Warning for drug use.

100% humor.


Regina scowled at the fact that lately it seemed she had to search the entire town just to find the blonde woman. That had to make Emma Swan the worst sheriff and savior to ever live if she couldn't be found easily. Oh, and girlfriend. Worst girlfriend ever if she couldn't find her.

What if there was an invasion or something? Emma hadn't picked up the phone at the station, she hadn't picked up her cellphone, and she wasn't in her usual place enjoying a rather unhealthy lunch like always either. So, for the moment, the mayor gave up but when she got her hands on the blonde, she was going to give her more than a piece of her mind.

She walked into the foyer of her home and hung up her coat. Henry was still at school for the time being and seeing as she was the one who was going to have to pick him up now, Regina told herself she was going to relax until then. And one good way to relax was definitely planning on how she was going to get the younger woman after this vanishing act she was pulling.

"I could threaten to fire her," Regina thought out loud as she ran a hand through her hair. Then she immediately sighed, "…again."

Threatening anything never really worked. The blonde had little to fear from the former queen. Especially now that they were dating and it was honestly one of the best decisions they've both made. She wouldn't harm Emma even though there were plenty of times when she wanted to dish out a little physical punishment for the stupid and strange things the woman is prone to get herself into.

"Maybe I could-" she stopped and alertly looked around. Something was not right. There was a…presence. Fortunately, a familiar presence but that didn't take away her need to keep her guard up. The brunette moved a little further into the house and found that there was somewhat of a haze in the air. If the air was visible, there was already reason for concern. As she examined closer, the realization that it was coming from her kitchen sunk in. That room to her was almost as sacred as her bedroom.

Stalking towards the room, she readied for a battle with her magic tingling at her fingertips. She pushed the door opened and was instantly hit with smoke but not fire smoke. Waving the fumes out of her face she scoured her kitchen until she came to a particularly amusing and frustrating sight.

Emma Swan slumped against the cabinets. The brunette faintly recognized the tune from the blonde's lips. "I Shot the Sheriff" clearly being hummed to the radio and it didn't sound half bad but that wasn't the point. She walked over to the counter and turned off the radio and used a wave of her hand to get rid of the intense amounts of smoke trapped inside the room.

"Miss Swan," she frowned.

Emma looked up at her with droopy eyes and a goofy smile, "Oh, hey Regina."

"Miss Swan!" Regina repeated hoping the woman would understand the level of trouble she was about to be in. It seemed to work as the blonde's eyes widened for a moment in realization. She scrambled off the floor and tried to stand tall and steady in front of her girlfriend. She wobbled a little but accomplished her goal.

"Gina, you're home early," Emma coughed out.

"I was looking for you," Regina said in a clipped tone, snatching the rolled culprit that was causing Emma's already strange behavior to become even worse. She lifted it up in the blonde's face to find that the woman leaned back with wide eyes before grinning stupidly again. Her eyes were taking their slow time focusing but before they could something else caught Emma's attention. Regina sighed at her and shook her head. She grabbed the younger woman's chin and attempted to get her to focus.

"You wanted to share?" Emma asked with a look of curiosity and shame for not thinking of that in the first place. She really made it hard for the brunette to be mad at her sometimes. She had only known the cruelty of the world nearly her whole life and now she was this savior who always thought of everyone else first. That's why I'm here, Regina figured, I get to put her first.

"No, Emma. What are you doing with this?"

"I was tired."

"What happened to you taking naps all the time?" Regina asked exasperatedly.

"I mean I'm stressed, Regina. Storybrooke isn't just chasing Pongo around anymore. People do stupid, bad shit and I'm just tired." Emma added, her eyes roamed over to the refrigerator, "…and a little hungry."

"Well, you should know the effects of this stuff, dear."

"God, Gina," Emma sighed walking to the refrigerator with a slight bounce in her step with her socked feet. "It's not like it was cocaine or something. I'm happy and hungry that's all."

"You're like that all the time so why would you even need this?"

"Maybe I like feeling good. So what?"

"Are you saying our time together doesn't make you feel good? Happy?" Regina questioned slowly, leaning against the counter.

