A/N: This is my first attempt at fan fic, so be gentle with me please :). I'm so excited to have written this, as the words just poured out of me after I saw the amazing photo of Rob (*cue drooling*).
A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to the gorgeous and amazingly talented Georgeygirl for Beta'ing (if you're not reading her fics "The Weight of Words" and "The Tongue Set Free" well...you're missing out on some ridiculously good writing. Shame on you!) Thanks also to Jendoesgym for pre-reading and offering insight.
Disclaimer: Despite the fact that I've rifled through all my filing cabinets, I can't find the ownership papers for these characters, so they belong to SM, but everything they do here is mine to enjoy :) No harm is intended etc etc.
and on with the show...
Finding peace.
It's amazing how hard it can be in a city like this, to find some peace. Some space. You want quiet? Forget about it. It's damn-near impossible. But here, on the rooftop of my building, our building, it's here. The peace, the calm, the tranquility that is in severe shortage everywhere else in this place.
You can still hear the cars, the hums of generators. Occasionally the cackle of someone laughing on the sidewalk will float up to this level, but it's dull, muted. Like you're hearing it through plate glass.
The first time I saw her, it was like I'd found all the peace, calm and quiet this world seemed to be so sorely lacking. In that one brief moment, all I could feel was my pulse hammering and the breath in my lungs whooshing out of my mouth.
I mean that literally. She took my breath away. In one fleeting glance, as she walked past me in a crowded food hall, completely oblivious to the fact that my entire world had shifted on its axis. She looked quiet-I mean, actually looked it. Her dark brown hair spilled out of its ponytail-or whatever you call them-seemingly not accepting her attempt to tame it. The curls that made her hair wild and beautiful, sat messily around her face too. She pushed one that had fallen into her eyes out of the way. Impatiently sweeping her hand from her forehead back to the hair tie at the back of her head. The effort was in vain though, as it wouldn't stay down for long.
Her dark brown eyes gleamed with some untold truth she held deep inside her. It felt like my truth, whatever that was. She knew it and I knew she knew it, I just didn't know what it was.
I got the feeling everything would be like that with her. Never easy in the sense of meaningless, but easy like breathing-Natural, instinctual and so so necessary.
I shook my head minutely, wondering what this girl had that made me turn into Oprah suddenly. My bubble of peace and calm was burst by the clammy hand of my best friend's girlfriend on my arm. Tanya had always been a part of the group of friends I hung with at school, but I'd never been interested in her. Sure, she was good looking enough, but something just didn't quite sit right with me. The fact that she was dating my best friend since kindergarten, Jasper, but was making eyes at me? Yeah, that didn't really help my opinion of her.
"Hey, E...CULLEN!" Jasper's voice broke through the last of the haze as I begrudgingly tore my eyes from the face of the beautiful girl who had now just reached another small girl sitting at a table a few away from mine.
"What man? What the hell are you yelling about?" I griped at him.
His eyebrows rose slightly and his eyes shifted over my right shoulder as he noticed what, or more specifically, who had been holding my attention.
He opened his mouth and drew in a breath to make what would no doubt be a smart-ass remark, but suddenly all the air left his lungs. Whatever he'd seen over my shoulder had captured his interest, so I shifted in my seat to look behind me. My girl had now sat down with the other smaller girl. This one was what some would call pixie-like. She had short spiky hair like someone had hacked it off with gardening shears, but done it well. They were both laughing and talking animatedly. I was surprised to see my girl being so boisterous. She'd seemed so reserved and quiet as she walked by, book in hand.
They were practically howling at whatever joke they'd shared. While the pixie one was wiping her laughter-induced tears away, my girl was busy slapping her hand down on the table and gripping her stomach with the other hand. I couldn't help but grin as I watched her. She was obviously completely unaware of how loud she and her friend were being.
"Umm, hello? Boys? What in the hell...?" Tanya's nasal whine pierced my consciousness and I felt the happy grin I was sporting from watching my girl slowly fall away from my face.
We both turned back to look at Tanya who was now watching us suspiciously, her eyes darting between the two of us and then finally landing on the table where the girls sat, still laughing.
