It's strange, isn't it. Smiling at the oddest things, looking at the oddest of people before actually seeing it. So bright, so ... I've have no idea what it is that I'm seeing but I know it's important. I guess I should just be glad I know you're my friend in the end.

Though each day is a struggle because I see you, always walking and giving the smallest of smiles my way. You can laugh while I nervously chuckle having to look away because I know you'll catch me looking you up and down with a look you're not familiar with. To me you, even if you disagree with it soo rambunctiously, are perfect. Your body, your smile, you laugh, and how you make everything around you so vibrant.

I guess I should be happy to be so close to the light of my soul, something that stitched me back after I fell so pathetically. I thought, in my head all those months ago, that I'd never fall in love again. How wrong I was, how cruel I was being. I took all my anger out and pushed it into my work, into my actions, yet you still stood strong, and still heard me crying at night. You came carrying me up in your arms, holding me so close that I didn't realize that each touch you placed on my shoulder, my arm, was another touch of you stealing my heart away.

Who knew I had it still. I guess you did, huh... how cruel. How perfect? No, the world is Ironic.

How ironic that my savior would be with me before I actually nearly died and came to the end. How ironic that when i thought I lost my heart it was actually with you before it was with them. What an idiot I am, huh...

God, forgive me! I know you'll never bare these feelings towards me! I know you'd never even LOOK at me like that... like how I look at you, how I cling to every word you speak. How I desire to hold you in my arms, whispering with all my words so jumbled up... how I want to say, 'I love you.'

Isn't it good though? It's nice knowing you have me there even if you don't know why I'm clinging to your side. It's a sad nightmare, but a dream of heaven. What an oxymoron. What a death wish. What...

'I love you.' I can't get those words out of my mind as I look at you, hear you... i wish I could just pause for a moment, look you in the eyes... hold my hands out as I always do and beg, for the first time, that you'd give me my heart back before you break it also.

'I love you.' How many times do I say that to someone before it comes back at me and destroys my life? How .. how much longer before you find out my feelings and look at me with disgust, asking,

"Why do you love me? I can't ever see you like that?" My luck, i know it. You'd say that and pull away from me. I guess love isn't something someone like me can easily have... no not easily have, I'll never have it.

I'll turn my head when I want to look at you with lust, I'll turn around and leave the room when I want to jump your bones, and I'll love you in the background because i can't hold you in my arms.
'i love you' will only be etched in silence and the silence will be my words.