Okay, because I love you guys (way too much if you ask me) I finally finished Shane's point of view of the one-shot I posted 'Child'. I'm sorry it's a little (okay, a lot) delayed but I hope that the writing makes up for it. Thank you for reading and (possibly) reviewing! You don't have to read Child to understand this – but it might help. (:
Shane Gray never wanted to have children. He'd wanted to become a successful musician with his band mates (or solo, whatever worked), play for huge crowds and have everything he wanted. Maybe, when he was thirty or so, he'd get married, but not earlier than that. Never earlier than that.
So when he met Caitlyn it threw him off balance. He'd planned to date her for a few days, maybe a week or two, before he got bored of her, like the countless other females before her. It was only after the end of the second week as her boyfriend that he finally decided something was wrong. Very, very wrong. He was Shane Gray – musician, popular and wanted by millions of girls around the globe. What was he doing stuck with one girl?
But every time he tried to break up with her the words got stuck in his throat and he couldn't bring himself to end it because he didn't think he'd be able to handle it if she cried. Or that's what he told himself. He didn't love her – Shane Gray didn't fall in love. Not now, not ever. Nate might in the future, Jason already had, but he would forever remain immune to the emotion. If he was going to fall in love at any point in his lifetime (and he wasn't – he was just pointing it out) it would be with a tall, beautiful-all-the-time-no-exceptions blond. Definitely not a short, beautiful-at-moments brunette who had a tendency to wear neon clothes like Caitlyn.
But still he couldn't bring himself to end it with her, no matter how many tall, beautiful blonds he could have. So he kept dating Caitlyn. They didn't go any further than kissing, and for once Shane was okay with that. Or as okay as a teenage boy filled with raging hormones could be.
They had their fair share of arguments – every relationship did, and Shane (as well as a lot of celebrity magazines) surprised himself day after day when he didn't break up with her. In fact, sometimes he missed her. Nate and Jason often asked him if he had made a bet with one of his friends or if this was a late April fool. Both of those resulted in a no, but Shane had learnt after a few minutes of intense questioning to block both of his best friends out.
As week three came around Shane realized that pretty much everyone was waiting with baited breath at the sidelines for his relationship to crash and burn. He pretended not to notice – and it was fun for a while (and by a while he meant two minutes), but after the fifteenth question from the paparazzi he decided that he couldn't live like this. Caitlyn didn't deserve it and the pressure of people watching him and waiting for him to fail was too much. He wasn't sure which reason was more significant, and he decided not to decide – something that before he didn't think was possible.
He didn't love Caitlyn. He was in lust with her. Nothing more – never anything more. It just wasn't him. She made him feel like he wasn't in control and that scared him.
So when she tried to take a step forward, he took two back. She invited him out for dinner and he said he had plans with the guys. He didn't, of course. His plans were to sit in front of the TV for a few hours, sleep and then wake up and avoid as many of her calls as he could without it seeming like he was avoiding her.
Then that day happened. He was going to break up with her. Nate knew, Jason knew and in a matter of time, if everything went to plan, so would his entire fan base, every magazine that wanted to gossip and, most importantly – her. So when he walked her back to the car after the semi-awkward, both-know-that-we're-breaking-up dinner, he tried one last time to make things right. He wasn't sure why he did it. Maybe it was to see if there was something there worth continuing for. Or maybe it was a way of saying goodbye without the words. Whichever it was, he did it anyway. He'd broken his purity promise when he was sixteen, up against a wall with a blond girl he couldn't remember the name of afterwards. At least with Caitlyn they were dating, and he liked her more than he liked his pet cat, which was more than he could say about Blondie-against-the-wall who moaned way too loud.
So as she squirmed underneath him and he debated on if he should stop or carry on, Shane pretended he loved her. He kissed her and asked her if she was okay and held her close. Then they broke up – pretended they hadn't had rough sex in the back of his car and left it at that. No hard feelings. At least, that was what he said to everyone (magazines and best friends included).
And then a few months later she turned up on his doorstep with a huge stomach, crying. And for once in his life Shane Gray did the right thing.
There's a line between love and lust.
It's a thin line to Shane, because some days he loves her and other's he isn't quite sure if he's capable of feeling that kind of emotion. But when he sees his daughter smiling up at him he knows that for once in his life he might just have done the right thing.
Yeah, yeah. I'm a sap for happy(ish) endings. Please review! For me? I'll … send you virtual hugs?