"Seriously ladies, like, leave the howling to the wolves...and preferably, to the outdoors." Tanya sneered before turning back to look expectantly at Jasper. "And what in the hell do you think you were doing staring at those girls like that? Jazzy, what am I? Not, like, even here?" she demanded as she jabbed an overly polished nail at him.
Jasper looked at me for an instant, and then over my shoulder before his lips turned up into a small smile. He seemed to sit up a little higher and even straighten his shoulders a little before turning towards Tanya and calmly saying, "You know what Tanya? I fuckin' hate the name 'Jazzy' and you know it, but you still call me that. I know about Mike Newton, I know about Tyler Crowley and I know about how you're always putting your paws all over E, not to mention the number of times I've caught you ogling him. We're done. I'm a good guy and I deserve better than someone like you who won't even have the decency to cheat on me with people I don't know." Tanya's jaw fell open but Jasper continued. "Instead you've made your way through God knows how many players on the football team. So yeah, I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. The only thing I'm sorry about is how long I let this go on. Now go home, please. I don't want to look at you." He finished as he turned his gaze back to the girls over my shoulder.
"What the FUCK?" she screeched at him, standing abruptly, her chair shrieking as it scraped across the floor.
"Who the hell do you..." she was cut off by Jasper's voice, calm, deep and eerily quiet.
"Laurent"
"What?" she asked, the nasty scowl on her face giving way to a moment of panic.
"Laurent," he repeated "You know, your French History professor? The one you've been...how can I put it delicately" he mused as he stroked his chin in mock-thought. "Oh I know- fucking. Yes, I know about him too and if you make this' he waved a finger between himself and her 'difficult, I'll tell the dean. I'm sure Mr James would sure love to know that."
Tanya plopped down on the seat with a sharp exhale, her mouth open as she stared at Jasper.
He hadn't actually looked back at her since he'd asked her to leave. His gaze flick`ered to me as I choked out, "She's been messing around with that old dude?"
He nodded briefly and spoke "Yep, classy huh?"
I could barely believe it. He knew about all of this and he'd put up with it?
Tanya started to speak, possibly to apologise or excuse her behaviour, but this time I stepped in.
"You know what Tanya? Save it. J has said he's done, so it's done. Do you really want to sit here and beg a man who doesn't want you any more, to take you back, to give you another chance? Let's face facts, you're never going to change, so just take what little dignity you can muster in that ridiculous scrap of cloth you call an outfit and march your skanky ho ass outta here. I'm sick of seeing what you do to my best friend. He's right; he is a good guy, one of the best. He doesn't deserve a nasty bitch like you, so save your breath, don't bother explaining, or frankly, saying another word. Just leave."
After a minute of staring at us silently, albeit with her mouth hanging open still, she got up and quietly left the table.
"Are you ok, man?" I asked quietly. Jasper seemed lost in his own world as he stared off into space. "I'm sorry-"
"Don't you apologise, E. You've done nothing wrong" he said with conviction. "Let's just forget Tanya ok? It's done now. Finally. I've been wanting to break up with her for years, I just never got to it, you know? Something planned always seemed to come up. Prom, then graduation, then our trip to Mexico with you and Emmett. Then the move here. It was just one thing after another. It didn't feel right to break up with her just before prom, so I left it. Then after the trip she went back to college so I supported her and...well, you know..." he trailed off.
"Yeah I know, J." We both knew what it was like to have our futures planned out for us.
"Jesus Christ she's beautiful," he whispered.
"What? Who's beautiful?" I asked confusedly, "You mean Tanya? Yeah she was good looking, but dude you're better off without her, just forget her, there are plenty of fish-"
"No man, not Tanya, her." he motioned with his chin towards someone behind me.
My gut lurched as I realised we'd both been looking at the same girl. Shit, what was I going to do? I couldn't exactly put my claim on her; he'd just broken up with his girlfriend of six years. I had to let him have her.
What was I talking about? 'My girl'? "Let" him have her? She wasn't even mine to give away. I didn't even know her name. But I wanted to. I wanted to know everything about her. The look on her face when she laughed was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. I could only imagine what her face looked like while she slept, got angry, or God save me, fell apart into bliss as she lay under me. The very thought made the zipper on my jeans suddenly seem very uncomfortable as I throbbed at the vision in my mind.
