L.13: Hello and welcome to the first episode of Forbidden Goods! A thing of comic relief! Okay…well basically me making fun of Forbidden Gods and D. Gray-Man…I thought it'd be fun to make this up! Enjoy!

ACT I- The reason why The Black Order doesn't have massage chairs

Allen: Wow! It sure is creepy down here! I wonder why your brother called us down to this forbidding and dark place, Lenalee.

Lenalee: *blinks* What brother?

Lavi: Er…Komui…? What other brother is there…?

Lenalee: ^_^ Heh, just kidding! I know EXACTLY who you're talking about…*shifty eyes*

Allen: ….Yeah so anyway, I say it's because he wants us to go on a top secret mission!

Lenalee: I think it's for tea! It's tea time.

Lavi: Mmm…I like tea…I bet it's because they finally commited Old Panda to a psycho war-

*Old-Panda-flying-kick-to-Lavi's-face-of-doom!*

Kanda: WTF?! Where did he come from?!

*Old-Panda-glare-at-Kanda-then-amble-away-of-doom!*

Lavi: Ow…my face…

Allen: You okay, Lavi?

Kanda: At least he didn't kick you in the ovaries.

*Everyone stares at Kanda in shock*

Kanda: I swear to General Cross he has 'em! *accusing finger*

Allen: Since when did my master become a cuss word…?

???: Since he doesn't ever show up for Casual Fridays. NOBODY skips out on Casual Fridays and gets away with it!

*Everyone yells profanities and generally panicks*

Komui: Relax, kiddies! It's just me! Lenalee's brother!

Lenalee: *blinks* Brother? What brother?

Komui: *exasperated sigh* I knew shoving you in that oversized Easy-Bake Oven was a bad idea but nooooo….! Reever had to go and say it was all in the name of science!

Allen: So why're we here, Komui?

Kanda: To get some.

*Everyone stares at Kanda in shock*

Lavi: I have duct tape.

Komui: Good. Use it. I'll explain the basic plot line and set up the story for this crappy generic, and slightly Sue-ish romance nove-

*In a sudden, "unheard of" turn of events, Komui is embedded with a pencil that reads 'Property of LLL13' in his general kidney area*

Komui: Oh Cross!

Allen: …Yeah so anyway, wanna tell us what we're doing down here?

Komui: *pulls pencil out* Gaaah…! We need you to track down this supernatural chick that'll make our side invincible. But beware her blue eyes!

Lenalee: Wuuuuaaaaayyyy…..? (Why?)

Lavi: *stops duct taping Kanda's mouth to stare at Lenalee* …Yeah the Easy-Bake Oven definitely wasn't a good move, chief.

Komui: Shut up. I didn't have coffee that morning. Anyway, beware the blue eyes!

Allen: Why? She'll steal your soul?

Kanda: *tears off duct tape* she'll rape you?

Lavi: *claps hand over Kanda's mouth* She'll turn you into a zombie?

Lenalee: *blinks* Brother? What brother?

Komui: Worse. She'll give you a massage chair! *opens door* And this is what happens when she gives you a massage chair!

*Everyone gasps in horror as they behold several zombies eating a screaming individual*

Lavi: Oh…Oh my Cross…I mean, I always knew massage chairs were forbidden but…

Lenalee: *hurls*

*Reever randomly pops up next to Komui*

Reever: Apparently the massage chair agitates your brainwaves with constant jiggling and so you resort to cannibal-

Komui: *shoves Reever in towards the zombies* YourMAMAneverlovedyouandyou'! *slams the door and locks it*

*Everyone stands in silence and listens to poor Reever scream*

Allen: …yeah so anyway…

~Chapter 7 coming soon!~