"I miss her already, Zeniba." Haku sat at her table, sipping tea and chatting with her after he'd 'escorted' Boh's to his aunt's house. Yubaba couldn't have liked it, but Zeniba suspected that Boh had demanded to go, possibly even thrown a fit. She only hoped that these visits became a tradition.
"We all miss Chihiro," the witch replied, refilling her tea cup.
"I know. But it's only been two months and I can't forget about her." Irritation flashed through the jade-green eyes, and with it, Zeniba thought, a trace of sorrow. Then Haku slammed his cup down, sloshing scalding tea over his hands without a flinch. "I can't forget her."
"But why would you want to forget about her?" she asked. "Chihiro deserves to be cherished forever in our hearts."
"I know, but I see her everywhere," Haku leant forward, desperation in his eyes. "Not a minute goes by where I don't think of her scent, her laugh, or her smile. I need peace."
Zeniba nodded. "Time does heal all wounds." Hopefully, he'd be satisfied with that old adage. Moving the conversation to less dangerous waters, she said, "Now, tell me how your apprenticeship with my sister is going…."
. . . . . . . .
One summer day, while Zeniba was poring through her musty, old tomes, she was pleasantly surprised to hear her nephew shrieking as he tore through her yard. Smiling to herself, she moved to open the door for them, greeting them with an enveloping hug.
"It's so good to see you, Boh," she gushed, looking over her grandson with a critical eye. "And my, haven't you lost weight. Would you like something to eat?" She drew him into the kitchen, Haku following behind them. "Sit down, sit down," she urged the two. "I'll get something to eat. It's so nice to have visitors again. How long has it been since I saw you?"
Bustling around in her kitchen, boiling tea leaves and finding the egg custards she's placed under stasis charms for exactly this situation, she almost missed Haku's quiet answer. "Three years," he murmured. "It's been three years."
Spotting the custards, Zeniba disenchanted them and placed them on the table. "You're right," she said, noting Haku was thinner and paler than last time. "It's been three years since I last saw either of you. Now, eat up!" A smile on her face, the witch watched Boh and No-Face grab an egg custard. But Haku didn't, instead keeping his hands folded in his lap. She looked at him critically, then jumped to her feet. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "The tea!" Zeniba hurriedly excused herself, and when she returned with the kettle of boiling water, she said, "Boh, after this, why don't you go play with No-Face? Haku and I have some grown-up things to discuss."
Boh nodded. "Okay, Auntie," he replied amiably. After scooping up two handfuls of egg custards, he lumbered off into the backyard, No Face trailing him.
Once the six-year old had disappeared, Zeniba drew closer to Haku and said, "Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong. What's there to say?" he asked with forced innocence, refusing to meet her eyes.
"Chihiro." She watched as he trembled, on the verge of falling apart. "Do you miss her?"
The question seemed to unnerve Haku. He turned away and spat, "I do not miss humans."
Zeniba sighed to herself. So this was how it was going to be. "Haku," she said gently. "Embrace your loss and pain and sorrow. It's the only way to recover. Ignoring your feelings will only makes it hurt more."
"No," he insisted. "I don't think about her anymore. And I won't ever again. She was just a puny human."
"Fine." Haku wished to be left alone, and pressing him would be counter-productive. "If you ever need me, though, I'll be here for you." She regarded the boy before her and repeated, "I'm always here for you. If Chihiro was my granddaughter, then you are my grandson."
. . . . . . . .
A knock on the door.
Zeniba hadn't received many visitors lately, not since No-Face had wandered away and Yubaba had forbidden her son from visiting, but intuition told her who was standing there on her doorstep. She hobbled over and pulled her door open, revealing a slight boy with haunted jade-green eyes.
"Haku." She greeted him warmly, not a trace of reproach in her voice. "Do come in. I'll get some tea ready."
The boy dipped his head and replied, "Thank you, Zeniba. Boh is here as well." He moved aside, revealing the giant boy who'd been trying to hide in the bushes.
Boh stuck his tongue out. "I was going to surprise her!" he complained. "You're such a spoilsport, Haku." Yet he followed Haku inside with a wide grin on his face. Both sat at her table, watching the witch as she bustled about preparing a small meal.