I wanted more than just sex, though. Hell, I was still a man despite my recent transformation into the Queen of talk shows. Sex was still very important to me, but I wanted more than that. To find patterns in the contours of her skin, make constellations out of her freckles. I wanted to know the different pitches in her voice, when her emotions changed and the corresponding colour of her eyes. No, I was wrong. I didn't want to know. I needed to.
But what about Jasper? I didn't know what to do. I wanted to be a good friend, but this girl had already gotten under my skin, with barely a glance in my direction. What would I do if she ever made actual eye-contact with me? It was ridiculous. This girl had me completely flustered and...what did my mother call it? Twitterpated. Ha. Indeed.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts for the second time in 20 minutes. I saw Jasper was still staring, so I turned around, hoping that there would be another girl that had taken his interest.
"Who?" I asked, trying to swallow down my panic. I didn't know what I'd do if he said it was her.
"The girl with the dark hair sitting two tables down." He whispered almost reverently.
Oh, Jesus he did mean her. What the fuck was I going to do?
"Oh yeah, she's got nice hair, it's long huh? Must've taken her ages to grow it that long..." I rambled in an attempt to cover my disappointment and the bile that was rising from my gut. Christ! I was going to lose her before I even got her.
"What?" Jasper asked, glancing at me as I turned back around to face him. "What do you mean long?" he said as he glanced back towards the girls, his face suddenly changing as understanding hit him.
"Oh, you're looking at the wrong girl, I mean the other one. The little one with the hair." He motioned his hand around his head to signify 'spiky'.
I nearly wept with relief. Of course, Jasper being 'Mr I-see-everything,' noticed and began laughing.
"What, man? Did you think I liked the look of your girl?" he spat out through guffaws.
My eyes shot up to his and widened.
"Yeah, I noticed the little "moment" you had back there when she walked past." He did air quotes as he said the word 'moment'. "So are you going to go talk to her? Or am I the only man at this table?"
"Oh shut the fuck up and let's go, you asshole." I grumbled as I leaned over to punch him in the arm.
We both stood up and nodded encouragement at each other before leaving our table and walking over to our girls for the first time.
-ooOOOoo-
Bella. Her name was Bella. Isabella Marie Swan. Bella. My Bella. My beautiful, sometimes quiet, sometimes feisty, shy at first, but then fiercely loyal girl. After that day at the food hall, I'd barely let her alone for a minute. Jasper had done some wrangling and managed to get her to drive me home from the mall and Alice-the friend who, as it turned out threatened my manhood whenever I called her pixie-drove Jasper. We were all too happy to get some alone time with them, so we decided not to mention to the girls that we had driven there and that Jasper's car was parked in the lot out front.
I could tell Bella wasn't used to any attention from guys, so I took things slowly, despite the fact that I was desperate for her. I wanted to be with her, in any capacity she'd have me. Helping her move her furniture around as she cleaned, bringing her food after she'd finished a late shift at the takeout place where she worked, taking books back to the library with her. Anything. I touched her softly whenever the moment would allow it. I'd found out through Alice one day that Bella's first couple of boyfriends hadn't been the best of guys. One was weak and snivelly and had used her for all she was worth, her giving nature allowing the selfish bastard to take advantage of her. The next had been pushy and a bully. This made my blood boil. The fact that anyone had laid a finger on her, or even threatened to, made my fists clench involuntarily.
Her mom apparently was a piece of work too. She'd taken off when Bella was little, leaving her with her Chief of Police father, Charlie. The small town where she'd grown up, near the West Coast of Washington state, ironically wasn't far from where I grew up just outside Seattle.
Bella was stubborn, fiercely independent, smart as hell and completely, completely unaware of the effect she had on me. She had commented a few times in passing that I didn't have to feel the need to keep her company just because Alice and Jasper were out together. Seriously, she was so ignorant of how I felt about her it was mind boggling. I felt likeI was walking around with it tattooed on my forehead. I'd tried to disagree with her and assure her I wanted to be there with her, but she never let me finish my sentence. So I never actually got the chance to tell her how much I wanted to be with her. For three months.
