Public,
adjective
1. of or concerning the people as a whole.
"public concern"
2. done, perceived, or existing in an open view.
"He wanted a public apology in the Wall Street Journal."
noun
1. ordinary people in general; the community.
As Dan Howell became more and more famous, he was beginning to hate the public. Well, not the general public of the world or even the public of the United Kingdom, but he was beginning to hate the fans. His fans. Their poking and prodding at if he was homosexual, or if he was dating this girl or that girl. Their over analyzing at every little bit about him and Phil, and past things they once said to each other. It was all becoming troublesome and stressful, and Dan simply hated it. Sometimes, it even made him want to quit YouTube and or move out of the apartment he shared with his companion Phil Lester. Yet, he couldn't quit YouTube he loved doing it too much and he also loved Phil too much to even think about being in a different place all alone.
Yes, Dan did love Phil. In a much more than friend, and Phil loved Dan in the same mannerism as well, but the two of them were not quite romantically involved with one another. Sure, there were kisses sneaked just before bed or before one of them went out to do something, but it was only in the privacy of their domain that they did this. As much as Dan would like to be romantically invested with Phil, he knew that it would kill both of them not being able to show affection to one another outside like regular couples do. One night, this particularly got to Dan, it was a night when he was having an existential crisis and Phil was out to something for dinner; he tried to calm himself down by just mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr. Unfortunately, that did not work and only made it worse. The anger mixed with the sadness in a storm of just rage, as Dan realized he might never be able to love Phil like he wanted to if the fans continued with this.
Dan took his anger out on the wall behind him.
The wall didn't break much, but Dan's knuckles became blooded and scrapped. Yet, the pain felt oddly comforting therefore he did it again and watched as the blood from his knuckles ran through his fingers.
"Dan, what did you do?!" Dan quickly turned around from where he stood, blood from his hand dripping onto the white carpet, and blood stained the white wall as well. Phil's bright blue eyes were wide as his gaze flickered from the wall, to his lover's hand, to the blood stained floor. Phil quickly dropped the food that he was carrying, grabbed his younger companion's arm, and lead him to the bathroom. Where he cleaned up Dan's wounds and wrapped his hand in gauze. The entire time Phil did so, Dan looked at him with such a sorry gaze in his big, brown eyes.
As of late, Dan and Phil had been holding off on the affection. Even standing close to each other in photographs was a no. This fact had made Dan begin to think that Phil didn't care for him anymore, or cared very little about him. But as Phil worked desperately to stop the bleeding and patch him together, the dark-brown-haired boy realized just how much Phil still cared.
"Why, little one, why did you do this?" Phil wondered, his beautiful blue eyes looked so deep into Dan's that he could feel the black-haired boy picking at him, and picking at his soul. Searching for some reason as to why he did this. Dan lifted his hand up wrapped his gauze, and absentmindedly ran it down the side of Phil's cheek before turning away his gaze and stepping away from Phil.
"I just got mad, that's all," Dan mumbled, looking down at the titled floor of their bathroom.
"What made you mad?" Phil asked, reaching his hand out to pull Dan closer to him, but stopped once Dan stepped back even further.
"Just the fans, everything, they're so intrusive they can't just leave one little thing alone. They have to be like the Sherlock fandom, and pick apart at every little thing. But they forget that we're actual people, that we're not fictional characters. And then I started thinking about...about how we used to be...and how we used to have little kisses...and how we used to cuddle sometimes. I started thinking about making videos like the first Phil Is Not On Fire...and the first AmazingDan...and I thought...if they kept this up...I'd never be able to love you..." the taller, but younger dark-haired boy explained as he continued to avoid Phil's gaze.
Phil reached up his hand, and tilted Dan's face up so that he finally looked him in the eyes. Dan's eyes brimmed with tears.
"Dan...I know, the fandom makes me mad too, but please don't hurt yourself over it. I'm sorry I've been so distant, I'm sorry that things aren't the same. I still love you...I love you so much..come here.." Phil beckoned Dan into his arms, and Dan did as he was told with gratefulness in his heart as he was able to hold the one he loved so dearly in his arms again.
"Dan, I want to be able to love you too. No, rephrasing that, I am going to love you. It just can't be out in public at the moment, but I am going to love you." the black-haired male stated firmly.
"That's all I could ask for, I just want you to love me." Dan whispered into Phil's soft hair.
"I do love you, so much."
"I love you,"
Service
noun
1. the action of helping or doing work for someone
"Millions are involved in voluntary service."
2. a system supplying a public need such as transport, communications, or utilities such as electricity and water.
"A regular bus service."
adjective
1. perform routine maintenance or repair work on (a vehicle or machine).
"Have your car serviced regularly."
