First (and last) obligatory Author's Note:

(1) The entity referenced hereafter as (The Author), does not claim ownership of any forthcoming world, character or event belonging or affiliated to the Harry Potter Franchise. The same is to be assumed in any of the potentially following chapters. All hail JKR.

(2) This story is currently a work in progress that (The Author) will attempt to update as frequently as possible (daily?) with short chapters (or partitions of) comprised of no less than 500 words. To be potentially followed upon completion by a revisited, revised and reworked final version.

(2.5) In this spirit, the submission of any commentary, critic, idea or opinion is highly endorsed and welcomed by (The Author). Any grammatical, orthographic or syntactical error is to be reported to the Editing office of the Writing Maintenance Department at once. To these ends, a Contact Apparatus, referenced hereafter as (Review Box) has been placed at the disposition of any reader.

(3) (The Reader) is welcome to please enjoy (The Fiction).

- Caterpi -


Thursday of June the 20th, 1991, Diagon Alley:

The face of Cuthbert Cram, better known as Bertie, sported a small, satisfied smile. Today would mark the end of his probationary period as a Junior Investigator at the Improper Use of Magic Office. In truth, working for the Ministry of Magic had never been his childhood dream, but Vaults are not filled by whimsical adventures or pretend dragon-slaying.

After dropping by a stationery store at the beginning of his midday break, he was making his way to the Leaky Cauldron, where he would be joining his colleague -and didn't that sound all adult and responsible- for lunch. He had decided to take the short walk to the pub in order to enjoy the wonderful summer weather. The director of the Magical Maintenance Department had not been in a good mood for what seemed like ages, and it showed in the constant drizzle displayed by the windows at the Ministry.

Upon arriving, he quickly spotted the salt-and-pepper hair and portly build of his mentor and joined his table, ordering a slice of fisherman's pie. After some time was spent on the appreciation of Tom's cooking, Bertie mentioned something that had been troubling him:

-"Say Alwyn, would you mind answering another question?"

-"Aye, lad, I s'pose it's my duty as your supervising officer," he answered gruffly.

-"See, I've been trying to memorize the entire list of departments and offices..."

-"Blimey! why would you even attempt such a thing!"

-"Well..." Bertie said, not amused "I was mostly bored during my time in the Stacks and I guessed I should at least try do something constructive."

-"Ah, to be young and starry-eyed again."

-"Yes, well... could you explain to me why the Department of Intoxicating Substances and the Department of Magical Equipment Control are dependant of the Department of Security... wouldn't it make more sense if they were a part of Magical Trading Standards or something?"

-"Listen, there are two answers to your question."

-"Uhuh?" Bertie said, reseating himself comfortably on the cosy chair.

-"The first one," he said, taking a sip of the strong ale he had chosen to lubricate his lunch, "is full of historical and political excuses that would be sure to bring a headache to any sane wizard."

Bertie sighed.

-"The second one, is a lesson best learned early by any newcomers to the Ministry: Never try to explain why anything works like it does. This way lies only madness." Alwyn warned in an ominous voice.

-"Sooo... I guess I'll just try to do my work properly and not ask too many questions."

-"There is a good lad!" the experienced investigator praised, raising his pint in appreciation.

Dragon riding... Veela enclaves... ancient treasures... Bertie thought morosely, at least, with a bit of luck, I might get my first real assignment soon.

Back at the office, the climate was not conducive to any form of excitement. As soon as he stepped through the doors of the department, he was called to the office of Mrs Hopkrik, the secretary for the Detection and Investigation branch of operations. The short and fussy older woman was renowned for her appreciation of sound and proper paper work. She did not disappoint.

-"Ah, mister Cram, good news..."

I doubt it, Bertie thought

-"... I have an interesting assignment for you that should serve to reinforce the formation you have been given."

-"That's nice," Bertie said, somewhat reluctantly.

-"The Office of Misinformation has requested a listing of all the major magical incidents that occurred in the last ten years with their causes and context. It should be quite easy to collate all the sources from the Stacks, but they will be expecting your report by next week for an important meeting of the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee. I'm afraid you might have to give up your Sunday."

-"Oh."

-"Would that be a problem?" she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly behind her glasses.

-"Not at all m'am, needs must," Bertie said as rain poured slowly outside the window and over his heart.

Joy, he thought.