Author's Note: Hello there everyone. I decided to make this not a one shot. So this is one of my first chaptered stories. I was supposed to put this before New Year's though so sorry. Happy Belated Mikan! I hope you enjoy it. Please review.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gakeun Alice. Not even one bit.
Unsettled Loathing
-Mikan's POV-
"Where is he?" was the thought that continued to go through my mind. Honestly, where in the world could he be? Where could my boyfriend be? Why can't I find Natsume.
Natsume, I don't know why but I feel something is wrong. I'm actually feeling pretty insecure right now. Lately Natsume has been missing for periods of time. I would then find him later with some excuse. I honestly would have believed his excuse when one day I actually checked out one of them. He once said that he was hanging with Ruka before when I clearly remembered Hotaru saying she had a date with Ruka at the exact time. Something was definitely up. I really need to talk to him not only about the times when he would go missing but also he promised me that we'll discuss what we will do on my birthday. He promised me that, yet where was he?
I was walking and looking everywhere. I even checked the sakura tree, now where to start. The whole school is huge. I could end up going around in circles for all I know. I sighed when I heard two voices. I could barely hear what they were saying. I followed the voices and as I neared I realized that Natsume was one of the voices. I was overjoyed and started to run towards the voices but I stopped in my tracks. I was in the forest and there Natsume was in a clearing. He was beside not Ruka, Koko or any of the guys. In fact he was not even with a guy. He was with a girl!! The thing was this girl wasn't any of the girls she knew, none of her familiar friends. Who was she??
I didn't know what to do. I was glued to the ground. I couldn't run away or move at all. I didn't even bother to hear what they said. I just decided to see how this girl looks like. I then surveyed and took in her appearance. She was a pretty, thin and tall girl but she wasn't as tall as Natsume. It was like the perfect height for Natsume. She had strawberry blonde hair and her hair was cut at just below the shoulder, nice and straight. It swayed as the wind blew. I then decided to check out her face. As I looked at it I felt my heart stop. I was amazed simply by her beauty. It was just amazing. It was like a painting from a famous painter. It was like Venus De Milo. It was…stunning. I observed that everything about her was perfect. I then looked at her eyes, her beautiful eyes. It shined brightly. She had bright blue eyes. Just like Ruka. It contrasted beautifully against Natsume's dark deep crimson eyes.
It was then that it hit me. Obviously this was why Natsume was missing all the time. Here I thought that he might have done something selfless by planning me a party. Instead it was something that was just horrible. He was cheating on me. I could feel my heart completely stop with a jolt then it started beating crazily. It accelerated and there I felt blood rushing through. My face felt warm as the realization finally sunk in. A tear started to escape as I breathed in and out. Making sure that I was getting in the right amount so that I won't faint. What can I do now? I panicked. Natsume cheated on me for someone else who was completely and utterly beautiful.
I was completely angry. My body was shaking. The tears started pouring like waterfalls and I just wanted to collapse then and there but I couldn't. I didn't want to look bad in front of Natsume. I was stronger than that. I'll show that cheating jerk. I then shouted the first thing that popped in my head.
"I HATE YOU NATSUME HYUUGA!!" With that being said I started to run because I heard Natsume ask in an incredulous voice "Mikan?!?!"
I started running. Stumbling on the way, tearing parts of my clothes in the process, and even scraping parts of my body. Anything to get away from him. I just wanted to get away from him. Not being able to breathe any longer due to running and crying I stopped. Knowing I went really far. I then slumped on the tree to catch my breath when he suddenly jumped out of the tree in front of me. I screamed then tried to run away but he grabbed my arm.
"Honestly Mikan, You should give me more credit. I did pursuit works a lot harder than what you just gave me a while ago." He said obviously smirking while saying this.
I was furious. How dare he taunt me now? Just when he broke my heart. Doesn't he see me crying? "Don't touch me" I said harshly "Not after what just happened earlier. I can't believe you would do that?!?"
His eyes then became huge. "How much do you know?" Natsume said looking down with bangs covering his eyes. This shocked me. Was he actually admitting that he cheated on me? I just can't believe it. I was always hoping that maybe there was a misunderstanding or something. After finding my voice I spoke.
"I know enough" I simply stated. I mean who wouldn't figure it out. Anyone could figure it out. Did he actually think that I was that dense? Now I feel even worse. It's like he was giving insult to injury.
"Look…I know this may seem bad but…I can explain" Natsume said
"I don't want to hear anymore!! I don't need more stupid excuses from you. I heard enough after all these days" I then said. The nerve of him to say that to me! How could he ever explain why he cheated on me? Would he even dare lie to my face?
"Mikan…" Natsume then tried to apologize. I wasn't going to let him do that. I wouldn't fall into his trap. I had to let it all out now.
