Kim Possible belongs to Disney and no copyright infringement is intended.
This story comes from the pairing request challenge at Zaratan's forums, though this is not officially part of it. It was requested by Alexander – Godslayer who in turn will write a Monkey Fist/DNAmy fic for me.
As the summary implies, there won't be any Kim/Yori content right away. I want to set the scene before getting to the best parts.
ONE MOMENT TO DAWN
Chapter 1
Kim had opened the door expecting it to be a random salesman or maybe someone asking around for charity. There really weren't that many people who would just suddenly appear at her doorstep like this. At first she hadn't even recognised the Japanese woman that stood before her, dressed in a dark green winter jacket and her black hair sprinkled with fresh snow. When realisation had suddenly hit her, she hadn't known how to react.
"Yori…" she said in stunned stupor. "What are you doing here?"
"May I come in?" Yori asked. There was a fresh blush on her face, probably the result of having taken the stairs to the seventh floor. There was no elevator in the house in which Kim lived.
Without a word, Kim opened the door wider and stepped aside to let the other woman in. She took her time as she closed the door again and wondered just what she was getting herself into. She certainly hadn't expected to see Yori again in her life. Not after what had happened on the day of Ron's funeral.
She watched how the pine box was lowered to the hole in the ground, but she wasn't really aware of what was happening. She didn't take part at throwing dirt at the coffin; she didn't hear how the rabbi recited El Maleh Rachamim. None of this had anything to do with her, or Ron. She was just having a horrible nightmare that would end any second now.
That thought was all that had kept Kim together during the funeral. If she couldn't believe that none of this was real, she didn't really have much to believe in at all. Her knuckles were white and hurting from her clenching her fists so much, but she welcomed the pain and much more. It would help her wake up.
"Kim, let's go," someone whispered into her hear. She could feel a hand on her shoulder guide her somewhere. When she blinked and forced herself to concentrate on the moment, she realised that it was her mother. It was time to form the lines for greeting the mourning family members.
She had wanted to learn the proper traditional condolence in Hebrew. The words were all over her mind and she knew she would never forget them. Yet she couldn't bring herself to join the others. When Ron's parents passed her, she lowered her eyes in shame.
She had no idea how it had ended like this. It had been a routine mission for her and Ron; they had been called in to stop one of those random new villains who had popped up after the two of them had started college. They had put their homework aside for the moment and jumped at the chance of getting a break from studying.
Ron had said that after they were done, he'd take her to the movies to see Mind-bender Zombies from Outer Space XII.
And she had – No, she didn't even want to recall what she had thought about that.
The villain they were out to stop had his lair built atop a tall mountain in Canada. Wade had told them that the best way to get inside unnoticed was by climbing the almost vertical wall to reach the backdoor. It was just simple routine, so neither of them was expecting anything to go wrong.
"Oh, man. Why can't villains ever build their secret hideouts to places that are easier to reach?" Ron moaned.
"I guess they wouldn't be secret hideouts then," Kim said, but her mind wasn't really on what Ron was saying. She had spent the past few weeks agonizing over thoughts that were making her feel guilty and uneasy, and she had finally come to a decision just before Wade had told them about the mission.
"Hey, I think something's – Aah!"
"Ron!"
Even before she had fully realised that Ron had slipped, Kim felt the powerful jerk of the rope that connected them to each other. She was barely able to keep her hold of the mountain wall steady as she tried to stop them both from falling.
"Sorry, KP. I'll get right back up," Ron said and tried to swing himself back towards the wall.
Then there was that click.
Kim fired her grappling gun only a fraction of a second later after the lock that connected the rope to Ron's belt opened and sent her boyfriend falling again. It should have reached him in time, but Kim never felt another jerk or heard Ron's nervous chuckle about how close it had been.
When Ron's scream finally ended, all that was left was an eerie silence and her own frantic breathing in her ears.
"Kim, can you hear me?" she heard her mother ask. Kim knew her mother had given her something to calm her down, probably to stop her from crying her eyes out at the funeral.
"Yeah, I'm okay," she replied.
"Your father will take you home. I'll stay here for a while," her mother said.
"No! I want to be here, too," Kim said.
Her mother shook her head with a worried frown on her face. "You can say your condolences tomorrow. They'll be sitting in mourning for a few days," she said.
"But I should be there," Kim insisted, though she wasn't really sure about that. Ron wouldn't be there, so was there any point in going? She'd just be a horrible reminder to his parents about what they had lost and why they had lost it. Their only son was dead, and it was all the fault of one Kim Possible.
