Author's Note: For the Caesar's Palace Rainbow History Month Challenge. Happy National Coming Out Day! This takes place entirely within Sea Change, with all dialogue borrowed from Sonya's lines at the end of All or Nothing. For those unfamiliar with this fandom, Sonya and James are terrorists and Michael is an intelligence agent waffling on whether to join their organization.


James literally hands me off to Michael, cups his fingers over mine, and holds our hands fast. The resignation in his eyes reminds me of a king in some kind of Grimm's tale. The gesture seals the transfer of his network with the only thing Michael Westen ever really wanted. The network means more than his life, more than any of our lives and I will do my part.

I had been perfect for James Kendrick and I would be for Michael Westen. I had no desires of my own to prevent me from fulfilling theirs. Well save one, "My heart belongs to my work. It will always come first." It was not a line. It was the whole of what I'd become. "To do what we do you have to give up everything." I had my choice, it was easy to make. It was worth it to forego the lives others considered normal. Soon, we would make the calls. I had seen the good James had done, and it must continue.

Michael was beginning to understand, but he was not like me. His kisses drew his mouth to mine as though my lungs were the only source of air. His tear-filled gaze held a kind of longing I had never known.

Sex is a tool. It's good for distracting a target, or cementing loyalty in an underling, Michael falls prey to both. The ultimate case in point. Sex, was for me, a lie formed with my body rather than with words. While others are distracted in giving themselves over to pleasure like animals, I could plan tactics. I knew from experience that no man expects you to slit his throat mid-thrust. Or that a woman will purr her secrets like a contented cat if you stroke the right places.

I turned and stared up into Michael's eyes, then back at James, as we drop our joined hands.

James is going on about our new beginning, about what Michael will tell the CIA, but I am still thinking about the other night, about the way Michael looks at me now, about sacrifices.

"I went straight from the GRU to this. I never had a chance for friends or a family."

Would either of them believe me if I said I never wanted one at all?