Title: In Control
Author: Mrs. Nina Cullen
Rated: T
Genre: Romance/Drama

Note: I do not own Twilight or any of its character.
Set up - Edward has left Bella. She has gone into the forest (as per Book) but instead of being in zombie mode till January, she will come out in December when an idea occurs to her.


Chapter 1: Inspiration


I used to be my own protection / but not now

Cause my path had lost direction / some how

A black wind took you away / from sight

And held the darkness over day / that night …

So now you're gone

And I was wrong

I never knew what it was like

To be alone...

Linkin Park – Valentine's Day

Prelude: Inspiration
Bella's POV

I was lying in my bed after dinner. I hadn't heard much of what Charlie had said to me. I just tried to seem like I had been listening, so I would nod and try to answer questions if I heard them. I usually felt bad when I did that and most of the time I worried that I might agree to something I might regret. My poor father had to deal with the aftermath of what had happened.

I tried not to sleep much these days; it was harder to control my thoughts when I was sleeping. Not that it mattered much I had the same dream, with out variation, every night since that ill fated night. I shuttered at the thought of it. That was the reason I tried so hard not to think of any thing that might make the hole in my chest grow and hurt more than it already did.

I stared at the ceiling forcing my self not to think, feel or sleep. I succeeded in the first to but my body wanted to sleep, I couldn't stop it from happening. There was only two ways I knew to stop myself from sleeping altogether. Option one was to not exist anymore but if I took that option it would hurt my parents a lot more than I hurt right now and I couldn't do that to them. I wouldn't. Option two was to be one of them. I would give anything for it right now but it was no longer a viable option. So I'm stuck here in pain and unable to stop the memories from consuming my slumber.

I woke up before the sun was up like most mornings, and like every other time I woke up crying. I forced my self to get dressed and go down to eat. When I got there Charlie was still there having breakfast. He had a stack of papers sitting next to him on the table. He put down his newspaper and looked at me. He smiled at me, something was up I could tell.

"I got the applications I told you about last week." Shit, I knew not paying attention when he spoke would bit me in the ass at the end. What could I do now tell him I never hear anything he says anymore? "Sherry, the new receptionist at the station, helped me pick out some good ones." He must have seen some confusion in my face because felt the need to add. "I'm talking about College application Bella. You should really get going on submitting some before it's too late." He pushed the stack of papers in front of to me.

"Thanks dad it must have slipped my mind, sorry. I'll get on it this afternoon." He must have seen through me because ha gave me that 'yeah right' look as he got up to put his dish in the sink. "Don't worry about the dishes I'll do them when I'm done." I looked through the applications just to look interested. I saw a couple from Arizona, he probably thought I would want to be some were that was more like the home I left. There was one form Florida, close to my mom, figures. There was one from Washington not to far from here. But then there was the last one from Alaska. I wasn't sure why at that moment when I saw Alaska University written on the top of the form I felt something jump inside me.

I ate my breakfast or lack there of, then did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. When I was done I took the papers to my room and decide to do some laundry to keep myself busy so I wouldn't have time to think. Once that was going I sat in front of my computer. I hadn't responded to any of my moms emails so I thought I would do that while I did laundry. I turned on my computer and waited patiently for it to stat and load up the extremely slow internet. As I waited I saw the applications on my desk and picked them up. I knew I wasn't going to college but Charlie didn't and I didn't want to tell him, at least not yet anyways. So I decided for he's sake I would fill out them out, just enough to look like I'm trying but not enough to get in. I went through each one filling them out. A few of them I looked up on the web to see if it were difficult to get in. The last one I got to was the one in Alaska, the one that made my stomach jump. I looked up some basic information like I had for the rest. Then it hit me, why I hadn't thought of it before I wasn't sure. I remembered he had once told me that there was another "vegetarian" coven in Alaska. They were like family, cousins he said. They might know where the Cullens were. Even if he didn't love me, I knew or more I hoped that Alice still did. She was my best friend. If they didn't know were the Cullens were, maybe they would turn me. Then maybe I could find them, him. Maybe he would change his mind if I was an equal and not such a fragile human. Just Maybe.

And so my planning began.


A/N: I have re written or really rewriting this story fixing all my mistakes. Also, I'm looking for a Beta if any one is interested let me know. It shouldn't take me to long to update this story. If you have already read it I am changing a few things and adding a little more. If you haven't read than enjoy and tell me what you think.

Nina Cullen