"Don't worry. Nobody is expecting you to be strong now," her mother told her.
Kim said nothing more, only followed her father to the car. She barely noticed how he tried to smile encouragingly at her or how the scenery flashed past them as they drove home. All she could think about was how Ron hadn't responded when she had called out his name and what his body had looked like when she had found him.
"It's all going to be better. Trust me, Kimmie-cub," her father said when he stopped the car at their front yard.
"How?" Kim asked. "Ron's dead. And it's all because of me!"
"Don't say that. Nobody's blaming you. There was nothing you could have done," her father said in a stern voice, reaching out to wrap his arms around her shoulders.
Kim leaned gratefully against him and momentarily let herself let go of the torment and enjoy the comfort. "I could have stopped it!" she cried between the sobs that made her body shiver.
Her father tightened his hold on her. "Shh. Don't think about it," he whispered into her ear.
But Kim couldn't think about anything else. She knew it had been her fault that Ron had died; she should have been more careful and done something. She shouldn't have become distracted. They had faced and survived so many worse dangers in their lives that it just wasn't fair that a stupid malfunctioning belt would kill him.
She was barely aware how her father carried her up to her room and laid her down on her bed.
"You should sleep a little. Everything will turn out alright," he said. He sat with her for a while, but got up and returned downstairs when Kim drifted off to a bothered sleep.
She woke up to hear faint noise coming from downstairs. Her father was talking to someone. She didn't really care who it was, not in this situation, but she found she couldn't go back to sleep. Her head felt like someone had poured glue into her ears, and her mouth tasted horrible. She could barely swallow, so she reached out for the glass of water on her nightstand.
"I'm not sure if it's a good idea to see her today. She's very upset, which she has every right to be," her father was saying.
"I understand, but I will be leaving the country today evening. I was only here for Stoppable-san's funeral," the guest said.
Yori! Kim froze in the middle of lifting the glass to her lips. She hadn't noticed her at the funeral, but that wasn't so surprising. She had noticed barely anything. Of course it made sense that Yori would come to Ron's funeral, though Kim had to wonder who had told her about it. As was tradition, Ron had been buried as soon as possible after his death.
Maybe Wade had done it. Kim had been in too much shock to even remember that Yori existed, but she didn't have it in her to feel guilty about that now.
What could Yori want from her? They had barely been in touch after the Yono incident, and they had never become close friends.
As if her father had read her thoughts, his next question was exactly that. "Why do you want to talk to Kim anyway? I don't really even know you," he said in a defensive tone. Kim realised that her father would probably throw himself in front of a tank right now to keep her safe from any more hurt.
"I mean no harm," Yori assured. "I only want to talk."
Kim put the glass away and slid her feet to the floor without a sound. Something had been in her mind for a good while now. This wasn't the sitch in which she wanted to have her fears confirmed, but she got the feeling that if she didn't do it now, she would never have the courage to do so.
"I think talk could hurt her the most right now. I really have to ask you to --" her father was saying just as Kim popped her head outside her room.
"Hey, Yori," she said, wincing inwardly at how raspy her voice sounded.
"Kim Possible," Yori greeted her.
"I heard you were talking. Come in," Kim offered.
Her father shot a worried look at her. "Are you sure about that, honey? You don't have to see anyone if you don't want to," he said.
Kim tried to smile. "I know, dad. It's okay. Yori is a friend."
"Well, alright, but take it easy. You've been through a lot," her father said. He kept looking at the two of them with a concerned frown. Kim was certain that he would be standing close by to run to her rescue if she suddenly needed anything. As if she had to fear anything from Yori.
"You said you wanted to talk," she said.
"Yes. I am very sorry about what happened. Stoppable-san was a hero; he did not deserve to die that way," Yori said, her voice laced with regret.
"Yeah, I know," Kim said, turning her eyes away as the familiar feeling of regret and shame washed over her. Wade had probably filled Yori in on what had happened. The ninja had to hate her and think she was the worst sort of amateur and traitor in the world.
Yori frowned at the pained look on Kim's face. "I'm sorry if my words wound you. I did not come here to make your sorrow worse," she said.
"It's okay. It's just that… I'm really not in the mood for friendly chitchat right now."
"I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, you can place your trust in me," Yori said.
"What is there to talk about? Ron is gone," Kim said. She didn't mean to sound as snappy as she did, but Yori didn't seem to mind her iron tone. She sat in silence for a moment and then sighed.
