Dear Emma,
Sixteen years ago this afternoon I gave birth to you, and you gave me the role that nobody else could ever give me; a mother. Having known since the twenty week scan that you had Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia it was a day I had secretly wished would never come, although we all knew it had to. Your Dad and I couldn't have been any less prepared having thought you would hang on in there for another two weeks at least. But as always you started as you meant to go on; in-charge and strong headed just like me.
I know we don't talk about my pregnancy or your birth as much as other parents may, but it was truly the most terrifying day of my life. It easily surpassed that of my first day in an operating table with a patients beating heart in my hands. You were born via an emergency Caesarean section with a theatre full of our colleagues. Dad was calm and collected for both of us; he held my hand with such a firm and loving grip I couldn't help but feel a little reassured.
You entered this world limp, lifeless and blue. I didn't even get a chance to take a look at you before you were whisked away to be resuscitated. Dad followed behind the paediatric team, begging for you to take your first breath. I honestly believed we had lost you, and that I would never hear you cry. Thankfully we didn't. You fought against the near impossible and made it through life saving surgery at just a few weeks old. Your devoted Dad spent every spare moment at your side; singing you songs, reading you stories and promising you a future fit for such a beautiful and strong girl.
Up until the moment I first set eyes on you at 12 weeks pregnant I had never really known what love was. I do now, and I continue to learn about it each and everyday thanks to having you as my daughter. You taught me to love beyond measure, and with such free will I no longer has to hold myself back.
Holding you for the first time was such a special event. I'd dreamt of it for weeks, never knowing if it would ever really happen. I sat next to your incubator whilst Daddy knelt beside me grinning like a Cheshire Cat. I will never forget the way you smelt, how small you were, and how little you weighed. I absorbed every tiny detail you held, and even now when I close my eyes I can see it all over again.
Being your mum has been, and will continue to be, the best part of my life. Watching you learn to walk and talk will stay with me forever. The first time you ever said 'mummy' will never stop ringing in my ears.
I am so unbelievably proud of the beautiful young woman you have grown into. You never do anything half-hearted, and without fail pour all you have into everything you get faced with. You have your dads kind eyes, and witty humour, whilst you have my determination to be the very best you can be.
As always your Dad and I will continue to support everything you decide to do with your future. Whether you decide to become a surgeon, or own a bookstore, our pride and love will never fade.
Happy Birthday, my beautiful girl.
Yours always,
Mum