"I hate you!!" I then said before he could continue "You are huge jerk! I hate you so much!! To think even before my birthday, I find you cheating me!"
With this Natsume's eyes were full of different emotions that I couldn't understand. In honesty I just didn't care. Let him be full of regret for all I care. That's when he started to speak. "Look, Mikan you don't understand"
"Don't try to worm your way out of it" I then shouted at him. There he goes trying to make up and pretend like it was nothing. "What do you think I am?? Stupid? Did you actually think that I wouldn't realize it after all those times you went missing? Did you think that I wouldn't find out anyway so you don't have to worry of being caught? Well guess what Natsume. We're through!!! I don't want anything to do with you!!" I tried to say this while holding back all my tears. I just hoped I could keep up this façade of being strong, a little bit longer.
"Mikan! Stop this! I know you don't mean it" Natsume suddenly said with sorrow in his voice. Now he regrets it. It's too late. Nothing can make up for it now.
"Don't bother Natsume!" I said to him hoping he'll stop by now "I want it more than you know! In fact I don't want to see your face ever again. It just causes me pain! In fact I just wish you could vanish out of thin air. I even wish that you never existed!! At least that way I wouldn't have felt any pain from you."
That did it. With that Natsume looked down and released his grip on my arm. Just as I thought he was going to leave he muttered something. Without even looking up he simply said "Do you really want this?"
I was startled. He just won't leave me alone! "Yes" I was able to say after a long pause of thinking. If saying yes would get him out of my face then I'll be happy to oblige. I don't ever want to see him anymore.
With that 'Yes' Natsume then turned around without looking at me. He started to walk deeper in the forest. Just as he was about to vanish into the forest he stopped. I then heard him say these sentences. "If you really want that, then consider it as your birthday present. From this day on, I promise I will vanish out of your life."
As tomorrow dawned I woke up with a massive headache. Normally I was supposed to feel excited after all it is my birthday but today was different. I had earned a headache from crying my heart out last night. I was sulking over Natsume. I was shocked over the turn of events that happened yesterday, the discovery, the lies, the run, the fight and the promise. It was too much for me to handle all at once. I had a thought to just cancel everything but I knew better. I'm fine without him and I can't wait to show him just that. I was better than that. I wouldn't let someone as stupid as Natsume try to ruin me.
I stood up then simply did my daily routine. Luckily today was a Friday and it was half day. I didn't like the idea of partying late at night and waking up really early in the morning for school. I just wanted to relax and not worry about school. I also just have to get through half a day of school then I'm good to go.
That's when it hit me. Half a day of school means half a day sitting beside him. I wonder if I can make it through the day. I know I wouldn't bother talking to him and try to ignore him but I would still see him. Well, if I'm going to see him I must as well make myself look better. It would be perfect proof that I'm fine. With that set to my mind I walked up to my mirror and tried to decide what to do with myself. In the end, I didn't do anything. I realized that I wasn't good at make up or anything to try to enhance my beauty. I sweatdropped seeing that I just wasted all this time to find out it will lead me to no avail. I just sighed then told myself to keep on smiling and pretend like nothing happened. I then turned to the door of my bed room then prepared myself for the internal battle that will come soon.
As I was about to enter the door before me I took a deep breath. Today is my birthday and I should be ecstatic. I should show to everyone that I'm someone who is strong, that nothing is wrong and everything is just perfect. I then placed a smile on my face then entered the room. The moment the door opened the noise of the class greeted me. It felt warming and pleasant hearing the sound that I loved. Today people were noisier than usual because it's the New Year. They were probably all excited to see the fireworks tonight. I wonder how it's going to be like tonight.
Back to the situation at hand I smiled the best I could and greeted everyone warmly. I also thanked every single person who would greet me. In the end it became a great way to stall time till I went to my seat which meant stalling me from seeing Natsume. Perfect! This way I wouldn't have to get so angry at someone so early in the morning.
Sadly not all good things can last and I finally reached my seat. I was getting ready to put on my happy face to show Natsume when I finally realized something. Natsume was missing. There was no trace of the boy or his manga. Instead what remained was an empty seat. For some reason I felt sad. Did he really mean it when he said that it will be as if he doesn't exist? Then again, why should I care? There I was pondering when I noticed another thing. There was Ruka except something seemed wrong. Ruka wasn't smiling his warm smile or greeting me either Happy New Year or Happy Birthday. There Ruka was simply staring into space which definitely showed that he was troubled with something. Could it be about Natsume? It's not that I care it's just that I'm worried for Ruka that's all.
"Ruka?" I finally said after observing him "What's wrong?"
My voice apparently startled him. He was too into his thoughts that he probably didn't even notice me coming into the room. He then looked at me. "Oh Sakura, I didn't see you! Happy New Year and Happy Birthday to you"
Once he said this I knew something was wrong. His voice was definitely implying that he was sad over something. What could ever make Ruka act like this? Just as I was about to ask him the bell had rung. I decided to ask him later after class.