"Maybe you're now hurting too much. But if you need me in the future, I'll be there," Yori promised.
Kim shot a suspicious look at her. "And what about you? You're taking this awfully well," she said.
Now Yori couldn't quite keep the emotion away from her face, but Kim couldn't tell if the brief wince was one of sorrow or just surprise. She hadn't expected Yori to be crying her eyes out, but the ninja was acting like nothing had happened. Didn't she understand that Ron was dead? Her Ron!
"I have my own way of dealing with pain, Kim Possible. Stoppable-san's death has hurt me deeply, make no mistake about that," Yori said. She didn't sound offended or condescending, but that only made Kim feel even more annoyed at her. Did she have to be that perfect and calm?
"Yeah, actually that's what I wanted to talk about," she said.
"What do you mean?" Yori asked.
Kim flipped her hair behind her shoulder and gave Yori a stern look. This had been in her mind for so long lately that she just had to know it. If the answer was what she was expecting, it would probably only make her feel more guilty, but she couldn't go on without learning the truth.
"Did you love Ron?" she asked.
Yori's eyes widened and she shifted on the chair, but she quickly got her feelings under control again.
"When we battled Monkey Fist that time, I told you I had nothing against you two being together. That never changed," she assured her.
"That's not what I meant. Did you love him?" Kim insisted.
"I don't think it is appropriate to discuss that at a time like this. Maybe I should go," Yori said. She already got up and took the first step towards the door, but Kim grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"Yori, I need to know," she said.
Yori tilted her head slightly to the side. "Why?" she asked. "Is there any purpose in it?"
"I… It's something that's been on my mind. I have a few things that I need to come to terms with. Don't ask," Kim replied, letting go of Yori's arm.
"And you're asking me to reveal my most guarded secrets without telling me why?"
"Please." Kim did her best to ignore the guilt she felt at Yori's accusing tone. She already felt like the worst person in the world. She didn't need any more of that.
Yori sighed. "Alright. I cannot say I understand how this will help you, but maybe you know better. Yes, I did love him. I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone," she said.
Kim thought she had been force-fed the bitterest poison in the world. She tried to swallow the painful lump in her throat, but it only helped to intensify the illusion that she was about to choke on her own breath. She had known Yori would say this, but it didn't make it any easier. How cruel she had been all those years.
"Then why didn't you fight for him? Why did you just step aside?" she asked, staring into Yori's dark eyes and pleading for a good answer.
There was the faintest sad smile playing on Yori's lips. "Stoppable-san chose you. It was my honour to respect that," she said.
Kim felt tears burn in her eyes. "That's crap!" she snapped, making Yori take a startled gasp. "You should have done something! If you had made Ron change his mind, maybe he would have gone with you to Japan! Look what happened to him when he stuck with me!"
She wiped her eyes, angry and a little ashamed that she was letting Yori see her like that. She wasn't supposed to appear weak, no matter what the sitch was. When she turned to look at her guest again, she saw only stunned confusion on her face.
"But it wasn't your fault. It was an accident," Yori said.
"It shouldn't have happened! How many times did I save him before? That was so basic… it's just… I don't make mistakes like that! I'm better than that!" Kim had to turn away from Yori to hide her face; she couldn't let her see how upset she really was. It was like she had been turned back into a child who just couldn't control her emotions.
"Nobody is perfect. You did everything you could to save him," Yori said softly.
Kim hated, no, she loathed that understanding and sympathetic voice.
"Can't at least you hate me?" she asked.
"Why would you want me to do that?"
"Because that's what I deserve! At first I took Ron away from you, and then I let him die! You should hate me! Everybody should hate me, but you're all acting so understanding. Just tell me you hate me," Kim pleaded. She ran her hands through her hairs and didn't even try to hold back the sobs anymore. Her vision was too blurred by her tears to see much, but she could hear how Yori stood up.
She was expecting her to say share some comforting eastern mysticism with her, so she was actually stunned when she heard the vicious tone in Yori's voice.
"Why? So that you could feel less guilty, Kim Possible? That could you feel you're receiving the treatment you think you deserve? That's not something I can help you with. You have to deal with this yourself," she said.
"I don't want to," Kim cried. She had betrayed Ron in the worst possible way. How could she ever live with that? "I just want Ron back."
"So do I, but it will not happen. You will have to learn to accept this and show that Stoppable-san didn't fall in love with you for nothing," Yori said.
"Get lost!"
Kim grabbed her pillow and hurled it at Yori who easily dodged it. She turned and walked to the door but stopped to glance back before opening it.