Sometimes, Dan thought that it would be a service to his fans if he just admitted to them that he did in fact love Phil. Yet, Phil always convinced him of otherwise, saying that it would only cause some sort of issue that they did not want happening. Dan never particularly enjoyed drama, as many times as he was "involved" in it since he hit one million subscribers, he never admitted to the fandom that he loved Phil. It was also times like this when Phil would nuzzle himself into Dan's chest, and Dan would have to place his arms around the smaller boy; hold him. His lover to him was like nicotine to a chronic loop thirty-pack-a-day smoker, he filled his veins with comfort and peace like smoke filled a person's lungs. Phil calmed him down so much.
That was until one day when Dan just about had enough.
Yet, he didn't show it in a usual mannerism, no.
That day, Dan and Phil went to find a Starbucks place to have coffee together then to go shopping with one another. Like they've done before in their Day In The Life videos, except this time they weren't filming. Yet, there was something different and Phil could tell. Dan knew, but refused to say much to Phil until when they were standing at the Starbucks counter waiting for their coffee.
Dan grabbed a hold of Phil's hand.
Phil did not move his hand away, but he jumped slightly at this and looked up at Dan who looked down at him with a sweet dimple smile and deep brown eyes that told him that he didn't care if anyone saw them. Therefore the two of them continued to hold hands until they sat down at a booth; they drank their coffee and talked to one another as normally as ever. Laughing with one another, and Dan thought he couldn't have it any other way. Throughout the day, Dan would grab Phil's hand and hold it; there was even one point when he gestured for Phil to spin as if they were dancing and he did. The two of them shopped together. Oh, how happy Dan was.
Once the two of them got home, and they sat on the couch watching a rerun of American Horror Story while eating dinner. Phil decided to ask Dan,
"Why did you start holding my hand today?"
"Because I love you," Dan said simply,
"Dan, that's not the only reason, but I love you." Phil commented.
Before Dan answered, he went onto his phone, on to Tumblr, and on to the danisnotonfire tag. Someone had taken a picture of Dan holding Phil's hand and them walking. Many people were saying it was real, many people were saying it was edited. He smiled to himself, closed his phone, and answered:
"I was simply doing them a service."
Announcement
noun
1. a public and typically formal statement about a fact, occurrence, or intention.
the action of making a formal statement.
a notice appearing in a newspaper or public place and announcing something such as a birth, death, or marriage.
"he spokesperson was about to make an announcement."
For three days, neither Dan nor Phil spoke about the photo. If they posted something on Twitter or any sort of social media network it regarded nothing to the photo, no matter how many people tweeted them trying to get their attention about it. Dan was honestly very pleased with himself, as cruel as it seemed, the younger boy definitely did not do this for attention, but he simply did it to watch as the fandom scrambled around trying to deduce this. Finally, after four days of nothing saying anything, Friday morning Dan and Phil made a collaboration video. It would be going on Dan's channel; therefore they filmed it in Dan's room. That day, Dan also had decided to wear Phil's red plaid jumper for both the video and the fact that he really enjoyed wearing Phil's clothes. He fixated the camera; sat down beside Phil and waited for the light to flash red to show that it was filming.
"Hey there internet!"
"Hey guys!"
"So, I'm sure everyone in the entire world as seen the photo of Phil and I holding hands. It's interesting to watch you guys try and deduce evidence, you little Sherlocks. Well, today, I'm here to say that the photo is one hundred percent genuine. It is no one's edit, it is real. As that day, Phil and I went out for coffee and to shop a bit. No, I did not hold his hand simply to get a rise out of you. I'm not that kind of person, but I will tell you why. I am one hundred percent in love with Phil Michael Lester. I love him so much, and I hope to God he loves me just the same - Dan looks over at Phil who mouths to him of course and Dan smiles back at the camera -. I know this confession is probably going to cause the biggest shitstorm that has ever existed within this fandom, but I don't care anymore. I want people to stop acting like they know me better than I know myself. Sometimes, it honestly makes me sick. I don't want to begin to hate you guys! But you make it impossible sometimes with your poking and prodding into business that's not necessarily yours. You need to remember, we're real people with real feelings, not like Sherlock and John. I know I'm probably going to lose a couple thousand subscribers for this, I just hope you guys understand this. This has been Dan's Public Service Announcement. Now, Phil would you like to add anything?"
"I think you put it really well Dan; Dan and I have loved each other since Phil Is Not On Fire. But with everything that the fandom has created, we've had to force it down. I don't want to force it down anymore. I want to be able to love my Bear when we're out in public like that day when the photo was taken. I want to be able to show the world that true love does exist." - Dan was going to have to include the sound affect of 'awing' into that part when editing, he noted to himself -
Dan looked over at Phil, and Phil looked over at Dan. Blue eyes connected with brown eyes, and both were filled with all the love in the world. Full lips met thin lips for a split second, and hands rested on knees joined together.
"This has been a Phan Public Service Announcement."
