1AN: I plan to start my story without having an explanation of why I'm writing it. Hopefully, I can let this first chapter speak for itself. If you'd like a further introduction, I will probably provide one in the next chapter. But, for now, I hope you like what you read!!
One thing you should know is that I try to update regularly (at least three times a week!) When I do commit to writing a story. However, I am a VERY busy lady, with not very much free time on my hands. I hope to write as often as you hope to read!!
Let my story begin, without an introduction, because hopefully it won't need it.
Chapter 1: Confidence
The view from my window has always been the same.
Every morning since I can remember, I've woken up to the same window. I must say that, unchanging as it may be, the view is always breathtaking. I wake up to fields of grass the brightest hue of green, with hills that seem to roll directly into a forest. The trees that line the forest's edge seem to stretch to the sky, reaching for an eternity that I can only imagine, and imagine it I do. No matter what the season, these trees and fields always seem so full of life. Birds are forever flocking from the trees, off to live their lives of freedom. They look so peaceful and contented as they fly, and I can only imagine being as at peace.
Every morning since I can remember, I've woken up to an unimaginable beauty. I've woken up to freedom and the promise that, somewhere, eternity awaits. I've seen peace and contentment. And every morning since I can remember, I've wondered why I don't have that contentment, that peace, or that promise.
My family has more money than God. You would think that, given our riches, I would find contentment. That, just maybe, I could buy it. With all of our fortune, I should be able to buy the things that could force me to relax, and thus, to find peace. But I can't. Or won't.
The eternity that awaits me isn't that same as the eternity that awaits the trees. I will never have the peace that the birds are born with. And I am doomed to a life without feeling content.
Can you call this a life? I am not so full of life as the trees are. I am not so contented or peaceful as the birds. I am contemplative, over-thinking each little thing, always trying to improve what should be prefect.
Despite all the money I have control of, I'm trying to improve my seemingly perfect life.
"Draco, darling, if you don't get your lazy ass out of bed soon, I will march in there and drag you to King's Cross in your darling little pajamas."
Terrific. My darling mother calls. She calls me to the first day of seventh year, or what she calls the first day of the rest of my life.
I roll over and go back to sleep. What's the use of getting up if I will never have the peaceful and contented life that I so desire? However, I soon feel something dainty grabbing at my foot, pulling with all of it's pathetic might. My mother is trying to keep good on her promise to drag me out of bed, but she isn't strong enough. A woman that frail could never drag a muscular guy like me. For Merlin's sake, I weigh more than two of her!
"Mother, you embarrass yourself."
"Than save me the embarrassment and get out of bed. There's breakfast waiting downstairs, not that you've much time to eat it, mind you."
"Please, mother, I've all the time in the world. The train will never leave without a Prefect, and a Malfoy, no less. Not even the stupidest driver would try to piss off our family like that."
"Such vulgarities. Draco, I've no clue where you learned these. No doubt from your father."
"Right," I scoffed, "Certainly not from the woman who told me to get my lazy ass out of bed."
She smirked at my comment, and of course I decided to match her smirk for smirk.
"Not that I don't enjoy the mother-son banter, darling, but if you don't get to the station soon, you'll miss the first day of the rest of your life. Your seventh year is -"
"- the most important year, mother, I know!" I impatiently interrupted. "You've only told me this -"
" - everyday for the past summer." She mockingly mimicked. "How often we have had this conversation. And yet, for all the times we've spoken of today's importance, you still don't seem all that eager to start it." She gave me puppy dog eyes, playing on one of my weaknesses. I absolutely loathe to disappoint my mother.
"Yes, yes, I'm getting up! Merlin, woman -"
"Don't you dare call me woman!" She cut me off crisply. "I'll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes, no later."
"Can't wait." I sarcastically replied.
I got out of bed as soon as she left the room. I rummaged for some robes and found the trunk that the house elves had packed for me weeks earlier.
I was as close to being ready to start my life as an discontented, unpeaceful, fruitlessly reaching for eternity teenaged male can be. I used to be able to get past these thoughts that always plagued me when first I awoke. It seemed that I had changed over the summer. I was no longer able to bounce back from the negative thought that, just maybe, my perfect life isn't all its cracked up to be. Maybe, just maybe, this Malfoy was less than perfect. I wondered if I would appear as confident to the students on the train as I had for the last 6 years. Would my insecurities and wants make me transparent? Would I become weak and transparent simply because I wanted things like peace? I hoped that they wouldn't be able to sense the change in me. I prayed to Merlin that they wouldn't know that I was no longer conceited, and that they wouldn't know that I questioned my lifestyle. I wondered, I hoped, I prayed. Merlin, did I pray. I prayed that prayers were enough to make me feel as confident as I used to. I hoped that hopes were enough for me to hide the changes.
The confidence I always used to have seemed to have failed me. I sighed, and walked downstairs.
How I wished to be as free as the birds in the trees.