"I hope you are feeling better when we meet again," she said.
At that moment Kim decided that she never wanted to see Yori again. Maybe she could have dealt with her if Yori hadn't loved Ron, but now she didn't even want to think about her. She grabbed her Pandaroo and clutched the stuffed toy in her arms as she cried. She really had stolen Ron from her in every way and what good had it done to anyone?
Kim tried to put up a brave face and continue her studies at Middleton Community College to make others stop worrying about her, but in private all she did was sit curled up on her bed, think about Ron, look at old photos of them and cry. She didn't feel like keeping in touch with her friends. Monique had called her almost every day for the past few weeks, but even she grew tired when Kim didn't answer. Kim was just glad Monique was in Paris because otherwise her friend would have no doubt come to smack some sense into her head.
Whenever someone else tried to reach out to her, she made some excuse. Sometimes she told them she was going to a party or out with some friend or even that she had to study, but no matter how good the lies were, she suspected that they all knew the truth.
She sent her Kimmunicator and all gadgets back to Wade. She would never go on another mission again in her life. It didn't feel right without Ron, and how could anyone even trust her when she had failed her boyfriend that badly? She also closed down her website so that she wouldn't have to deal with any of it.
Her family wasn't that easy to fool. Though the Tweebs were starting their first year in college in the west, they kept hacking into her computer and sending her messages that reminded her to get out more and cheer up. Kim didn't want to make them worried, so she tried to reply to her brothers somewhat regularly.
One evening there was a knock at her door. Kim got up from her bed and shoved the photo book under her pillow, quickly wiping her eyes to make herself look presentable.
"Yeah?" she called out.
"Kim, it's me. Can I come in?" her mother asked.
"I'm studying," Kim said.
"I think you can put your books aside for a while. We need to talk."
Kim cringed but knew there was little she could do about that. She tried to blink to get rid of the misty look in her eyes and hoped that her mother wouldn't say anything about it. She had talked about Ron and the final mission so much that she just couldn't take it anymore.
Dr. Anne Possible entered the room and came to sit at the end of Kim's bed. She lifted her brows a little at her daughter's looks, but thankfully didn't make an issue out of it.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" Kim asked, trying to feign innocence.
Her mother gave her a stern look. "Honey, I think you know," she said.
She waited a while, but Kim said nothing.
"You can't go on like this, Kim. You have to stop hurting yourself," her mother said.
"I don't know what you mean. I'm doing fine. My studies are going really well," Kim said.
"Perhaps a little too well. Your father and I think that you're spending too much time cooped up in your room. It's not good for you, and it pains us to see you wither like this," her mother said.
Kim turned her eyes away as she felt another pang of guilt. She hadn't meant to make anyone worried about her, but she didn't know how they could just expect her to go back to her old life like nothing had happened. Everything had changed, and she knew she would never get used to it or accept it.
"I know you miss Ron," her mother said gently. "We all do. But it's not going to get any better if you don't let it to."
"It's not going to get better anyway!" Kim snapped.
"Kim…"
"Things can't go back like they were. Not without Ron!"
"No, but you can still enjoy life. Ron wouldn't want you to live like this," her mother said.
Kim felt like rolling her eyes at the oldest cliché in the book, but she didn't want to upset her mother. She was only trying to help her, and deep down Kim knew that everything her mother said had a point. It was just that she wasn't sure if she even wanted to try. It felt so pointless.
"I want him back," was all that she managed to whisper. If she could only live that day a second time, she would have done everything differently. They wouldn't have gone on that mission. She would have told Ron what was on her mind.
"Oh, Kimmie," her mother said. She opened her arms to offer her daughter a comforting embrace, but Kim didn't move from her spot.
"The pain will never go away, but you'll learn to live with it. You'll just have to try," Dr. Possible continued.
"How can ask that of me, mom? Everything here reminds me of Ron. I can't stay in my room or walk out of it without being reminded of him all the time. There isn't anything in Middleton that doesn't make me think of him," Kim said. She grabbed one of her pillows and punched it in the middle.
"You don't need to forget him. You probably feel that it's never going to happen, but one day you'll be able to think about him without it hurting so much," her mother said.
"Somehow I doubt that," Kim muttered to the pillow, but deep down she knew that it was true.
She lived the whole year in a blur, concentrating so much on her studies that she barely had time for anything else. Though she no longer went on missions, she kept herself in shape, mostly because the heavy exercise let her concentrate on her body and forget how much she missed Ron. Slowly but surely, she got a hold of her life again and could go out and enjoy the things she had liked before. She didn't forget about the pain and longing for a single moment, but it turned into an aching numbness that she could almost deal with.
