Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda or any of the characters, settings, etc. associated with it here. They are all the property of Nintendo.


"Link! WAKE UP! Stop jerking off!" the castle guardsman yelled as he banged on the knight's wooden door.

The blond Hylian groaned as he stirred, hugging his pillow over his pointy ears, not wanting to get up. He'd been having the most ecstatic dream. The door shook again, his commanding officer screaming that it was already half past six and to hurry up and get his ass down to breakfast. He had a Champions' meeting today!

Link jerked-and not just because of the after-effects of his dream. That's right...today's a Champions' meeting! He spotted the epic boner poking through his blanket.

Damn Princess Zelda and her vixen ways! Now he had two problems to deal with: getting up and getting off-and he'd better hurry if he was to be on time for the meeting. Seeing the beautiful blonde's face was one of the few things that motivated Link to wake up early.

Zelda, baby...here I come!

In more ways than one.


Link piled his plate with wildberry crepes, omelets, seared steak, fried wild greens, and a loaf of fresh bread-not forgetting the jug of milk and bowl of fruit he needed for nutrition. He brought this small meal to his usual spot at the end of the dining hall's long table. As he wolfed down his soldier's benefits a tall, stocky guy with rooster hair strutted by as if he had a stick up his ass.

"Guh, huh, huh..." The lower-ranked knight held his chin, humongous shadow casting over Link. "Guh, huh, huh...look who it is...the twiggy little loser who thinks he actually has a chance with Zelda. Keep eating, punk, 'cause turning into a fatass like Ganon is the closest you'll ever get to capturing her."

Link continued eating, expression blank. Then he stood, and-after taking a big gulp of milk-poured the jug over Groose's head. The redhead gasped, creepy yellow eyes bulging as the entire Royal Guard started laughing at him. Link exited the hall before Groose could mar his beautiful face, and headed towards the baths.

Today was his day, and he wasn't going to let anyone ruin that.


After bathing and donning the blue Champion's tunic he often masturbated in, Link began climbing the countless flights of Hyrule Castle's stairs leading up to the Champions' Hall in the tallest tower. The Hall was located directly above King Rhoam's throne room, and though its location flattered Link, it also annoyed him, for the room had a large gaping hole in the center that displayed the throne beneath. Many seduction attempts had been thwarted by the ever-watchful hole and Link often wondered if the king knew this.

Luck was on his side though as today the king had a meeting elsewhere in the castle. Him and his merry crew of soldiers would be gone, leaving the Sanctum virtually empty. This was Link's chance to fulfill one of his long-dormant fantasies: penetrating Zelda inside an empty Champions' Hall.

The Hylian Champion headed up the curving corridor of stairs that led to the room and entered the meeting.

"Late again...?" a low, sensual voice called; it was, unfortunately, not Zelda, but the older sex symbol of the group, Gerudo Champion Urbosa. The statuesque redhead clutched her regal chair's armrests like a throne, long hair falling past her ass and almost touching the floor.

"He probably overslept, as usual..." Revali sneered as he too sat his feathered ass on a chair next to her, clutching his armrests as if he were king. The Rito Champion had long blue feathers that draped down his wings and liked making a name for himself as The Asshole.

"Hey, now-the little guy needs his rest every now and then!" a fat, built, but gentle giant boomed in his specially-sized chair. Daruk was the Goron Champion and was like a Big Bro to Link. He grinned at the blond, bobbing his hairy white eyebrows while jerking his head over to Zelda and the empty seat beside her.

"Good morning, Link," The red-scaled Zora Champion smiled at him, hands on her lap. Mipha was fish royalty, and though she and Link had been close pals back in the day, lately she'd developed a creepy habit of staring at him for long periods of time. He didn't know how to tell her he wasn't interested.

They sat around the gape hole in that order: going counterclockwise from Zelda, Urbosa, Revali, Daruk, Mipha, and the empty seat which was Link's, completing the epic crew of Ganon's doom.

"Well, now that Link is here..." a soft, accented falsetto said...and Link looked to the north of the huge room to see the object of his lust and affection gazing at him. Princess Zelda tapped her armrest with one manicured hand, scrutinizing him with her sapphire eyes. "...shall we begin?"


The meeting seemed to end as soon as it began, mostly because Link had been too busy fantasizing about his wet dream coming true to pay any real attention. The group began dispersing down the two staircases that exited the Hall; Link went to follow Zelda in the staircase she took with Urbosa and Revali, hoping to lure her back into the soon-to-be-empty-room...but was stopped by Mipha's high, breathy voice. He inwardly cursed, not wanting to deal with this, but went to her as chivalry and friendship dictated.

"I'm sorry to bother you..." The Zora princess fiddled with her fingers, gazing up and back at the floor. "...but I was wondering about something..."

