Meg Cabot rocks. I think that sums up the credit enough.
A special thanks to Hot n' Exotic and Bunnylass for continuing to inspire me. This one's for you!
Only you.
This could only happen to you.
If it could happen to anyone Suze, it would happen to you.
Ever hear something so many times that you start to say the same phrases to yourself? I had heard these words and said these words so many times that they became a twisted sort of mantra.
I suppose I should explain. I, Susannah Simon, Suze to everyone except my mom and my principal, Father Dominic, have some of the worst luck. Not just your average, run of the mill bad luck. I have weird bad luck. The strangest things happen to me, thereby constituting the use of my tag line 'only you.'
Some people have fairly normal luck, with a piece of bad luck every now and then. Not me. Fate seemed to have it in for me from day one. Don't believe me? The following is a small sample of my misfortunes. It is by no means all inclusive—God, I don't have the kind of time it would take to compile that list.
1) My real name wasn't supposed to be Susannah. It was actually Margaret, which is now my middle name. My father the lawyer, who passed away when I was only 6, filled in the application for the birth certificate. You'd think having a lawyer fill out a form would pretty much seal the deal on having it filled out correctly. For anyone else it would. For me it would not. My father insisted that he was sleep deprived and that was why, upon filling out my birth certificate, he wrote the names down in the wrong order. I was called Margaret for the first 3 months of my life, until they received the birth certificate and noticed the error.
2) I fell down the stairs when I was 2 and had to go to the hospital for stitches. I came home and fell down the stairs again, necessitating another trip to the hospital for more stitches.
3) For reasons still unknown to me, I stuck a bead up my nose when I was 5. It became stuck and I was too afraid to tell my parents. It stayed up my nose until I was 6. The doctor performing my annual check up happened to notice it and set it free. Needless to say, I was banned from beadwork for some time.
4) I have been stuck in elevators throughout New York city a dozen times. I was stuck in two separate elevators on the same day.
5) When travelling to California to be with my mom and new step father, I ended up in Nova Scotia.
6) During my brief foray in the world of supermarket employment, I sliced the tip of my finger off on the meat cutter. It has since grown back. My love of deli meats has not returned.
7) I am the kid in school who has split their pants while at the front of the class.
8) My boyfriend, whom I dated for 18 months, turned out to be gay.
9) My step-brother, Brad, better known to me as Dopey, is also gay. And living with my ex-boyfriend Paul.
10) Upon finding Dopey and Paul together, I walked 3 miles home, 2 of those in bare feet. I burned my feet so badly walking on the hot cement that I couldn't walk for 2 days and hobbled for 3 more after that. (And in my defense, no I did not know that my boyfriend was gay. I mistakenly assumed that when a boy asks a girl out, he happens to like girls. This is a mistake I do not plan on making again.)
So, with this brief list, it is not difficult to see why, upon various odd occurrences arising in my day to day life, the words most spoken by me and about me are, 'only you Suze'. And it also stands to reason that if anyone could accidentally go back in time, it would be me.