Three long, hard-on filled months. Three months in which her scent permeated my clothes, my mind, my shower (yes, I bought some of the same body lotion she used-call me a sicko. I'm a man, I have needs damnit). I was so ridiculously head over heels with her, that I actually cleaned her refrigerator. Yes that's right. Here are my balls which were cut off; take them with you when you leave. I couldn't wait for winter so I could offer her my coat when she got cold so I could go home and fall asleep with my face buried in her smell on my clothes.
After about three and a half months, finally-finally, the day came. The day I got to tell her I loved her. It didn't exactly go well.
She and Alice were moving apartments and I of course, was helping her pack boxes. And load them into a van, and then unload them. And unpack them again. Like I said, she had me.
We were standing in her bedroom, filling the bookshelves with her beloved books. Have I mentioned how much Bella loved to read? About as much as most people love to eat, party or get free stuff. A lot.
So we're standing in her apartment, the view of the city pretty amazing for the price they'd scored the place for. Bella was talking animatedly about how bad the new film version of Pride & Prejudice had been, discussing the differences, the failings, the poor adaptations, the reworking of the text. She was so passionate about it, her face getting red with her conviction. Arms flailing as she attacked the choice of actors to play the lead roles. It was so adorable it took every ounce of strength I had not to shut her up with my mouth on hers.
Instead of kissing her senseless I asked when and where she'd seen the movie. I couldn't work out where she'd found time to watch it. When had I not been with her for over an hour? Was she watching movies at 3 am? That's the only time I could think of that she had been away from me in the past 14 weeks.
"Umm..." she said, tapping the frayed binding of a well-read volume against her full lips in thought. "Oh that's right, you know that night you had that work thing?"
"Oh Jesus, that god-awful dinner with the firm's biggest clients. That was a room full of conceited pricks, I tell ya." I shook my head at the memory. "So what, you and Alice went together?"
"No, I went with Jake." She continued filing the books up onto the shelves into the order she liked them. I was thankful that she couldn't see my face in that moment because I can't say it would have been the picture of masculine strength or stoic fortitude.
"Who?" I hoped she didn't notice how my voice cracked as I choked the work out.
"You know, Jake, that guy I met at Starbucks when I was there with Alice? He spilled his drink in front of us, remember we told you about it?" She continued to take the books from my hands and placed them on the shelf as she spoke.
"How many times have you gone out with him?" My voice was reaching a remarkably high pitch but she failed to react if she'd heard it. The books I held out to her were trembling in my hand as the sudden realisation that I could have already lost her dawned on me. The sinking feeling in my gut got more pronounced and I broke out sweating. 'Shit' I thought. 'This is it, I've actually fucking lost her to some loser with a name like Jake. What kind of name is that anyway? Jake's a dog's name.' I sneered internally at the thought of this mutt putting his hands on her. Maybe even giving her a goodnight kiss at the door. So help me god if he'd tried to hit second base. At that moment, as the idea of him touching her flitted through my brain, I lost it. Before she'd even gotten a chance to reply, I'd dropped the books in my hand and stumbled out the door.
You know how pinballs kind of zig zag back and forth, hitting the walls in a machine? That was me. I practically fell out the front door into the hallway that led to the stairwell. I had no idea where I was headed, but there were tears gathering in my eyes so I had to get out of here. How could I have let this happen? I saw a door towards the end of the hall that held a simple plaque that read 'ROOFTOP'.
"Perfect," I muttered to myself as I wiped at my face with my sleeve. "I can fuckin' throw myself off."
It ended up that despite the fact that the building itself was in excellent condition, the door leading to the rooftop was rusted and old. I had to shove it open with my shoulder. I stumbled out into the fresh air and gulped it down into my lungs.
"FUCK!" I screamed to the skyline.
The city stood stoic and silent in reply.
For the first time since my Grandpa had died when I was 8, I cried. Like, not in the shit-I-just-stubbed-my-toe-on-the-bed kind of leakage out my eye, but I cried. I actually allowed the sobs to wrack my body. I crumpled to the cement floor and just let them take over me.