When the table was laden with tiny sandwiches, steamed dumplings, and miniature egg custards, Zeniba finally sat down. Boh had already been chattering at No-Face for quite some time now, so, while pouring herself a cup of chrysanthemum tea, she asked Haku, "How are you?"
"I thought over what you said," he answered. "And I'm fine." However, the slightest tightening of his eyes betrayed his true feelings.
Zeniba clucked sympathetically. "I know you're not 'fine'," she replied. "Really Haku, I'm much more perceptive than that. Something is bothering you. Tell me, is it Chihiro?"
"Yes," Haku sighed. "I know it's been years since she left, but I can't forget her. Please, Zeniba, help me. I can't find a moment's peace. It's impossible to forget her."
Zeniba gave a pitying look to the child before her. "Haku, it's been ten years since Chihiro left us. I've kept hoping that she'd return, but it seems that she won't. At least, not on her own."
Haku groaned. "I know!" he cried. "I've tried to cross over to the Human World, but I can't." His head drooped, and murmured, ashamed, "I promised her that we'd see each other again, but that's never going to happen. I lied to her. I told her not to look back at the Spirit World so that she could escape Yubaba, but now she can't ever return, and I can't go see her."
Zeniba nodded sadly. "Yes, as such a powerful spirit, bereft of a human landmark, you'll never be able to enter her world again." She took a sip of tea and said, sadly, "It's too bad that Chihiro lost her hair tie. I've been meaning to tell you, but you never came by. Anyways, without the hair tie, we'll never hear from her again."
"That's not true." Haku sagged, holding his head in his hands. "I can still feel her. Her spirit still walks over my dried up river, searching for a way back, crying; she misses us, and it's all my fault, because of me she's trapped, because of me she can never return. Zeniba, the guilt is driving me crazy. Memories of her haunt me. Even when I manage to forget, if only temporarily, I can feel her spirit near my river, crying. The guilt is killing me."
Zeniba was at a loss for words. She wouldn't have ever guessed that Haku still had a connection, however weak, with his river, nor that he still felt Chihiro interacting with it. "Perhaps you could sever your connection with your river?" she suggested.
"No." Haku was adamant. "It's my last way of hearing from Chihiro. I won't let that go."
Ah. True love. She'd forgotten how deep it truly ran. "Haku, be logical. You two will never see each other again. Try to live out the rest of your life without her. Remember her, but do not let your memories of her consume you. Do not become a faint shadow of yourself."
"Goodbye, Zeniba." Haku stood, regret in his eyes. "It seems it's time for this visit to come to an end. Perhaps next time we see one another, it will be on better terms." He strode outdoors to where Boh tore about the yard, shrieking, and said, "Boh, come. We must be leaving now."
. . . . . . . .
Twenty-five years had passed since Chihiro had left the Spirit World. The girl would be thirty-five now, probably married and with a family of her own. Zeniba hadn't expected any visitors this fine summer day, but some special intuition told her to keep a pot of tea warm and have some egg custards to go with it.
Therefore, she wasn't overly surprised when she opened the door and saw Haku standing there. "Haku," she said, giving him a hug. "It's been years since I last saw you, and you haven't changed a bit! What are you doing now? Your apprenticeship must be over — what are you going to do with yourself?"
A quiet smile flitted across his face. "Zeniba, that's actually why I came. It's about the rest of my life. With my apprenticeship over, I have no other obligations, and I have realised that one day, Chihiro will die." He paused. "She'll end up in a place beyond me, for the Dead go to the place of Death, where they spend eternity, and I am to remain here, ever-young, in the Spirit World." There was a light burning in his eyes, one which frightened Zeniba. "I want to join Chihiro in the Land of the Dead. I've done my research; it is possible, contrary to all belief. And you can help me."
"No." Zeniba was adamant. "You cannot throw your life away."
However, Haku stood resolute. "My life has been meaningless ever since she left, Zeniba. Nothing remains to 'throw away'. I will see Chihiro again. Help me, or I swear I'll do it alone."
