I didn't realize when we were going out. Sometimes you gotta marry a stripper to get things into perspective. Anyway. This is good. The outdoors. Just us guys. Talking man to man. It's what it's all about." Hyde said drunkenly as they kept walking. Randy just looked at him and shook his head.
"Yeah.. Hey, can I team up with Donna?" he asked looking around the woods.
"What? Nooo, it's all about the guys! Ah man, I can't get between you and Donna. Cause love, that's what it's all about" he says sitting down, "And jugs. Especially jugs. The love. But mostly jugs. You know what I mean man?" he looks around for Randy but realizes hes gone and sighs, "Silence. That's what it's all about."
Meanwhile in the Forman kitchen Red is fixing Kitty a drink. The two aren't talking, Kitty is clearly still panicking.
"This is just awful" she said taking a drink of her martini.
"Fine, I'll put more gin in it.." Red told her taking the drink from her hand.
"No Red, the ring!!" she yelled, "and you know what this is all your fault, if you weren't driving like a madman over a pothole, I wouldn't be drinking to calm my nerves! I would just be drinking!" she added, pointing her finger at him.
"Hey, I'm not the one that gave my ring to the foreign kid, you're lucky he's not wearing it through his nose!" he shot back, watching her take another drink.
"Oh this is just the worst thing ever" she sighed again.
"Its just a ring Kitty!" he finally yelled.
"I am talking about the drink!" she said back as he took it to make another one.
While Red made another drink Bob came in as cheerful as always.
"Hey there. I was just putting out the trash and heard you two having a little spat so I figured you'd probably want me to come and take a side." He said smiling big at the both of them, who just shook their heads.
"Okay well my engagement ring is lost and Red doesn't even give a damn. And I don't understand it because even if he doesn't care about the sentimental value, it still cost a 1000 dollars." Kitty said furiously. Bob looked to Red and nodded his head, smiling.
"1000 dollars huh?" he asked, "so you finally replaced the old cheap one ay?" he said patting him on the back. Red opened his mouth, but was cut off by a confused Kitty.
"What.." she questioned, looking back and forth between the two.
"Booooob.." Red growled and Bob just shrugged.
"Jeez, you blew it now Red" he sighed shaking his head.
"What's he talking about Red, what old cheap one?" she questioned letting her eyes pretty much burn a hole into him.
"Kitty.." he started, "I love you" he said handing her another martini.
"How much did my ring cost Red" she demanded an answer.
"Right.. Right around 1000 dollars" he said slyly.
"How much exactly Red" she asked again.
"65 dollars.." he mumbled watching her look shocked.
"65 dollars?! My hair do costs more than that!" she screamed.
"It does? Where the hell are you getting.. Which is besides the point because you look lovely!" he tried, without success.
"You know what else looks lovely? The view, from the couch! Which is where your cheap lying butt will be sleeping tonight!" she said before storming off leaving Bob and Red in the kitchen.
"You know she's right about that couch. Perfect view of the TV!" Bob exclaimed causing even Red go grin.
In the woods things weren't going great either though. Jackie was talking nonstop about her hate towards Hyde.
"Steven is such a jerk. I can't believe I almost married a guy who can belch the alphabet all the way to W. You know, he never finishes anything." she spat, pushing her way through bushes with disgust.
"Well…Randy is perfect. That lady at the fair who did the caricatures? She refused to draw him cause she couldn't find a flaw." Donna said giggling like a school girl.
"Oh please" Jackie said rolling her eyes, "that lady had no talent, I mean did you see how big she drew my mouth?" she huffed as Randy and Hyde came from another way.
"Hey" Randy smiled pulling Donna's attention away from Jackie's last comment quickly.
"Hey" she smiled back taking his hand.
"Any luck finding the ring?" he asked hopefully.
"No. But we did find a broken high heel, some old stockings and an empty pack of Marlboro's." Donna said with a little laugh.
"yeah, so it looks like Stevens moms been here" Jackie glared while Hyde just scoffed.
"Please, you don't know my mom" he glared, "she smokes Lucky's" he shrugged it off.
"Well! Maybe its time to shake up search parties a little.." Randy jumped in between the tension, showing everyone a coin, "If its heads, I take Donna, tails, Jackie" he flips the join and catches it, "oh look heads" he smiles before looking at the coin and grabs Donna's hand.
"No, I can't go with Steven! He's a disgusting pig" Jackie pulled her friends back.
"Yeah, I'm not going with her man, she's a stuck up princess" he shot back looking at her.
"Oh don't try to sweet talk me" she huffed getting more in his face than she already was.
"Okay look, we're not gonna find this stupid ring anyway so let's just get out of here. Where's Fez?" they looked around at each other shrugging and went off again to find him.
In a near by cave Fez sat alone, with his goldfish of course.
"Well Goldie, it seems that we're lost in a dark cold lonely cave. You look scared too. Your eyes are budding out of your head. But I'm glad you're here. So at least I can have a conversation with a fish. Otherwise I'd be losing my mind."
In the woods the gang was still having trouble finding him.
"Fez?!" Donna yelled looking around, "where is he.."
"Oh don't worry, He survived his trip over here in a banana crate, he'll be fine in the woods." Jackie said rolling her eyes.
"Actually I'm kind of worried" Randy agreed, "Its cold, dark, there's no pornography anywhere.." He said being cut off by a strange animal sound.
"What was that?!" Jackie jumped looking around.
"That was a wild Canadian boar." Hyde smirked, "They feed on likeable girls. You're safe." he said touching her arm as she glared.
"You know, being out here like this, without any TV or magazines, you know makes me realize how people 500 years ago must have felt. Incredibly bored." Donna sighed as they reached a creek.
