Hello! I just got on and realized that it has been 90 days since I published 'I'm Broken Anyway', so I decided to start publishing this! This is the first part of a series of 1-3 shots that revolves round how the crew dealt with their sadness after Ezra left and Kanan turned dark. The first two chapters are about Kanan and Ezra dealing with the after math though. This is NOT the sequel though, I haven't written that yet, but I have a plan! (Muah, ha, ha!) I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season, and a happy new year!
Broken Bonds I
Ezra
It's been about a month and a half since I woke up from my coma and was given the okay to return to the rebellion. I had been really excited for things to get back to normal, but they just haven't. At first it was great, everybody was getting settled back in, and was being SUPER nice to me. Then after a couple of weeks things began to change, especially between me and Kanan. I knew that my relationship with Kanan would never be the same again after what happened sure, but I didn't think that he would stop talking to me completely! He seemed fine at first, but then he began to distance himself. First it was just a lot less training. Then I wasn't paired with him on missions or supply runs. Now he doesn't talk to me unless it is mission critical, or Hera makes a point of forcing him to. Even then, it's just brief words that seem forced, no emotion and no eye contact. I don't know why, but it hurts! I feel alone and like he's abandoning me all over again. The others have noticed and are trying to help, Sabine has started to show me how to do the firebird design, and Zeb shoves me less often. Hera let me watch the ship controls for a little bit and Chopper went out of his way to be nice. I appreciated their efforts and plastered one of my painstakingly perfected fake smiles onto my face every day so as not to let them down, but inside I was hurting. I began to try to approach Kanan on my own, but was not successful. I asked him if we could do some Jedi training, but he mumbled something about being busy and left. Later I asked him if he wanted to come with me on the supply run Hera had asked me to do. He just pretended that he needed to clean Chopper. I know that was a lie because I had just cleaned Chopper yesterday to get out of cleaning the Phantom. Many times I tried to get him to sparr, meditate, or practice lightsaber technique, but was immediately let down. Now I sit alone in my cabin with tears falling down my cheeks like raindrops.
"Maybe I'm not worth it," I said to nobody. "Maybe he's mad at me for not saving him sooner, for leaving him on Mustafar when he turned." The realization hit me like Sith lightning. He must hate me! I heard a choked sob escape my throat and buried my head in my knees. "It's all my fault!" I whimpered, my voice muffled by my knees. I kept myself curled in a ball as thoughts raced through my mind. I'm not worth it. I'm useless. It's all my fault, if I had just helped him sooner everything would have been alright! As these thoughts swarmed around my head I made up my mind. I'm leaving. Right now.
I know it will be tricky. I won't have to worry about Kanan as he obviously couldn't care less what I do, but the others will be tricky. I make an escape plan as I shove my possessions into my bag. I make sure that my lightsaber is secured on my belt before anything else, I will probably need that. I run through what the rest of the crew is most likely doing right now. Hera would be in the cockpit with Chopper, so I won't have to worry too much, just tread quietly. Sabine will be in her cabin so that could be a slight problem, but hopefully she will be too busy with her art to notice anything suspicious. If worse comes to worse, I'll just tell her I'm going on a quick supply run. Zeb is making quick repairs on the Phantom, so that should be fine, but I have one more problem. The Mad Hattress. She's been staying with us until her new post at the resistance is secured. I have no way of knowing where she'll be and when, she's a loose cannon. I can only hope that she isn't on board or is preoccupied with Sabine.I'll take a deep breath and step outside of my cabin for the last time.
"Bye," I whisper as I slowly make my way down the hall.
Kanan
I'm sitting in my cabin once again thinking about what happened. What Maul did to Ezra, what I did to Ezra, and what Ezra did for me. After everything I put that kid though, he still came back for me. He refused to give up on me, no matter how many times I attempted to take his life. That's why I won't talk to him, I'm ashamed. I'm his master, I'm supposed to be shielding him from the darkness, not the other way around! I growl in frustration and bang my head against my hands. I know that I'm hurting the kid, but it's for the best. He's been trying to reconnect with me, asking if I want to help him spar or train. I always come up with some excuse as to why I can't do it, but I know he isn't buying it - especially the one about cleaning Chopper. After I told him and went to do it, but the little droid told me that Ezra had cleaned him the day before.
I can tell that the crew knows I'm distancing myself from my Padawan as well. They all seem to be trying to get us to talk by either purposely pulling us into the same conversation or asking about Jedi training. When they do, Ezra looks at me imploringly, waiting for an explanation. I usually then look at the ground and mumble something inaudible before leaving. Sometimes the Hattress comes in to talk to me about Ezra, saying that he misses training,and deserves an explanation. I just shoo her away. Well, more accurately I make up some excuse about why I can't talk.. I'm still too scared of her to get on her nerves.
"Kanan?" I hear Hera call.
"In here," I respond. She slid the door open and walked in.
"How are you doing?" she asked with concern. I shrug.
"I'm fine," I say casually, not wanting to have to tell her about my emotional pain. She nodded slowly.
"Well, you know who's not fine?" she asks. I had a feeling I knew where this was going. "Ezra," she said, answering her own question. "Kanan you need to talk to him! I know you feel terrible for what happened, but pushing him away isn't going to make any of that change!" she exclaimed.
"Alright! Fine! I guess I can talk to him later," I offered, knowing I could dodge this empty promise. Hera, though, thought I was telling the truth. She smiled and began to leave. "Good!"
I just sat with my head in my hands until I felt it. The pain, the anger, the sadness, the fear, all rushing in at once. Then there was a dreadful snap. My Master-Padawan bond with Ezra had been broken. I felt my tears and fell sideways onto the bunk; the pain was excruciating. It was as if a thousand shards of broken glass were raining down on me, one after the other, over and over. I bit my fist to stop from screaming until I tasted blood. Soon it became more bearable and something came to me, What had caused Ezra to to this? To turn away from the bond? I ran out of my cabin and down the hall to Ezra's cabin only to find it empty. I looked around noticing that all of Ezra's personal possessions including his lightsaber were gone. I ran back down the hall to find the ramp open.
"No, Nonononononononononono!" I yelled as I realized what had happened. Ezra was gone. Suddenly I saw the Mad Hattress running towards me out of breath. "Kanan!" she yelled. "I tried to stop him but he used his stun gun thingy on me. I couldn't follow him!"
"Alright. Hattress get the others together and start searching the capitol and the surrounding areas. I'll check the grasslands. He can't have gotten that far on foot," I ordered. The Hattress nodded and ran into the Ghost.
I ran through the grasslands trying to find Erza. This is all my fault! I shouldn't have pushed him away and now this! "Ezra, Eeeezzzrrraaaa!" I yell across the fields. Then I see it, a huge rock formation shaped like the Jedi temple. I could faintly sense him there. Since our bond had snapped, I could only barely sense him, but I could tell he was there. I couldn't believe that he had gotten this far on foot; he must be exhausted! I race up the rocks just as Eza collapsed.
Yay, cliffy! Have a good one!
