Nice guys finish last

that's why I'll treat you like trash

it's not what I really wanna do

But you only date bad guys so

I'll give in my best try to

treat you the way you want me to

Marlene only dated the hottest of the hot, the coolest of the cool. From day one, Sirius knew that the only way to get her attention was to not want it. Unfortunately, that wasn't exactly something you could turn on and off. Take Prongs, for example. Poor guy was flattened. Whipped.

Now, the Marauders probably could have been nice, adorable, friendly, amazing guys that everybody likes. But with Prongs following that red-hot temper accompanying that that hot red, and himself following the girl who only dated hot, bad-boy, popular guys, that possibility was absolutely knackered.

So he changed. To be what she wanted to date. To be who she wanted to date.

I never open the door

or pull out a chair

you can tell me how your day was but I don't really care

and if you ever get cold you just have to hack it

'cause I'd be cold too if I gave you my jacket

like whoa! you ain't sitting up front

front is for the homies, you can sit in the trunk

I'll never answer my phone whenever you call it

and when the waiter brings the bill I never reach for my wallet

So Sirius Black gained reputation. The Marauders gained fame. Sirius never dated a girl for more than a week, before dumping her. He had snogged all the girls at Hogwarts, with the exception of Marlene herself, and of course, Lily. Lily was off-limits.

Nice guys finish last

that's why I'll treat you like trash

it's not what I really wanna do

But you only date bad guys so

I'll give in my best try to

treat you the way you want me to

So eventually, he came to the end of the line. Marlene.

"McKinnons!"

"What, Black?"

"You. Me. Astronomy Tower. 8:00." He half expected her to say no.

"Alright, then. See you there, Black."

And Imma beat you

in every competition

going out with the girls

you better get my permission

wait no, I take that back, you can't go

House is on tonight and that's my favorite show

Do I look fat in this dress?

Hell yeah, you do

wait, let me speak your language

cows go moo, moo, moo, MOOOO!

Theirs was a push and pull relationship. Arguments were inevitable, Sirius and Marlene being who they were. But being Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon, it was usually about...interesting topics.

"Excuse me, Black? I'm a great snog! Better than you!"

"Oh, yeah? All of the girls from Hogwarts have snogged me!"

"Not Lily!"

"Well...well...Lily's off-limits!"

"So? I've snogged James! And all of the rest of Hogwarts boys!"

"...Fine, McKinnon. You win that round."

"Celebratory snog?"

"You know it, McKinnon."

Nice guys finish last

that's why I'll treat you like trash

it's not what I really wanna do

But you only date bad guys so

I'll give in my best try to

treat you the way you want me to

They both had reputations to hold up. So they snogged continuously, even more than they talked. In the empty Transfiguration classroom, in the not so empty Astronomy Tower, in the numerous broom closets conveniently located all around Hogwarts, in the Gryffindor boy's dormitories, in the common room...everywhere. Even the breakfast table, causing Remus to gag, and James to yell, "Get some!"

They snogged as much as Lily and James had when they got together. They snogged to forever and back. But no relationship gets far on snogging.

So at four am, all of the Gryffindor Tower heard the break up.

"Black!"

"What, McKinnon?"

"I'm sick of you! You never do anything nice for me! Nothing romantic, nothing nice, nothing! Just nothing at all!"

"You never said you wanted me to!"

"I shouldn't have to! That's it, Black! I'm done! We're OVER!"

And with that, Marlene stormed off to find Lily. And also James, because they were always together. So Sirius retreated to Remus.

Behind the scenes she means the world to me

I wanna tell her that she's beautiful

and show her that she's loved

Hold her hand when she's scared

tell her how much I care

but that won't win her heart because

"What do I do, Moony?"

"Well, she obviously didn't like it that you never remembered anniversaries or birthdays or anything. So you just...have to be better. Be nice to her. Plan little surprises to brighten up her day."

"Just paint your nails, Moony, and you'll be the only girl Marauder. AH!" Sirius let out a girlish scream and slammed the door right before Remus's pillow hit him.

"Now, who's a girl, Padfoot?"

Ignoring him, Sirius went off to plan a nice date for his ex-girlfriend.

Nice guys finish last

that's why I'll treat you like trash

it's not what I really wanna do

But you only date bad guys so

I'll give in my best try to

treat you the way you want me to

"You planned all of this for me?"

"Yeah. I realized that we didn't do super romantic things, and just snogged. Not that I don't want to snog anymore. I love snogging."

"Yeah, yeah, Black."

"So are we good?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"..."

"Wanna snog?"

"For goodness sake, Black!"

"Is that a no?"

"Nope!"

"..."

"You realize I'm still mad at you.