Haunted
The Shinra mansion was a blackened sentinel on the hilltop. A blind witness to the burnt out ruin that had been Nebelheim. If ever a building should be haunted, Cloud thought, it was that one. How many had lost their lives in that forbidding structure? How many had been tortured and corrupted like he and Zack had been? It didn't deserve to stand, it's enduring presence an insult to the graveyard that his hometown had become. He understood now why he'd come, for closure. Burning it down would bring him peace.
After the last battle with Sephiroth, Cloud had found himself strangely unsettled. He should have felt victorious for saving the planet and becoming it's Hero, celebrated and loved by all. Especially considering how insignificant he'd once been. How he'd failed to make SOLDIER, but he felt nothing. Sephiroth's last words haunted him and Cloud was determined to make the man less than a memory. He would forget him entirely. Wipe out every sign that reminded him of the past.
Maybe that was why Cloud had felt so unsettled. Why he couldn't remain anywhere. Every town he'd traveled to since the Advent he'd felt an irresistible urge to leave. There were memories everywhere. They haunted his dreams so that he couldn't sleep. Circled his mind when he was awake until he felt like he was going crazy.
It was for the best that he'd left Tifa and the rest of his friends from Avalanche behind. They'd all moved on, almost like none of it had happened. He envied them for being able to rebuild their lives and move on. He wished he could let it go, but he couldn't.
That's why he found himself in the last place he'd ever wanted to set foot in again. Home. Even though he knew what to expect, it still had shocked him to find the little mountain town of his memories a burnt out shell, quickly being swallowed by weeds.
It came to him suddenly that he didn't even know where the bodies had been buried and wondered if they had been. Perhaps if he poked around a bit he could find the broken skeleton of his mom and make his homecoming complete. Perhaps they could get together and talk over old times. Cloud laughed at that, the sound loud and broken in the still air, almost sounding like sobs. He laughed and he laughed until he found himself kneeling in the dirt tears streaming from his eyes and his stomach hurting from the effort.
Cloud wondered, as he gasped for air and tried to get himself together again, if perhaps he hadn't gone crazy after all.
He hated to admit it to himself but he was pretty sure he'd gone around the bend. He lost track of time sometimes, he'd be going about his business, pause for a bit and suddenly find that hours had passed. Or find himself somewhere without the memory of actually getting there. It was disturbing. He felt lost all the time.
Also he had this unshakeable feeling that Aeris wasn't dead. He'd told Tifa about that and her shocked and worried expression had immediately made him shut up and laugh about it like it was just a heartless joke. She hadn't seemed convinced. It had only increased her hovering, offering him tea and a blanket and perhaps a nice trip to Healin. In the end he hadn't been able to get away from her fast enough.
The truth was that Cloud dreamed about Aeris often. In the dreams, she kept telling him to come to her. To find her. To hurry. And he always woke up in a panic, wanting to rush out immediately to save her and take her home. Never mind that she was dead. That he knew it, even in his dreams. The urge was always there and made him want to scream because he had failed her and he continued to fail her..
Cloud got to his feet and started making his way to the Mansion. Yeah, he would burn it. Set the whole fucking forest on fire and if the wind shifted and he couldn't get away from the flames, then to hell with it. He had nothing left to lose and perhaps he'd finally find peace.
