One Card Short
"I'm always one card short,"
Kurama wandered between the rows of cold, unseeing stone. All of them were
lined up straight and orderly, like soldiers in an army. But the one he wanted
was not in any of these rows. No, the one he wanted stood out from the rest,
set on top of one of the only hills in the place, underneath an enormous maple
tree. He grinned sadly to himself. The stone and the person it represented were
alike in many ways. They were both so different, they stood out in a crowd and
were unique. They seemed to proclaim to everyone and everything: "Look at
me! I dare to be different! I am unique!" It was a thing that made
Kurama's heart wrench. For another thing that the stone and the person had in
common was that they were both cold and dead. As he approached the stone his
heart seemed to sink into his feet. It always did when he came here. This place
was depressing, full of sorrows and tears, yet he couldn't keep away. Kurama
knelt before the gravestone and lifted his emerald eyes, shining with unshed
tears, to read the inscription embedded in the granite. 'Hiei: best friend and
comrade, forever with us.' So simple and yet, so true and powerful.
"Always one day late."
Hiei was dead, and it was all Kurama's fault. He hadn't been there to help him,
he had deserted him in his time of need. Now, Kurama and the rest of the group
had to pay the consequences...
~*FLASHBACK*~
He had gone off by himself somewhere, leaving Hiei standing alone in the
clearing. He had been so mad! But to this day, he could never remember the
exact reason why he left. He had wandered in the forest, aimlessly, not knowing
what he was going to do about Hiei. Then he heard Hiei's scream. He was running
towards it before he knew what he was doing. He learned afterwards that while
he was gone, a demon had attacked his friend and Hiei, being caught off guard
had yelled for Kurama. But by the time Kurama got there, Hiei's eyes were
closing for the final time and the demon was beginning to let out a victory cry.
Kurama stood there, shocked, until the full meaning of what had just happened
hit him like a train. He left the spot where he had been standing and charged
at the demon. His rage coursed through him like wildfire, hot and out of
control, consuming everything in its path. He killed the demon with one fell
stroke and rushed to Hiei's side. Hiei lay on the ground, eyes shut and
unmoving. Kurama grabbed his wrist, squeezing for a pulse he knew wouldn't be
there. He let out a scream of pure and utter anguish, clutching Hiei's body to
his chest. His best friend was dead.
~*END FLASHBACK*~
Kurama shook his head, trying to shake out the awful memories. He had been
tormented by them, day and night, ever since that awful day.
"For once I'd like an ending I can celebrate."
He squeezed his eyes shut, one glimmering droplet escaped and drew a shining
trail down his cheek. His fists clenched in anger. Why did it have to end like
that? Why was he stupid enough to leave Hiei? Why hadn't he come back faster?
The questions and the what-ifs flew through his tortured mind. They swirled
round and round in an endless whirlpool, swamping him and leaving him gasping
for air. His hands moved up to his face and he covered his eyes, the tears now
flowing swift and unchecked. Oh, Hiei.
"I need just one more move, one final chance to prove, I can win this
game!"
If only he could go back and relive that moment, that whole day really. He
wouldn't go off and leave Hiei, no matter what. He wouldn't be an idiot and
make the same dumb mistake. All he needed was one more chance. For he knew that
if he had that chance, Hiei would still be alive today.
"Life's just a game, we all wanna win."
Hiei had been given a life, a wondrous and precious gift, and it had been taken
away without so much as a second thought. Kurama tried to respect other life,
except when a threat would arise. He tried not to kill needlessly. Hiei
deserved better then this! He deserved life! Dammit! Kurama slammed his
tear-stained hand on the ground. Hiei had lost at the game of life.
"Sometimes it's over, before it's even begun."
The fight was over all too fast, Kurama hadn't been fast enough, hadn't been
good enough. It had ended almost before it had begun, taking Hiei by surprise,
catching him in one of those rare moments when he had been off guard. Off guard
because of Kurama. The demon had no scruples and despite Hiei's strength had
finished him off in a matter of about a minute. Kurama hadn't even given the
other demon a chance to look up, he had just killed it on the spot, choking off
the victory cry.
'If someone else gets hurt, then what have we really won?"
Kurama had left in anger, feeling high and mighty because he had had the last
word in their fight. Yet, now that it was over he didn't remember what it was
they had fought about. He had gloated to himself as he walked away that he had
won. But, after a while the smugness had worn off, to be replaced by a growing
sense of guilt. He felt bad about leaving Hiei. By now a funny feeling was
growing in his gut, as if something was wrong. One thought flashed through his
mind as the high-pitched scream shattered the forest air: HIEI. He turned and
rushed back to the clearing.
"Life's just a game, that's how the world is made."
Life was just one big game, a joke almost. Kurama grimaced as he pondered on
the fire-demon's words. Hiei had said that to him one day out of the blue. He
had meant it to. Kurama had been confused and ended up just shrugging it off as
normal Hiei-ness. Now he knew what the fire-demon had meant and he agreed. It
was funny how one event could change your whole perspective on life. Hiei had
played the game, and played it with the utmost of skill, but in the end he had
lost and lost badly.
"But are we really players, or are we being played?"
Life had cheated Hiei. Hiei had played along, played the cruel game. He had
endured so much. All the trials, the heartaches, sorrows, regrets, and mistakes
he had overcome had affected him greatly. They changed him, hardened him, made
him harsh and cold, only to be reached by those with wills of iron. Namely
Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Yukina. He had put up with life, but in the end
it was all for nothing. Life had turned and stabbed him in the back.
"I'm always one card short,
always one day late.
For once I'd like an ending I can celebrate.
I need just one more move,
one final chance to prove,
I can win this game!"
Hiei.
"Is what happens next in your control?"
Your fault. He's dead. Your fault, your fault.
"Are you doing what you want, or what you've been told?"
Dead. Your fault. The thoughts crowded his head, refusing to leave him in
peace.
"Do you choose the cards from your own hand? Or are we just puppets in
a master plan?"
Kurama wailed aloud and beat the ground. His guilt ate at him, tore at his
heart. He felt like dying himself. In the time since that day, his spirit had
been broken, and depression had settled on him like a cloud. He screamed louder
and sobbed, the tears soaking the ground under which Hiei was buried. Just as
the pain in his mind and heart became unbearable, he glanced up and nearly
jumped at what he saw. Hiei. Or rather, Hiei's spirit. Kurama's red-rimmed eyes
widened.
"Hiei?" he breathed.
The apparition said nothing, just stood there and cocked its head slightly to
one side.
"Oh Hiei! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I never meant for you to die! Honest.
Please, can you forgive me?"
The tears just never seemed to stop, and now they burst forth in a fresh wave,
as if a dam had broken. He stared at Hiei's spirit with pleading eyes. Hiei
stared back, then smiled, a rare and precious thing. Kurama knew he would
treasure that smile for the rest of his life. Kurama hesitantly smiled back,
the first real one in a long time. Hiei turned and began to walk away, and as
he did his spirit flickered and danced, then went out completely. He stared
hard at the spot where Hiei had been, then blinked several times. Hiei...his
heart felt lighter then it had in months. His guilt was gone, but his grief
still lingered, though not as sharp. He knew it would never completely go away,
yet he didn't really mind. Hiei was gone, but he'd see him again someday...
"Gimmie somethin', somethin' to celebrate."
DISCLAIMER: Yuyu Hakusho and all related characters and stuff were not created
by me, I do not own them. "One Card Short" isn't mine either. ^_^