Her parents were concerned about her, and Kim guessed that they thought she wasn't alright even if everything seemed to be okay. She knew they kept asking the questions and urging her to go out more only because they loved her, but it didn't stop her from growing angry at them every now and then.
Monique came to visit her for Christmas, but it was a very awkward meeting that left Kim feeling guilty and disheartened. Her friend had tried everything to make her feel better, but neither of them had known how to act around each other. It was very much the same with everyone else. When she went out to the store, familiar faces looked at her in pity. At first she had only turned away, but after a while she had felt rage start to bubble inside her.
Exactly why did everyone think it was their business how she felt? Did they honestly thing she would go back to her old life like nothing had happened? And as soon as she was angry, it was so much easier to forget that everyone was only worried about her. It felt much better to think that they only wanted her to forget so that they could forget and go back to their lives like Ron had never existed.
She stopped to adjust her ponytail; it always got a little out of control when she was jogging. It was Saturday morning so early that most people were still asleep, but that was fine with Kim. She liked these crisp mornings that enabled her to be alone and free of everything. It was so therapeutic to run through the park without having people wonder why she was in such a hurry.
The fact was that her jogging was more like sprinting to the point of exhaustion. It was only when her muscles were starting to ache and her lungs burn in desperate need for more oxygen that she was able to push the outside world and her hurt away from her mind and only be aware of her body.
She was about to resume her workout, but then she realised where she had stopped. It was the farthest corner of the park where there weren't any benches, so few people ever came there. A large maple tree had stood looming there for as long as Kim could remember. She and Ron had often sat under it as children, especially when they had wanted to share secrets that they never wanted to reveal to anyone.
Kim sat down on the moist grass and leaned her back against the tree. When she closed her eyes, she could almost sense Ron there beside her.
"Hey, KP! Take a look at this!" little Ron said and showed her his hands that were clasped together, clearly hiding something inside.
Kim tilted her head in curiosity. "What's in there?"
"That's a secret!" Ron couldn't hide his excitement from his best friend. His face was almost split by a massive grin, and his eyes were shining so brightly that whatever he was holding in his hands had to be something spectacular, at least for him. Kim wasn't always so enthusiastic about the same things.
"Well, can't you show me?" she asked.
"Okay, but you have to promise you won't ever tell anyone!" Ron said.
"I promise."
"Swear to the sacred maple tree, KP. Otherwise it won't mean a thing."
Kim couldn't help but giggle. "I swear to the sacred maple tree and my Pandaroo."
"Ooh, that's nice. Okay, so take a look."
Ron slowly lifted his other hand and revealed what he was holding. Kim didn't know what she had been expecting, but the truth still was somewhat of a disappointment.
"A nail?" she asked doubtfully, but Ron wasn't at all bothered by her tone.
"Uh-huh."
"Just a nail?"
"Not just a nail. This happens to be the very first nail that my dad is going to use when he starts building my new tree house!" Ron announced.
"Your dad is building you a tree house! Cool!" Kim couldn't help getting excited herself. She loved climbing in trees and making daring jumps from one branch to another, but her parents had said they would never have a tree house in their garden. Her twin brothers, though only a couple of years old, were already causing enough semi-catastrophic mishaps.
"We can start our own club! Just the two of us. We can read comics and eat tacos forever!" Ron declared.
Kim wiped her eyes as she recalled the memory, angry at herself that she had let her emotions get the better of her again. Just thinking about Ron made her heart ache so much that she almost wished it would have stopped beating. Would she ever be able to think about everything they had shared without feeling this terrible pain?
She didn't want to get up and leave her spot under the tree, but she knew her parents would soon start wondering what was taking so long. It was also time to leave now if she wanted to make it before happy couples and families with small children came to enjoy the park. Right now she didn't feel up to facing any of them.
I can't go on like this, she thought to herself. Was she really so weak that she couldn't go out to the park without some memory making her cry? Would she be like that for the rest of her life, always clinging onto Ron's memory and being emotionally handicapped?
"That's not how I want to live," she muttered, a scowl forming on her face as the old spark of stubbornness and fighting spirit flared up inside her.
She would never forget Ron, and she would never stop loving him, but she could at least try to deal. To do that, she would have to take matters into her own hands. She continued her jogging, enjoying the rhythm of her steps as a plan started to take shape in her head.