After a few minutes I stretched upright and walked over to the edge. My knees bumped into the brick ledge and I bent forward, leaning my elbows and forearms on the cement capping.
I pulled at my hair in frustration as I watched the city move and flow along the streets beneath me. My work building, one of the tallest, mocked me from its position in dead centre. 'Think you're successful do you?' It seemed to say. I'd thought I was actually. I was proud of the work I did and the stature I'd achieved for my age. I slaved over my college degree; then worked hard at the job I'd been lucky enough to get right out of college. I made good money, had a great apartment, nice stuff in it, and a car I was probably a little too attached to.
I thought I had it all. 'Til she had walked into my life. And now, it was too late. Like a pussy I'd sat in the 'friend zone' or whatever the fuck they call it and I'd helped her out but never told her how I felt. What an idiot.
I began pacing as I watched the city over the ledge. It annoyed me how smoothly everything seemed to be moving beneath me. How could everything be continuing on as it always had, when I was up here, fucking well losing the most important thing to me.
"You're a PRICK!" I shouted at the city. "You're a prick, you hear me!" I gave a finger to the cluster of buildings that stared back at me.
"I was happy 'til I met her!" I was raging by this point, my hands flailing in the air, as I stormed backwards and forth along the wall. Jesus help me if anyone could see me, they'd call the cops.
"I love her you son of a bitch." My voice faltered as the words fell from my lips. "I love her but now it's too late, she's fucking found someone else." I stumbled over an empty beer bottle that had been left behind up there. Forgotten by someone in happier times. Oh, the irony.
I stuck my hands out in front of me to catch the ledge and save myself from total destruction. As my hands gripped the cement capping once more, I lowered myself down and turned around so my back was against the wall. I pulled my knees up and rested my forearms on them before dropping my head back onto the bricks.
"Who?" A small voice from the doorway startled me causing me to jump up hitting my head on the underside of the ledge. "Shit!" I cursed as I rubbed the back of my skull.
I looked up to see Bella standing in the doorway. She was out of breath and her hair wild and escaping its clip like she'd been running. She was worrying the hem of her sleeve as she watched me, her brows furrowed.
"Bella?" I wiped at my face and shoved my hands through my hair before straightening the front of my t-shirt out as I stood up to look at her. "What are you doing up here?"
"Who?" she repeated.
"Who what?"
"Who do you love?" Her voice dropped along with her eyes as she said that last word.
Shit, she'd heard me. My heart stopped for an instant before starting back up double time. This was it. This was the chance I'd missed. No, the chance I'd watched pass me by. I took a deep breath then crossed the rooftop in three strides. I stood before her, barely inches away from her face, which was still tilted towards the ground. My breath was shaky as I drew it in to say the most important syllable I'd ever uttered.
I lifted my hand to grasp her chin in between my finger and thumb, to tilt her eyes up to meet mine.
"You."
-ooOOoo-
To say our first kiss had been monumental would be an understatement. It was epic, beautiful. It was a kiss to end all kisses. Only it didn't. It started them. Just like Bella, the kiss had started out slow and shy. Quiet and nervous. After I'd gotten over the initial shock that her reply to my declaring my love for her was to kiss me, I woke up from my stupor and began to kiss her back. I wrapped my arms around her small frame, fisting the fabric of her dress and pulling her even closer. Her soft, supple curves a delicious contrast to my hard straight lines. Somehow though, despite the juxtaposition, we fit perfectly. I lifted her from the ground a little to remove what minute amount of space there was between us. She tilted her neck, lifting her chin, eyes closed and breathless-she was beautiful. Iconic. A goddess. Her arms slid up the sides of mine until she reached my shoulders, where she then lowered them down slightly towards my chest and grabbed my t-shirt pulling me the last few millimetres closer.
When our lips met again, I think I might have actually blacked out for a bit. Her mouth was warm and sweet, just a hint of toothpaste mingling with the coffee I'd bought her this morning. I almost had a heart attack when I tasted her lips. She opened her mouth to allow me to deepen the kiss even more. Her soft, throaty moan when our tongues swept across, over and under each other almost made me explode.
