Once upon a time, 2034, in Australia, lived three little rippers. Well,
they weren't really "little" but it kind of makes the story sound a bit
nicer, don't you think? Anyway, I digress. The rippers were a gang of
genetically-engineered mutant kangaroo men, who were created by Johnny
Prophet, to fight in a war. But the war was over and Prophet was told to
poison the rippers so that they wouldn't be of any threat to W&P, the most
powerful company on earth. But Johnny loved his little rippers so he taught
them religion and gave them freedom. Later, the rippers teamed up with Tank
Girl and Jet Girl to rip W&P to the ground, thus saving the world.
Anyway...
Tank, Jet, and newly aquired crew members: Stevie, Barney, and Sub Girl all
went off on a drinking binge. So, the rippers were left at their subgate
hide-out with only a note that said "dear mutants, we've gone to get pissed
out of our minds. see ya, Tank Girl... P.S. Booga, keep away from my vacuum
attachments!"
This really angered the rippers because they considered themselves part of
the crew, even though the crew was often rude and obnoxious to them. So,
there you have it. DeeTee, Donner, and Booga decided that they were tired
of hanging around underground, that they didn't even need to anymore since
Kesslee was dead, and so they decided that they would go out and build
their own community. DeeTee was really creative seeing as he was a famous
poet reincarnated, Donner had lots of technological intuition having been
reincarnated from Ted Smith - a mechanic from Cleveland, Ohio. And Booga,
well...Booga used to be a dog in his past life..so...yeah...
After they had packed all their belongings, and Booga stole a few vacuum
attachments, they headed out of their underground home. They walked for
days through the desert looking for the perfect place to set up their
homes. Finally they found a shady place with an oasis, so they would have
water supplied. Donner started setting up his equipment immediately. He had
drawn up blueprints during the evenings when they would stop and camp for
the night. He had dragged about a ton of twisted, tossed, abandoned steel
behind him, and he had picked some spare parts up along the way. So, he
started building his steel home. DeeTee, though admiring Donner's spirit,
didn't want to live in "a rigid, cold, no-feelings-at-all house", so he set
off about 100 meters away building a clever hut. He used bones of devoured
and abandoned animals, palm trees, rope, leather, and lined the inside with
all of his poetry. He was satisfied with his more natural approach to his
home.
Finally, Booga woke up from his beer binge and looked around. First he went
knocking on Donner's door.
"Hey, Donner, I was like sleeping and then I sort of woke up, and like then
next I saw your house that you built and stuff and like can I live at your
house then?" he stuttered.
"Noway, Booga, you go build your own house. I'm planning on having big ass
orgies and stuff here and you're not invited, dude." Donner told him as he
slammed the door in his face. Booga's ears lowered and twitched as he
clutched his tail for comfort.
"Okay, then, Donner...Thanks...uh..yeah..Thanks." he said to Donner's door
and he shuffled away, stung by his friend's rejection. Then he saw DeeTee
sitting on the roof of his hut playing the bongos and chanting a poem. He
bounced over gleefully to greet DeeTee.
"Uh, hey, DeeTee! Uh, can I stay at um.. your place? I saw Donner but he-
he- well," Booga's ears twitched a little more as he looked down.
"Come on, Booga, you've got ta learn to do things on your own, man! How are
you ever going to get respect if you're always livin' off of someone else
all the time? --Hey, wait a minute...I think I'm writing a poem about
this..."
Oh desperate ripper! Oh drunken badger! Oh dental floss you stick in my
teeth! ..."
Booga hopped off toward the oasis and looked at his reflection. He thought
about what materials he had to work with. He looked at his stuff which
included, three vacuum attachments, a purse full of marbles, and about
10,000 beer cans. So, he started stacking the beer cans, and later than
sooner, he had built himself the world's first beer can igloo. By the time
he had finished, it was dark, so he scurried into his igloo and fell asleep
to the sound of DeeTee's bongo.
The next morning he awoke to the sound of an explosion. He sat up directly
and twitched his ears to hear better. Then he stuck his head out the
doorway.
"Rebeka! You foul beast!" DeeTee cried out as his hut was blown about
25,000 meters away.
Tank Girl sat in her recliner on top of her tank and laughed. "I'm a foul
beast? At least I ain't no mutant manimal who smells like his own shit!"
she laughed some more. Booga could see Jet Girl hovering above watching the
massacre, Sub Girl had tunneled up through the oasis and was watching
through a window, Stevie was relieving himself near a palm tree, and Barney
was picking her teeth with one of the bones that had formerly been part of
DeeTee's hut. "Where the FUCK are my VACUUM attachments? HUH? I know one of
you stinky kangaroos haz 'em! I bet they're all stopped up with Kangaroo
pubes!!" she spat. Then she took aim at Donner's house. "Donner, you fuck!
do you have them?" He ran out of the house.
"NO, TANK GIRL! DON'T DESTROY MY HOUSE! I JUST INSTALLED A SATELITE DISH!"
he yelled as he ran toward the tank.
"Nowhere in that sentence did I hear the words Vacuum Attachments." she
said as she pulled the trigger. *BLAM!POW!CRASH!* steel flew everywhere!
Donner fell to his knees and groaned.
"Tank! You know very well that Booga took your attachments!" he screamed at
her in anger. Booga ducked back into his igloo and chewed on his tail
anxiously.
"HOLY SHIT! Jet, Sub! Look at Booga's igloo! It's a masterpiece! A work of
ART! The best idea I've ever seen! Now that's what I call recycling your
beer cans!" she hopped down from her tank and crunched across the littered
sand toward his igloo. "BOOGA! GETCHER ASS OUT HERE NOW!" she yelled.
Slowly, he crept out of the igloo and started to stutter an excuse. But
before he could, she snogged him. Good and hard, just layed into his mouth
with her tongue...his tail shot into the air (and that wasn't the only part
of his body to do so). "I just got one question for ya, Booga...Do you have
my vacuum attachments?" He nodded at her silently, dumbstruck from the
kiss. "I thought so, come with me, you naughty manimal!" They entered the
beer can igloo and she stuck her head out to see Stevie, Sub, Jet, Barney,
DeeTee, and Donner all staring at her, she stuck a fag in her mouth and lit
it, releasing a puff of smoke. "I don't want any of you perverts coming in
here, unless you wanna join in! You got that?!" They all nodded dumbly, a
few of them shuddered. "Damn, Booga, This place is making me almost as
horny as my tank!" she said as they slammed the door behind them. Later
that night, as the crew sat around a campfire, they could hear the low
rumble of a vacuum sweeper in the distance.
The End
by dani darko
The End
by dani darko