Hurry up, Mipha... If she'd just spit out whatever pointless crap she was going to say he could still catch Zelda in the stairway!

"I was wondering, if, umm..."

...

Link concentrated on holding his erection for Zelda.

"Well, the question is a bit embarrassing, so maybe I ought to-"

Mipha...this is exactly why we grew apart...

"Maybe I ought to...ask you later about it... Yes, I realize it'd be best if I asked you in the breakfast hall or something, when you're not busy..."

SO YOU KNOW?

"I apologize for keeping you. Farewell, Link!" She turned to leave.

"Goodbye, Mipha." His voice and face were like stone.

After making sure she'd gone down the staircase and into the Sanctum, the once-again horny knight headed for the opposite staircase, determined to make his sexual thoughts a reality. He froze when he heard The World's Most Annoying Voice drifting up from the stairway.

"Oh, come on, Princess... You know I'm so much better than Link..."

"Please...I'm not into birds..."

Link's eyes protruded from their sockets. He blinked, pulse suddenly intensifying as a ferocious rage gripped his heart. He crept down the long, winding staircase, peering around the curve to see Revali backing Zelda against the wall. The Rito Champion chuckled.

"...Is it the feathers? Because I assure you, those are no problem among our kind. They make things...softer..."

And what about the giant, hooked beak, you sick, feathered FREAK? Link seethed, aghast at the idea of a giant bird fucking a human girl. And the talons? You're gonna cut up Zelda when you bring out the rooster?!

"I already told you.." Zelda's voice shook. "My interests lie elsewhere..."

"Like in that pathetic knight? I see how you two look at each other... All he wants is to get under your dress. Why don't you give your attentions to a real hero, Princess, and accept that it is I who will save you from your inevitable prison with Ganon. You can thank me now by getting down on your knees and-"

He was yanked backward as Link slammed him up against a wall, tufts of blue down flying. Zelda shrieked.

"Listen, Feathers..." Link hissed, nose to beak with Revali. "Zelda's mine. Why don't you screw your own race and leave the princess alone? If I ever see you coming onto her again I will slice your beak off."

"Link, stop-!" But Zelda's warning wasn't enough to stop Revali from stabbing said beak into Link's face. The Hylian shouted, grabbing his face as blood spurted. The vengeful Rito delivered a roundhouse kick with his claw-ripping Link's tunic-and the Hylian Champion screamed as he fell down the stairs, bumping into corners, and coming to a crash at the bottom of the staircase.

"Revali!" Zelda cried. "Stop this now! I order it as your commander!"

Link groaned, wiping the blood off his eyes to see Revali descending upon him with an evil smirk. Bloodlust radiated off the Rito, ruffling his feathers. He grabbed Link off the floor, bringing him beak to nose with him. "Let's settle this, shall we?" he whispered, green eyes glinting. "Loser dies and winner gets to peck the princess forever after. You have no idea how much I've wanted to do this..."

Link socked him across his red cheek; Revali released a roar of rage as he shoved him against the wall with a sickening crack. Link unleashed his own epic roar-filled with hatred for Revali and manhood for Zelda-and tackled the six-foot tall bird to the ground. They wrangled on the floor, shrieks and curses mingling with Zelda's orgasmic screams as feathers flew and blood spew.

"Oh, LINK! REVALI! Please stop! Please stop this now!"

The Hylian Champion struggled to keep the Rito Champion on the floor and from unleashing his full potential. The bird-man was much stronger than he ever imagined. Nature won out against nurture as Revali threw Link off with his gale, spreading his wings like a bat out of hell. The force of the wind knocked Zelda off her feet and onto the stairs.

"You'll pay for that-!" Link roared on behalf of his lady love. Revali sneered, saying it was her own fault for getting into a man's fight, but that he'll make her feel better afterward. "AAARGHHH!" The Hero of Time charged, tackling into Revali with a crash.

The battle for Zelda's honor filled Link with a strength he didn't know he had. He finally succeeded in pinning Revali to the ground, hands squeezing his throat as he tried to make him pass out. The bird's eyes bulged, tongue sticking out of his beak.

"KEGH...KEGHH!"

Link thought he'd ended it-until the Rito brought a claw up and slashed deep across his abdomen, spraying bright red blood on both of them. Link grunted, tightening his grip, knowing he was no match for a Rito's natural strength and that holding on was his only chance. Revali slashed again, trying to kick Link off and the Hylian could only hope that his innards weren't falling out.

Several hands started pulling them apart as shouts were heard. General Impa and Captain Alfonzo arrived on the scene, the latter pulling Link off the bastard bird with his bulging biceps. Several Hylian soldiers held Revali back, arms under his wings.

All Link had wanted was to fuck Zelda.