A hungry growl sounded in my throat, primal and urgent and I lifted her further and gently pushed her back against the now closed door. I started to feel breathless and moved to kiss along her jaw, grazing my teeth on the soft skin just under her jawbone, but she lifted her hands quickly to my face, one on either side, and pushed until our mouths met once more.
"Jesus, Bella" I gasped, "I'm drowning in you."
"I know," she whispered. "It's too much. I know, I know, I know."
We might have been kissing for an hour; we might have been kissing for four hours. All I knew was that I was consumed by her. There would be no me without her any more. I didn't want to breathe anymore unless my air was the air she was done with.
Eventually the sky turned orange, then purple and then black. Despite the fact that I was pushed up against her, my body covering hers against the wall, the cool night air finally took hold of both of us and left us shivering.
"We should go inside, baby." I sighed as I reluctantly pulled my lips away from hers. I couldn't stay away for long though, because as soon as she 'mmhmmd' in response, I pressed my mouth back to hers. My body relaxing into hers when our breaths mingled once more.
"Bella?" I whispered.
"Mmm?"
"I don't wanna go." I said quietly, a lump building in my throat as I thought of even letting go of her for an instant.
"Then shuddup and keep kissing me." She giggled.
"No, I don't mean I don't want to go inside. I mean, I don't..." I paused as I choked over the words.
Bella leaned back minutely to look at my face. Her eyes swimming with concern as she noticed the furrow in my brow while I mentally stumbled over what I was trying to say.
"What is it, Edward?"
I looked at her and felt my chest constrict as it flooded with emotion.
"I...I. I" the breath began to escape my chest too quickly for me to suck it back in. I began floundering and dropped my eyes to the ground.
"Edward?" She held my face in her hands and forced me to look at her. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"I...I can't l...leave you."
She took a breath in and began shaking her head but I interrupted her before she could speak.
"I mean ever." Once I finally spat that out, the rest all came out in a rush. "I realise that this has only just happened but I've been in love with you since I saw you that day at Preston Mall and I've wanted to tell you every minute of every day since then and then I thought I you'd realise but you didn't and then you said you'd gone on that date and I thought I'd lost you and I went crazy so when I say I can't leave you, I mean tonight, tomorrow, forever. I'm not sure I can ever walk away from you. I may have to quit my job." I laughed nervously.
She just smiled and looked down at our hands still linked together.
"Wow that was really inarticulate wasn't it?" I asked sheepishly.
"There were definitely a lot of words" she giggled. "Listen, there are a few things that need to be made clear before we go any further ok?" She said seriously.
I cleared my throat nervously and stood back a little. I was more nervous than I could ever remember being before. "Bella, I... I".
"Edward, I swear to god, if you don't shut up for 30 seconds, I'm gonna slap you." One hand was now propped on her hip and her right eyebrow was cocked up. I nodded mutely. God, I loved it when she sassed me.
"Ok first of all," she began. "In response to your earlier question? The one you didn't wait to hear the answer to before you ran out my door!" she poked me in the chest to emphasize the last words in her sentence. I wasn't sure whether to speak or not, so I just nodded.
"I've been out with Jake that one time, we went to a movie, which was rubbish, but I knew that because I'd already seen it with Alice. If Jake had stopped talking about himself long enough to allow me to speak, he would have known that. I ended the date the moment the movie was over, because I couldn't stand the thought of being in the same room as him for another minute."
That made me grin and she rolled her eyes at me before swatting my chest.
"Secondly," she continued. I took a deep breath because she had that look on her face when she's about to really tell someone off for doing something she hates.
"Secondly...I apparently talk in my sleep, if that's an issue for you, we might as well forget about this right now." She waved her finger in between us as she said 'this'. I sighed in relief, smiling at the connotation of her words.
"Thirdly, and most importantly," she reached out to grasp my hand once more. "That day at the mall?" She looked suddenly like that quiet, shy girl I'd first laid eyes on.
"Yeah?"
She looked up at me and seemed to find confidence in whatever she saw.
"I fell in love with you that first day too. I just didn't know it 'til I heard you say it just now. So thank you for saying it, even if you were telling the city instead of me." She snickered quietly. Seeing the embarrassment on my face, she laughed more freely now.