I wasn't able to ask Ruka what was wrong because before I could ask he was already gone. It seemed as if he was in some hurry. I wonder where he could have gone. Oh well, There's no use worrying. I have to get ready anyway. Hotaru said that she had something planned for tonight. In fact she apparently was so busy planning it that she had to miss class. She didn't have to worry about missing classes though. Her grades wouldn't have changed even if she missed a whole month. She would still do better than I do. The thing is that I have no idea what she planned for me. I wonder what we're going to do.
I then started to walk to my room but for some reason I took a route which made me pass by the Sakura tree. I don't know why but I just wanted to see it maybe because I wanted to see if he would keep his promise or maybe even just seeing a glimpse of him. Sadly, when I went to the Sakura tree Natsume was nowhere to be found. I sighed thinking that maybe he was hanging out with that girl. With the thought of that girl coming to my mind I instantly rushed to my room. I just don't want to care anymore what is happening between Natsume and that girl. It's definitely none of my business neither do I want it to be mine.
I was thinking so much that before I knew it I was in front of my room. I then reached out for the door knob but somebody from inside already opened it and pulled me in.
"Finally you came, you idiot!" shouted Sumire
"Sumire?" I asked surprised by her appearance in my room. What was she doing here? That's when I looked around my room. I found Sumire, Anna, Nonoko and Hotaru all there. I then observed to find that the room now contained make up and dresses. I raised my eyebrows knowing what's going to happen next. It was simple. We were going to have a make over.
"Now don't give us that look" Sumire said replying to my expression on my face. "We waited for you! We're going to go to your birthday party. Come on! We have to dress up soon. We can't be too late for your own party."
I looked around to see the bright eyes of Nonoko and Anna anticipating for me to say yes. I bet they're excited to do each other's make up. I then looked at Hotaru who was surprisingly giving me a tiny smile. I looked at all my friends then smiled back. Maybe through this I can forget about Natsume. Maybe just maybe I can have fun and forget about my anger towards him.
It was breathtaking the moment I stepped into the gym where my party was held. It was so perfect. From the way we looked to the way how the gym looked. Hotaru really worked hard on trying to make this place incredible and she didn't fail. I looked at each one of us who all had on the same strapless gown but with their own specified colors. Our clothes were elegant and sweet which fitted in perfectly the theme of the party. Simply, my party's theme revolved around the music video of one of my favorite songs, Love Story. The moment I saw that video I fell in love with it. The idea of princesses, dance balls, gardens and not to mention the escape with the one you loved entranced me.
Apparently somehow Hotaru found out about it and tried to make it resemble what I wanted and even did much better than I imagined it. There was a beautiful tree wrapped with lights right in the middle. Its branches stretching over the dance floor even had these beautiful lanterns hanging on them. Later on, people would have to dance around it. It gave a magical feeling to the place as if we were in some enchanted forest. The walls of the gym were changed into marble bricks and had vines hanging on it to imitate a wall of a castle. Then there were towering white doors with curtains swiftly blowing in the wind leading out to the balconies overlooking the Northern Woods and paths lined with candles leading to the gardens which Hotaru graciously decorated. The gardens even had rose gardens and fountains. In short it was as if a little girl's princess dream came to life. The perfect setting was something that would have made me feel as if I was really a princess. Everything was perfect. Well…almost everything. I was still a little angry over what had happened. I wonder if I will ever forgive Natsume.
I shook my head as I looked at Hotaru. I was able to catch a hint of worry on her face but the next moment she wiped it clean. She then walked towards me. I wonder if she'll ask me what's wrong.
"Hey idiot" she said while hitting my head "It's your birthday stupid. Stop worrying and relax." I decided to take her advice then continued smiling. She's right. It's my birthday! I should enjoy it. Natsume shouldn't be the reason why my birthday will be ruined.
I then enjoyed my party as much as I could. I smiled and greeted to everyone I see. I was having fun luckily without Natsume in sight. I danced the night and even talked to people who I've never met. I had so much fun. The music was just perfect. It was fun to dance to not to mention Hotaru picked them so she would have known which songs were my favorite to dance to. I was even asked by some boys. This was surely something because usually boys would be scared to talk to me because of Natsume.
I wasn't really interested into dancing with any of those other boys who I didn't even know. I was about to decline when:
"Come on Mikan!!" said Anna urging me to dance
"Yeah Mikan, Go on have fun!!" Sumire agreed with Anna.
"No guys. I'm ok." I said sheepishly. I just didn't feel like it.
"Don't tell me you're still set up on Natsume" Sumire then questioned me. Now they pushed too far.
