Sarah placed her folded shirts into the drawer, humming as she pushed it closed. She turned to leave the bedroom and gasped.
"Geez, Bucky. You scared the crap out of me."
He was leaning against the door frame with his head down, and his hands in his jacket pockets.
"Buck?"
Bucky walked straight into Sarah's arms and squeezed her tight. He buried his face in her neck, and Sarah knew something had gone wrong with his mission. She ran her hand over his back.
"Let's get you comfortable."
Sarah backed toward the bed, but Bucky never loosened his grip. She pushed at his jacket until he let her go. When his jacket hit the floor Sarah took his face in her hands until he looked her in the eyes, then she kissed his forehead, letting her lips linger there as she undid his jeans.
Bucky toed off his shoes, then kicked off his jeans so that he was in his boxers and t-shirt.
Sarah wrapped her arms around his shoulders as they both lay on the bed. She didn't say anything. When Bucky was this quiet, she just held him.
She stroked his hair and remembered the first time he came home this way. She had been worried sick. He didn't speak; just walked in, sat on the sofa, and stared at the floor. No matter what she said, he wouldn't move. She tugged at his clothes and his face until tears sprang to her eyes, and she buried her face in his neck and wrapped her arms around him. She sighed in relief when he held her back.
She learned quickly that this was how Bucky coped with a bad mission. He needed the quiet. She wouldn't take that from him, but she would be there for him. The way he held onto her let her know he was grateful.
She ran her fingers across his forehead, along his hairline, and down his jaw, where she left her hand. Her thumb brushed over his stubbled cheek until he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand down to his chest. He held it tight against him and took a deep breath, his face still lost in her neck.
The hand still around Bucky traced gentle circles over his back. A light touch to remind him she was still holding him completely.
As time passed, Bucky's grip loosened. He pulled away just enough to look into her eyes for a moment, long enough for her to see the unshed tears. Then he looked down.
"Five," he whispered. "I was running to them, to get them out of the way, and this... concrete wall just..."
Sarah brushed the back of her fingers over his cheek and he closed his eyes.
"Right in front of me. Five people gone."
Bucky's face was back in her neck, and he wrapped his arms around her again. Sarah ran her fingers through his hair, letting her nails lightly graze his scalp a few times. She finally tucked his hair behind his ear and kissed his head. She wrapped both arms around his shoulders and squeezed as tight as she could.
"In the war, I didn't get to come home and think about the day. We had to be focused all the time. Sometimes I think that was better. I never had the chance to focus on all the men I lost."
Sarah rubbed his back. She didn't offer any empty words of solace. She knew they wouldn't help. Past experience had proven that. She just let him grieve what he saw as his failure. A wall coming down on innocent bystanders. In his mind, it was his fault they were dead.
"I love you, Sarah."
"I love you, too."
