Hey yo guys! Well, let's get simple stuff out of the way first. So I don't own any of this except for the idea, Matthias=Denmark Lukas=Norway Finland=Tino Emil=Iceland Berwald=Sweden, this story is pretty much one big Trigger Warning. Will feature rape/sexual assault, possible manic depression, possible self-mutilation or harm, smut. Hopefully I'll remember to put warnings at the beginning of each chapter. Will have tons of feels, of course. Will be kind of dark in some parts, so watch out. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to review and tell me what you think. Finally trying to get back into the fanfiction world. Or at least, writing it, anyway. Thanks for reading!


5:27 PM, Tuesday, April 22nd. Lukas, Matthias, Tino, and Emil were working around the kitchen. If anyone had been standing there beside them, he or she would have noticed the tension and the faces of the four Nordics. Not to mention, every few moments one of the boys would turn to the clock or to one another. Three hours ago is when Berwald should have walked in the door and hung his coat on the rack – just like every weekday. But, he was late: three hours and twenty-sev – twenty-EIGHT minutes late to be exact. His roommates, his friends weren't worried – they were terrified. Of course, most of them didn't show it. They didn't want anyone to see the fear or the paranoia in their eyes. They didn't want to admit to the tension or speak about the possibilities of what or why.

It remained like this for another eleven minutes, and that's when the door swung open. None of the four men had time to process what was going on as they watched the door just-as-quickly slam shut and a flash of blue dash up the stairs. That's when the men succumbed to the fear. What would make Berwald behave like that? He showed such control and tranquility over everything – what could make him run and hide? The men heard the shower turn on and were not only worried, but curious. Perhaps something had happened, like an accident? They knew they had to question Berwald, and so Matthias turned to Lukas and nodded, then both of them climbed up the stairs, following their friend.

Matthias and Lukas weren't sure what to think of the situation when faced with it. They approached the door and heard incessant crying and what sounded like scrubbing. Matthias, with shock present in his features, turned and faced his friend, silently asking him if he had any ideas. The shorter blonde shook his head and, with a sigh, the Danish man opened the door, unsure of what to be ready for.

Inside, they were able to see blood on the floor, on Berwald's clothes, and draining into the tub where Berwald was showering. They were both struck with horror as they watched their friend scrub away at his own body through the curtain. Matthias took a deep breath and knocked softly on the already open door, "Berwald?" They heard the man gasp, like they had severely frightened him, "W-what? Go away!" Matthias felt taken aback by the tone and fear in Berwald's voice, not to mention the crying. The two stood their ground but voices wavered, "Berwald, what's the matter? Are you hurt?" Lukas heard the choked sob right before he answered softly, "No."

Outside, Lukas was obviously showing some fear and worry, but inside his heart was breaking. His best friend was hurt, and he was lying about it. "Berwald, it's okay. We want to help you. If you want, you and I can talk 1-on-1. Okay?" Berwald contemplated what Lukas told him, but he knew he wouldn't be able to face what had happened earlier that afternoon, "I can't." They heard the crack in his voice and how afraid he was. They, in a way, didn't know what to think. They had no idea what had happened and if Berwald would ever tell them.

"Berwald, you can do anything. I don't want to hear you say 'I can't' because that isn't true. Please, let us help." While it was obscured by the curtain and falling water, they heard their friend begin to cry again. Matthias stared at the ground, angry at whatever or whoever had made Berwald feel like this. Lukas, however, was still afraid. What if, heaven forbid, Berwald had been the one to hurt someone, and not the other way around? What if was someone else's blood? What would make such a cool, collected man who was very firm in his beliefs towards anti-violence…cause someone such harm? And why would he not try to help?

"Matthias, give me and Berwald some time." Matthias, knowing he was not going to get anywhere with his frightened friend, nodded and left, shutting the door behind him. He was faced with the other two Nordics, worry etched in their features. He simply shrugged and wrapped an arm around each of their shoulders, "Come on, Guys. Let's go for a walk." The two, seeing that Matthias was near his breaking point, nodded and walked out with him, hoping and praying Berwald was alright. They knew better than to ask right now.

"Berwald, I don't know what happened today. I don't know why you're bloody and scared. I don't know why you're three-and-a-half hours late. But I do know that we are a family, and if you are in trouble, you can talk to us. I am your friend – you're my best friend. If anything has happened, I will help you, no matter what. I'll get you help and care, and I'll be there for you every step of the way, no matter how long it takes us. We can get through this together. I swear to you, you aren't alone. Now, can you talk to me?" Lukas sat down outside the shower and waited. He wanted Berwald to consider everything and hopefully tell him the truth. Lukas knows Berwald has trouble with trust, but he also knows Berwald does trust him. Perhaps, he thinks, if I wait this out, he'll talk. And so, he waits.

It takes twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of silence, anxiety, and fear, but Berwald finally speaks, "I don't know what to do." Lukas, secretly relieved that Berwald is willing to open up to him, speaks, "The first thing you do is talk." Berwald shuts off the water, and Lukas turns towards the curtain, "Are you okay?" With a deep sigh, Berwald hesitantly whispers, "It hurt." Although he was begin to become frightened again, Lukas swallowed and nodded to himself, "What hurt?" "I wanted to get clean." was all the response he received. Unsure of where that statement came from, Lukas brushed it off, "Why, were you dirty?" When Lukas heard Berwald slam his fist again the wall, he jumped, "SHUT UP!"

Why was Berwald so angry all of a sudden? Lukas stepped back, "Berwald, it's okay. I was just asking a question. Was it the blood? Is that why you wanted to get clean? You were bleeding?" The labored breathing from inside the bath slowed and evened out, "No. That's not why." Confused, Lukas shrugged, "Then why?" And the response he received, was certainly going to change things in this conversation, and in the future,

"They made me dirty."