"By the way Donna. If you're ever lost in the outdoors, just find the North Star. It's gentle twinkling will comfort you…" Randy started as he caught up with her, putting his arm around her again, "as you slowly die." he said giving her a big smile.
"Oh ewww, wh…" Jackie started looking over at the creek, "now we have to cross a disgusting river?!"
"Jackie" Donna laughed rolling her eyes, "its just a creek"
"Fine, well why don't take your shoe off and we'll all just row ourselves across" she glared watching Randy cross the bridge and offer Donna his hand.
"My lady" he smiled helping her across before they walked over together. Jackie watched as Hyde walked across as well.
"How am I suppose to get across?" she questioned pouting.
"Just come across like you always do.." he smiled, "real bitchy"
She sighed glaring, "Ugh. Well you know what? Even when we were dating, you never did the gentleman-ly thing."
He shook his head, caving to her and holding out his hand, "Alright, fine, give me your hand."
She looked past it, "ew no, you've been burping into that hand all day" she said disgusted.
"Oh please, you've touched grosser things" he shot back, "you dated Kelso for 4 years!"
"Ugh, I'll get across myself" she whined stepping onto a log. She took a step, before falling. Hyde laughed a little hearing her scream as she hit the water.
"well that couldn't have worked out any better.." he laughed to himself walking off, not bothering to help her up.
A little while later Hyde was still laughing as Jackie came stomping up behind him drenched and dirty.
"You guys missed it! Jackie fell in the creek!" Hyde laughed still excited.
"Will you shut up already?! I can get pneumonia and DIE!" she screamed stomping her foot again.
"and it just keeps getting funnier.." he smirked, watching her face drop.
"You know what Steven, you probably would laugh if I died wouldn't you?!" She screamed, finally fed up with the entire night, "you know I'm sure you and your little stripper wife still laugh it up about how much you hurt me don't you?!" she was now on the verge of tears and everyone, even Hyde's faces had dropped into a bit of sadness, "Because I was just what everything else in life is to, a fucking joke!" she screamed before storming off into the woods, not bothering to think that she was going into the dark woods alone.
Donna stayed silent before looking at the two shocked guys,
"I should go talk to her.." she started, walking in the direction her friend had just stormed off in. Hyde quickly sighed and grabbed her arm.
"No.. I got it" he mumbled, all Donna did was nod and walk back to Randy.
Hyde looked through the woods for what seemed like forever, until he finally heard the sounds of cries coming from around the creek. His heart sank a bit as he watched her sitting on the branch she had fallen off of earlier, crying her eyes out. What was worse than seeing her crying, was why she was crying. He had done this to her, and he knew it.
"Hey.." he said softly sitting next to her. She looked up quickly before looking back to the water.
"Here to tell me how perfect my life is again?" she questioned faking a bitchy smile for him.
"Look.." he sighed, watching her slightly turn her head to him, "I'm sorry" he finally said, something that wasn't very common of Steven Hyde. She just shook her head, rolling her eyes.
"Sorry for what Steven? Kicking me when I'm down, marrying a stripper, breaking my heart, making fun of my perfect life when you know more than anyone my life is anything but perfect?" she questioned, getting angrier by the second.
"All of it I guess.." his voice was almost shaky. She just shook her head.
"You know what the worst part of it was?" she questioned, not waiting for an answer, "I wanted to wait for you" she said holding back tears that were threatening her eyes again, "I knew you weren't ready to get married, and I gave up everything I ever wanted because I wanted you more, and then she showed up, and you let her stay" she said shaking her head letting her tears start to fall again. Hyde was silent, what could he possibly say to take back what he had done to her.
"I thought it'd be easier" he admitted, in a still drunken state, she looked up at him confused, "to let her stay.. That way you'd hate me.. "
"You wanted me to hate you?" she questioned, trying to sound less hurt than she actually.
"I'd rather you hate me than love me" he shrugged, "you kept loving me, when I hurt you over and over again.. I figured if you hated me, I wouldn't hurt you anymore"
She nodded, almost understandingly. Though she was shocked that he was telling her this, Steven Hyde was not one to share his emotions, but he was drunk so it kind've made sense.
"Do you love her?" she finally asked, looking up at him hopefully. He couldn't help but grin a little as he shook his head.
"If you tell anyone, I'll deny it" he promised, "but you're the only person I've ever really loved.." he promised tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She smiled a little nodding.
"Then why'd you marry her.." she asked, even though she knew the answer.
"Jackie.. I was drunk, I didn't even remember it. Hell, I still don't remember it." he admitted shaking his head. All was silent for at least 10 minutes when he finally looked at her shivering, he couldn't help but smile a little. She wasn't even complaining.
"Come on.. Lets get you home before you get pneumonia" he smirked wrapping his jacket around her shoulders. She just rolled her eyes stepping up on the branch and letting him help her back across.
The walk in the woods back to the rest of the gang was pretty silent, and so was the car ride home with Bob. Well silent between Jackie and Hyde at least, the sounds of Fez and Bob singing could be heard echoed through the woods. But they sat comfortably in the back seat next to each other, almost feeling like it was closure between them for once, but closure could always spark up some old feelings. Or some feelings that were never really gone to begin with.
AN: Sorry if you hated it, most of it was exact lines, only put into story form. But that's the only chapter that will start like that. There will be exact quotes in the other ones, but only the ones I think are needed.
UP NEXT; Sam's real husband shows up;; Jackie makes a list about her perfect guy, but no matter how perfect he sounds on paper, she realizes he's still no Steven Hyde.
