He'd read the words over and over again, until he knew them by heart:
Dear Robert:
By the time you get this, I should be on my way back to you, my love. I simply had to go off for a bit to think things out. I know you wouldn't have left for Port Charles if Robin hadn't called and told you Anna was in danger. It was awfully selfish of me to complain about you being away so long. I realize now you wouldn't let me come with you because you were protecting me. Those weeks you were gone, darling, they seemed like years. Resentment is a nasty thing, but that's what I felt when you did get home and, of course, that led to our misunderstanding, for which I'll be eternally sorry. What I need to do right now, is get everything in perspective. I know I'll manage it. The reason I am writing to you now, before flying off, is to tell you I love you, and I always shall. Our love is always there, and I know that, very soon, I'll be in your arms telling you all these things. Goodnight, my darling. We'll be together very soon.
Love you, love you,
Holly
He knew about the five stages of grief, and thought he'd never get past stage one: denial, which led him to search for months, until even his closest friend, Luke, abandoned him. Luke came the closest to understanding Robert's determination, as he remembered how devastated he was when Laura disappeared without a trace. Bargaining almost came hand in hand while searching the wreckage alone, praying and pleading for some sign that she was truly gone, vowing to change his life and heed her concerns more, if only he could find her alive and unharmed. But that was not to be.
He didn't even want to think about his actions during the anger stage. He absolutely destroyed the home they had built together in Australia. At first, his anger was directed toward Holly. How could she leave him alone? How was he going to make it without her? Wasn't her love for him strong enough to withstand what he felt was his duty to Robin, and by extension, Anna? That last question was like a slap in his face and finally brought him back to reality.
It has often been said that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition. He then realized that that axiom is nowhere near the truth. It requires one hundred percent commitment from both partners to make a marriage work. He had believed he was giving his "fifty percent," yet expected Holly to give a hundred. The shock of this revelation sent him into stage four: depression, which he had wrapped himself in since her death. The arrival of her letter was a signal to him that he was nearing stage five: acceptance. How could he accept her death? How was he going to get to that point? Memories of a different time, but a similar place, flooded his mind. His journey to acceptance was about to begin.
