Just cut myself, it would be so easy to slit my wrists. To watch the cyan
blood flow from my body, to watch myself die. I grit my teeth, I want
to get rid of this pain desperately but my fear overcomes my
depression. To feel pain was what scared me also. I was not afraid
to have pain for a friend, to die for someone I loved but... I am not
afraid to act cowardly, because that is what killing myself would be.
I am in terror of the pain it would cause others, to cause weak and
just as scared friends to harm themselves because of my decisions. Is
this bravery then? That I stayed alive for a little longer for my
friends? For those I love more than I loved myself? I look at the box
cutter in my hands dully, my insides being torn apart from my
emotions.

The chat icon on my computer blinked to life and my friend had written a
message for me. I turned around and put my head in my hands, I was
tired of disappointment. I was tired of my mind telling me to be
serious when I really wanted to be happy. The frowns that would show
instead of my smile that I meant to have. The disappointment that my
friends had when my reaction was not what they thought it would be.
Their disappointment. Lightly holding onto my horns as blue tears
fell from my eyes. I felt ashamed for crying and for what I wanted to
do, I had not really been through as much as other people had. It
really had just been a couple, very small things. Very small things.


My body was tense, sore. I felt like I was coming down with something.
More than anything I wished for was for someone to wrap their arms
around me and hold me tight. Alone in my room I wished that I had
someone to hug.
Turning
back to the computer I clicked open the chat box and saw that it was
my jade blooded Friend who had written me.

Hey Just Trolling Ya To See If You Wanted To Get Together
-grimAuxiliatrix

I sat on my feet in my chair and settled my head between my knees. I
sighed and reached out a hand to type back.
Thank
you