"No! What makes you think that" I replied. I mean come on! Just because I don't want to dance with them doesn't mean it has to be about Natsume.
"Well then, go!" Sumire told me
"Fine!" I said. Just so that she can stop accusing and this way she'll know that I'm fine without Natsume.
I took the boy's hand but in the process I felt weird. It just didn't feel right. I then saw a flash of crimson. I looked up for some reason and I have no idea but I was happy. The mood I had suddenly became sad when I found out it was somebody's dress. Honestly, whoever wore crimson must be some show off. Doesn't she know that crimson just catches other people's attention?
The boy led me to the middle of the dance floor. There the music started then we danced. Again came this feeling of awkwardness. I have no idea why I'm still feeling this. Maybe it's because I'm dancing with this person who I don't even know. Yeah…that's why!!
While I was thinking I felt as if hot air just passed me. I looked up expecting something but I just realized that we were just going near the lights on the tree. I must remind Hotaru to fix those lights. They might end up overheating.
That's when I realized that the song that I was dancing to had come to an end. Oops, lost myself there. I have no idea what got over me. The boy nicely then led me back to my seat where my friends were. My friends (except for Hotaru) on the other hand were eyeing me. When I said goodbye to the boy they suddenly burst out into an interrogation.
"What in the world happened?!?!" asked Sumire "Why were just staring into space?? It's as if you were a zombie or something"
"It's about Natsume isn't it" asked Nonoko. Again with the Natsume, I don't need him people. I'm fine without him.
"It's not about Natsume, I told you guys, I don't care about him anymore!" I shouted causing some people to look at me.
Anna and Nonoko looked at each other and Sumire rolled her eyes. "Ok…What are you guys thinking?" I asked frustrated
They all said the same thing "Denial" They are making me snap.
"I'm not in denial!!" I defended "How stubborn do you guys have to be??"
"Sure, Mikan" Anna said "If you don't mind the three of us will dance, ok? You'll be fine on your own right?"
"Yeah, yeah!" I replied "I don't need anyone to baby sit me."
"Well, if you're sure" Nonoko then said and all three of them left.
I then sat down placing my head on the table. I just feel so angry and frustrated. I also feel so…hurt. I shouldn't care. Why should I? It's definitely not because of Natsume. Then somebody touched my shoulder. I then sat up straight and asked "Natsume?". To my dismay it was simply Hotaru who had her eyebrows raised in question.
"Oh, sorry Hotaru" I then meekly said "I just thought…"
"You know, you shouldn't lie to me." Hotaru interrupted "I can tell." Great…now even Hotaru thinks that I'm lying.
I didn't want to restart again so I decided to change the subject. "Anyway Hotaru, I just want to tell you that this is a great party"
"Nice try Mikan" Hotaru then said. Darn! She saw past it.
"I'm not kidding Hotaru. I really love the party. It's amazing how much you did for me. How were you able to figure out exactly what I wanted?" I tried to change the topic once again.
"Well, I did have some help." Hotaru then said
"Really?" I said with surprise "Who helped you?"
"Natsume" Hotaru simply replied
Natsume? Natsume helped Hotaru? Natsume helped do all of this? Natsume actually did something like that? Natsume did something as great as this for me?
Once Hotaru said that name, I felt horrible. I felt a surge of emotion. I felt dizzy and confused. I felt…tears. I started to cry…crying not because he cheated on me...crying not because of anger but because of him. I remembered all of those times we had together. I remembered all of the good times and even the bad. I would remember that even if I did stupid things he would always to try to fix it. He would always let me talk. I would remember every simple thing that he did, anything even the irritating parts were the ones that I loved about him.
In the end, I then cried because of one simple thing: I missed him and I still was terribly in love with him.
I cried and luckily Hotaru was there. Surprisingly she actually gave her shoulder for me to cry on. After who knows how long I decided on something. I tried to dry my tears and faced Hotaru.
"I need to talk to him" I finally said after trying to stop my sobbing. "I just want to talk it out. I miss him and I don't want it to end like that"
Surprisingly Hotaru eyes then showed a different look. It was a look of pity. Something didn't feel right.
"Sakura?" asked a voice that I knew all too well.
"Ruka!!" I shouted joyfully. Surely Ruka would know where Natsume is. "Look! Ruka! I need to find Natsume. I just want to talk to him. Even though our relationship might not be the same I don't want to end up hating him forever. I really miss him so can you please tell me where he is?"
At that moment both Hotaru and Ruka glanced at each other with worry and sadness in their eyes. Ruka then took a deep breath then looked at me.
"Mikan, we have something to tell you" Hotaru then said
"It's about Natsume" Ruka continued "I'm sorry but we promised him not to tell you but I guess we have to tell you now."
Disclaimer: I do not own "Love story" by Taylor Swift. Note the 'by Taylor Swift'.