"No, that's not what I'm saying," Emma exclaimed, slamming the refrigerator door shut. Regina relaxed at her answer but scowled at the mistreatment of her appliances. Instead of scavenging for something there she walked over to the cabinet and reached for a book. Her girlfriend was confused as the blonde never actually picked up a cookbook so she could cook something. Although Emma didn't pull down a much used book. Homemade pizza cookbook that she shoved up there one day knowing Regina would refuse to make pizza without heavy pouting for days and even then she never used the book. It was convenient for her since the brunette trashed all her candy every time she found it. She hid her stash in the book that went untouched now.

"I can't believe-" Regina started at the sight of her blonde companion pulling out a chocolate candy bar.

"I just want to spend time you," Emma suddenly blurted out.


"Hey, it's my turn," Emma whined.

"You can wait dear," Regina said blowing smoke through her nose. She wondered why she hadn't done this before. After all the blonde did retrieve this from her garden. Though she'd only thought them to be weeds before Emma mention what it was.

They were sitting on the floor in the living room with a pizza box between them and the tv on a Disney movie they had forgotten about an hour ago. The room was somewhat of a mess but the mayor would worry about that when the high wore off, which probably wouldn't be for another few hours.

"This was my idea," she responded snatching it back.

"You wanted to spend more time with me," Regina pointed to herself while taking it from the blonde's fingers. Her girlfriend frowned and folded her arms across her chest but then soon she shuffled over next to the mayor and grabbed another piece of the now cold pizza. This time when she took it down in three bites, Regina didn't cringe and scold her. She just exhaled, blowing smoke into her face, with a slight grimace.

No retaliation came and Emma found herself very hungry still but really sleepy and settled for laying her head down in Regina's lap. She chuckled to herself at the fact that the woman had agreed to spend time together in this way and didn't bother even changing out of her work clothes…well not work clothes, just the usual Regina Mills attire. Regina leaned back against the couch and ran her fingers through the blonde mane splayed over her lap.

"Is this really what you had in mind when you wanted to spend time together?" she asked.

"No but this probably was better anyway," Emma mumbled finally falling asleep. Regina grinned at the statement and enjoyed the pleasant silence until her panic set in.

The front door opened and the high they were both experiencing wasn't going to let her magic cooperate that easily. This one time she really hoped it was Snow or something. In fact, she crossed her finger for it as she tried to push the blonde out of her lap.

"I had to fall for a bear of a sleeper," Regina muttered to herself shaking the woman.

"Mom?" Henry called closing the door behind himself. She cringed. She didn't have to pick Henry up because Henry drives himself everywhere. That's obviously why Emma's bug wasn't in the driveway. Before she could get a word out the teenager was standing in the door.

"Henry-" Regina tried.

Emma shot up from her sleep and rubbed her eyes. Seeing her son at the door she instantly pointed an accusing finger at the brunette, "It was your mom." Regina frowned at the blonde.

"Well, I figured you were kind of a pot head mom," Henry chuckled. The brunette's eyebrows raised to her hairline in surprised.

"You did?" Emma questioned, noticeably tempted to reach for another slice of pizza already. Henry smirked at his blonde mother as he nodded.

"I knew there were some plants in the garden that weren't as harmless as the rest. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your Friday evening activities."

"No, this is not-"

"You're awesome, kid," Emma interrupted, taking the offered opening to more of these evenings.

"I know. Plus, I also know you both are going to need hobbies when I go off to college."

"This isn't a mid-life crisis thing, Hen. Not for me at least."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Regina asked getting slightly offended.

"I'm not even anywhere near 40 yet and you…" Emma trailed off grabbing the first piece of chocolate that was within her reach.

"I what, Miss Swan?" the brunette questioned with narrowed eyes.

Henry rolled his eyes and left them to argue. He went up to his room knowing that they would be arguing for at least an hour about it. He walked into his room slinging his bag onto his bed and plopping down in his desk chair at the faint sounds of his brunette mother yelling at his blonde mother. He didn't think to diffuse it since he adopted the pouting face that Regina gave into from Emma. Seeing a scolded Emma with chocolate most likely smeared on her face like an adorably messy child would just melt his mom anyway.

Henry opened his laptop and started on his homework, chuckling to himself, "They're going to go crazy once I leave."

His assignment was to write at least a paper on the most interesting thing in his life and it was only fair to write about the mayor and the sheriff. And right on cue as he started typing, he heard his brunette mother yell, "SWAN, GIVE ME THE BROWNIE!"

He started typing:

"Well, where do I start…"