"Can I talk now?" I asked half-jokingly.
"Yes, Edward. You can talk." She smiled as she stepped back into my open arms.
"Bella Swan. I love you." I swallowed down the emotion that flooded my senses as I looked at her. "I promise to love you every day of forever."
The smile that took over her face was breathtaking. She leant up, wrapping one small hand around the back of my neck and tugged me down to meet her. The small firm kiss was comforting and new, sure and exciting. The tingle in my stomach that was ever present when I was with her, reached all my nerve endings and made my whole body buzz with electricity.
"Let's go get some dinner." She murmured as she pulled away.
She pulled my hand towards the door and we walked down the stairs together, she smiled shyly as she added "Oh and I sleep on the left."
-ooOOOoo-
So here I sat, on the rooftop, our rooftop, waiting for my girl to come home. I'd literally stepped off a plane from Seattle and caught a cab straight here, where I marched up the stairs and sat here on the ledge to wait. I'd flown to Forks to ask her dad Charlie, for his permission to give her the ring that sat burning a hole in the left pocket of my suit jacket. Ok that's a lie. First, I asked the cab driver to pull over at our local so I could buy some beers and bum a cigarette off the owner. I needed to calm my nerves. I rarely smoke. But today, I wanted just the one to take the edge off.
I'd met Charlie only a few weeks after that fateful afternoon up here on the roof nearly 6 months ago and we'd become firm friends. That was the day it all really started for us. We'd spent that night and every night since, wrapped up in each other in what was now our room downstairs. What we had in day to day life was, to say the least, incredible. Our bantering, our laughter, our arguments, our quiet moments of simple coexistence, they were all, honestly, the most amazing moments of my life. The feeling of near-perfection permeated my every cell. However, the time we spent tangled together, sweating, tasting, pushing, pulling, reaching and falling was, to put it mildly, God-like. I'd never been particularly religious, never had belief very strong in any direction; but those moments with her above me, below me, so open and trusting, totally and irrevocably mine to do with as I pleased-and pleased me it did-were enough to make me believe in a higher power. There was no way the connection between us-the raw instinctual need for each other-there was no way that was a fluke. There had to be the hand of fate, God, karma-call it what you will, but whatever it was, I was happy as hell for it.
The sky was starting to change from soft blue to pale pink and amber, so I knew Bella would be home soon. Her job in the city finished around 6 and since it was only a few blocks from here, I knew I didn't have long to wait. I hopped off the ledge of the wall, extinguished the last of my smoke and walked over towards the wall next to the door which led to the stairwell. I flipped the switch that sat about a foot off the ground and grinned at the dozen or so lanterns I'd strung up here two days ago, lit up. I'd spent a good two hours up here, with Jasper and Alice's help, winding electrical cords around everything that was nailed down and hanging lanterns from anywhere I could. They swayed gently in the breeze that was only noticeable at this height and I smiled thinking of what Bella's reaction would be when she saw them.
My cell vibrated against my hip and I pulled it out, 'almost home baby' Bella had typed. I walked over to the ledge once more, smiling involuntarily at the thought of being close to my girl in a matter of moments. I could see her crossing the street below, her skirt swaying as she walked. It reminded me of the lanterns that twinkled above my head. I typed back a quick text "roof :-)". She wouldn't think anything of my being up here; we came to 'our place' all the time. We ate up here, spread out on a picnic basket, we'd had roof parties up here with J and Alice dozens of times, we'd made love here under the stars, and we even just came up here to read together on days off when the weather permitted.
I swallowed the last of my beer and stashed the bottle with the others before cracking open two more and setting them down near the ledge ready for my girl. I stepped back up onto the corner and watched the city crawl below me, once again, completely unaware of how my world was about to change so absolutely. I heard a small grunt and realised Bella was struggling with the door. I pushed off from the wall and walked over to the door in a couple of strides to yank it open. Bella fell through and landed in my arms.
"Oof! Jesus we should get the Super to fix that thing! I'm gonna have a permanent bruise on my shoulder from trying to shove it open!" she exclaimed, rubbing her shoulder vigorously. She looked up at my face, as she always did after we'd been separated for any number of hours and she smiled.