Zeniba could only stare at Haku. Finally, she relented. "You'll need my solid gold seal," the witch sighed. "Chihiro's love broke its curse, and it will draw you to her in the Land of the Dead." She stood quickly, drying her eyes with a handkerchief. Haku was both incredibly brave and loyal to do this for Chihiro.
After scrabbling through her dresser, her hand finally closed around the solid gold seal. "I've found it!" she cried, pulling it from underneath her pile of panties. She hurried back to Haku and placed it in his hands, wrapping his fingers around it. "You'll need to swallow this, Haku. After that, on the banks of the river which divides the Spirit and Human worlds, renounce your heritage, for you cannot be a spirit if you are to find Chihiro. And after that comes the sacrifice." Zeniba grimaced. "You will be slaughtered. The pain will be excruciating, yet you must remain alive until the very end, your heart still beating and your eyes still seeing. Are you truly willing to do this?"
Haku had paled from her description, but his visage was calm as he said, "I will. I will see Chihiro again." He smiled softly, then added, "Grandmother, I request that you wield the knife."
Her heart heavy, Zeniba nodded. She couldn't bear Haku's death, but neither could she bear his tired, haunted look and his forlorn, wearied countenance. It was his decision, and she was certainly less sardonic than her sister, Yubaba, who would take pleasure in torturing the dragon, and really couldn't be trusted to do the job correctly. "I will be there for you, Haku."
"Thank you, Zeniba. Now let us go. I have already been separated from Chihiro for far too long." Clutching both the sacrificial knife and the golden seal in his hands, Haku shed a solitary tear. "I'm going to see Chihiro again," he choked. "I never would have thought this possible."
He transformed into a dragon and, with Zeniba on his back, flew to the river. Although the trip was brief, Zeniba tried to burn it into her mind. It was the last time she'd behold Haku's magnificent dragon form without bloody, guilty hands.
When Haku landed on the banks of the river, Zeniba took the moment to marvel at the pure, unspoiled innocence of the site. Waves of tall grasses bent and swayed in the wind, and the sky above them was the palest blue, dabbled with thin, ephemeral clouds. The river was naught but a trickle running through the rocks, much like it had been that fine summer's day when she and Yubaba had found their own way across and into the Spirit World. Zeniba sighed. Life was cruel, morphing her sister into a monster and stealing Chihiro, but she'd hoped it would leave Haku with her. But it seemed she was fated to lose another person she loved. And this time, by her own hand.
She had to sacrifice Haku.
When she faced the dragon, Zeniba's hand convulsed around the knife. His doleful eyes looked at her beseechingly; although many would have thought he were begging for his life, Zeniba knew better. He was begging for his death.
Though she hated herself for it, Zeniba thrust the knife into Haku's stomach and began to carve runes, chanting, "By the blood and bone of this dragon, by the wind and water within him…."
Haku let out an inhuman shriek, but Zeniba was relentless. For days she laboured over his body, watching his blood stain the knife, the steps and the river. Finally, when every inch of Haku was covered in scarlet runes and her hands were a deep crimson she'd never wash away, the witch released his spirit.
"Begone!" she commanded, forcing his mouth open and painstakingly slicing the rune of banishment on his tongue. "This dragon has suffered. By the agony of his soul and the destruction of his body, unbind his spirit!"
The markings covering Haku's body glowed a deep gold, and his eyes shot open, shining a pure white. Then he collapsed, falling haphazardly to the ground.
Zeniba watched with bated breath. After a long moment, she detected the faintest of stirrings: a translucent dragon rose from the corpse of the old and nuzzled Zeniba's cheek. "Well done," it breathed, then coiled around itself and cried, "I'm free! Chihiro, my love, I come to fulfill my promise at last."
Zeniba watched as Haku disappeared into the sky, doubtlessly drawn to the Land of the Dead. Then, her heart heavy, she returned to her cottage to sip her chrysanthemum tea. No longer would visitors drop by unannounced; no longer would she counsel Haku through losing Chihiro in a vain attempt to bury her own pain; once again, her cottage was empty, and this time, she'd get no visitors from either the Spirit World or the Human one. A single tear rolled down her wizened cheek.
Once again, she was alone.
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