My first Valentines Day fic offering. The prompt for this was the Velvet Underground song: I'm sticking with you. It's a really sweet song but this fic turned out rather silly and embarrassing really. Still, it's written now so I'm posting it. All chapters are done so I'll be uploading them as I proof them.
Happy Valentines Day Booshies.
"This is Well weird!"
"You're not wrong there, little man. I'm sorry about all this. I really am."
"Don't worry, Howard. Really. I'm pretty sure I know how this one ends."
...
It had started out innocently enough. Valentines Day had rolled around - again - and neither man had managed to get a date. Vince had received plenty of anonymous cards but had recently discovered that the problem with being considered a God of Cool was that no one was actually brave enough to ask him out. He didn't mind though, hanging out with Howard had it's own special charm.
Howard didn't have a date because Howard never could get a date, and had given up trying after the incident at his party, secretly sure that anyone he took an interest in would eventually turn out to be Old Gregg in disguise. And so it had been that Valentines Day night had arrived and they had decided to stay in and watch a film.
That had been the plan, and if anyone else had formulated such a plan it probably would have, well, gone according to plan, but as it was Vince and Howard, they ended up getting sucked inside the television.
After the first few minutes in their new rain-soaked location, during which Vince swore his tits off and cursed Naboo's inability to keep magical items in his own room and Howard freaked out silently on his knees in the mud with his face frozen in it's aggrieved sailor expression, they both decided to calm down and try to find out where they were.
Vince's approach was, as ever, more straight forward than Howard's.
"Where are we, Howard?"
"I don't know, do I!"
Vince rolled his eyes and pulled his best friend out of his puddle of mud and self-pity.
"Settle down, you batty crease. I was just asking."
"Well how am I supposed to know?"
"Cos you picked the film."
"I - what?"
This time Vince didn't just roll his eyes, he cocked his hip, flicked his hair and looked up at Howard through his lashes. It was a signature move and one that never failed to get a reaction. Howard generally reacted by returning to his persona as the smart one of the duo, which suited Vince just fine. He didn't mind being the brains of the operation as long as no one realised.
"It's obvious, isn't it? I tried to turn the sound up on the telly and picked up Naboo's enchanted remote by mistake. It transported us into the film, which is why I am currently dressed like some Adam Ant dandy highwayman wannabe, and why you look like a sexy Heathcliff. Now we just have to figure out how to get out of here which probably means we have to work out where Here actually is. That's right, isn't it, Howard?"
"Uh... yes?"
Vince sighed and trudged off through the rain to a nearby tree. Trust Howard to pick a film that got them landed in a sodden field in the middle of Bowie-knew-where. Not to mention the outfit. It was a mix of old romantic/pirate/steampunk-without-the-punk and was, most horribly, made up of shades of brown. The boots had almost no heel on them and there was way too much room in his trousers. It was all Howard's fault. Especially the sexy Heathcliff comment. He hadn't meant to say that, not out loud in any case. It was Howard's fault. How dare he look good in an outfit when Vince looked so awkward. How dare he look so good full stop!
Vince reached the tree and shook his now soaked hair until it no longer covered his eyes. He was trying to seem dim and carefree as usual but it wasn't working properly. It hadn't been working properly since the night of the party, since the night he'd realised he really did fancy his best friend a bit.
Howard couldn't know about this. He was so straight he made rulers look bent and biros look, um... Vince tried to think of a synonym but couldn't. Howard definitely had a better vocabulary, even if he was a bit slow most of the time.
Vince scowled and leant against the rough bark of the tree. This was typical for their lives. They tried to do something normal and ended up on a crazy adventure. He needed a clue for how to get back home, just a hint of what he was supposed to do.
He was thinking as hard as he could without being able to sort out his hair and so didn't hear Howard approach until the larger man slumped against the tree to his right.
"Ah! Howard, don't sneak up on me like that! How can such a big northern bear like you move so quietly anyway?"
"It's my Heathcliff boots."
"Shut up."
Howard just chuckled and Vince smiled despite himself.
"Plunkett and Macleane."
"What?"
"That's the name of the film. It's a historical comedy about highway men."
"Right. At least it's not in black and white."
Howard chuckled again and Vince chanced a glance in his direction. Howard didn't smile or laugh a lot these days. He was too busy being depressed and awkward to be cheerful, but at least he wasn't as angry and violent as he'd been when they were younger. Vince didn't miss Howard throwing cups and snapping brooms, but he did miss Howard's smile. He missed dancing around in ponchos and millet distribution. If he was honest, he missed the days when they were both unpopular and only had each other. Maybe if they got out of here - no, when they got out of here - they could have a go at rebuilding that old friendship. Maybe that was why they were here in the first place? Nah. Nothing was that well planned in their world.
"Not very romantic though, is it."
Howard gave him a bemused look.
"Why should it be romantic?"
"Well, it's Valentines Day, ain't it? I thought all the films on telly would be romantic."
"I purposely chose the only thing I could find that wasn't overly romantic or snooker."
"Oh..." Vince chewed his lip. It seemed a shame that just because they were only good mates that he and Howard weren't allowed to watch romantic movies together. Vince liked romance, mainly because he never encountered it in real life.
"So, what's the plan then, Howard?"
"I really have no idea, Vince. All I know is that I'm sticking with you."
"Come again?"
Vince blinked, his romance-fogged brain struggling to find a way to interpret that statement in a way that Howard might possibly mean while his romance-addled heart skipped a beat.
"I'm sticking with you."
"Why's that? You channeling Lou Reed now?"
"If I am it's only because you're channeling Maureen Tucker."
"Genius. But seriously, why the Velvet reference?"
It was Howard's turn to roll his eyes and Vince felt quietly pleased that Howard was starting to pull himself back together. He liked a decisive, confident Howard.
"There was no Velvet Underground reference, you idiot, all I said was: I'm sticking with you."
"I'm sticking with you, 'cos I'm made out of-"
"Stop it! This isn't the time to break out into song. I was trying to tell you that we need to stick together because whenever we get separated during these stupid adventures I end up being kidnapped by amorous monsters."
Vince nodded.
"That is true. I'm still going to have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the day though, thanks to you."
"At least it's a band we can both tolerate."
"True."
"Shall we focus on how to get home now?"
"I was hoping you'd say that."
Vince grinned. This wasn't a bad way to spend Valentines Day. Not really.
"I'm sticking with-"
"Shut it."