"Hey baby, how was your day?" She grinned at me, her eyes roaming over my features as I answered her.
"Good, love. It was a good day, I had a, ah, pitch that went well." I grinned back at her as I rubbed her back, pulling her towards me for a kiss.
"Mmmm you bought some beers?" She licked her lips as she pulled back from our kiss. It was only then that she realised the lights that were now glowing against the darkening sky. "Wow! What are these for? I wonder who put them up here?" She mused as she moved slightly away from me, to look closer at them.
I kept a hold of her hand and trailed behind her smiling as I waited.
"You said you had a pitch?" she said, her voice squeaking a little at the end in confusion.
"Yeah, I had to talk to this guy, see if he'd let us take over his biggest asset." I grinned at the thought of Charlie saying yes I could marry his daughter, but not before offering a serious warning of death if I ever hurt her, wondering what he'd think of my calling her an asset.
"Oh wow that sounds big. Was it? How did it go?" She was still looking at the lanterns, smiling, but totally unaware of what was right in front of her.
"It went well actually. I think he knew what I was there for before I even showed him my first ah...the first bit of my presentation. He said yes."
"Aww baby, that's great, you're amazing at your job, you know that?" She turned back to me smiling, giving me a congratulatory pat on my chest, before looking back to the lanterns and squinting.
"These are patterned lanterns! I've never seen them with a pattern before, they're usually just white! How cool!" She giggled as she got closer and closer to them. I had to laugh at her complete cluelessness, once again.
"Yeah, they're handmade" I laughed.
"What? How do you know? Oh! They say something...there's words on them!" she was right underneath one now. I hadn't taken into account the fact that she was nearly a foot shorter than me, and therefore probably eighteen inches away from the lanterns. The words would be harder for her to see.
"Baby, can you see what the words say? I can't make it out." She turned to me expectantly, her eyebrows raised.
"Here, come over to this one by the wall, it's lower, you'll be able to see better." I led her over to where I'd been sitting before, where the lanterns hung lower as I'd wrapped the end of their lead around a protruding piece of old drain pipe.
"Oh yep that's better I can read this now. Gosh I seriously have to fucking get my eyes checked huh?" She giggled again. She leaned forward a little to gently hold the lantern, stopping its peaceful sway. As she did so, I knelt down behind her and fished the ring out of my pocket. The past few minutes with her adorable behaviour and complete inability to notice her surroundings had kept my nerves at bay, but as I knelt there-on one knee-waiting for my girl to read the words I'd written dozens of times on every lantern, the nerves bubbled to the surface and I realised I could feel my heart pounding beneath my chest.
"Me..." She murmured as she finally read the words. "Will...you..." she kept turning the lantern to read the three words that repeated over and over along the white material."Marry...me..." I took a breath in, any moment now.
"Will...you...marry...me..." silence filled the air. That peace I usually found up here on the roof suddenly felt deafening.
Her back straightened and she repeated the words again, with less of a pause between each word now. "Will...you...marry...me."
"Edward?"
"Bella?" My voice betrayed my nerves. Damnit, I was hoping to stay cool for this moment.
"Edward, this looks like your writing." She half turned to look at me for confirmation and a split instant of confusion flickered across her face when I wasn't where she'd thought I was standing behind her. That confusion changed instantly when her eyes fell upon me waiting behind her. One knee bent, one knee supporting my hand which held out a ring. She gasped and her hands flew up to her mouth.
"Bella Swan?" I started, before clearing my throat to continue. She nodded as tears started to pool in her eyes.
"I know this has been said a million different ways in a million different places, so there's nothing really I can say to make it more original or unique. But, what I do know is that noone has ever loved a woman as much as I love you. Noone has ever been so completely and utterly unable to even breathe without another person, as I am without you. I love you more than I will ever be able to express, Bella, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to show you, if you'll have me. Will you marry me?"
Her face was by this point, glistening with tears that had started streaming down her face. She wiped them away as she giggled quietly before looking at me and saying what was now the most important syllable I'd ever hear.
"Yes."
And there, in that moment, on a rooftop. Our rooftop, I finally found real peace.
FIN
