Hello all and welcome to my newest fanfic! A Snow White Parody that was inspired by a Scrubs parody fanfic! (all credit given for inspiration) Now, there weren't enough dwarves to come up with from the show, so I just made 3 dorks/dwarves.
Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own How I Met Your Mother. All credit goes to Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.
Once upon a time, in New Fairytale City, there once lived a young princess named Snow Lily. She lived with her wicked stepmother, a queen who was also a witch. She was known throughout the land as just The Queen. She hated Snow Lily immensely and wanted her dead, not just because she was next in line for the throne if her father died, but she had such great beauty and everyone loved her no matter what.
Snow Lily was sweet, she was always helping the young children of the kingdom. She was known as a great teacher and a good friend. She sang and played with the children. The parents loved her, as well. They were always inviting her over for dinner and she would teach them how to make arts and crafts.
The Queen, an middle aged woman with curly blonde hair, horn-rimmed glasses, and wore a long purple gown. She never let the villagers wear purple because it was a status symbol. Only the rich, powerful, and royalty were allowed the wear purple.
One day, she walked up to her magic mirror, who had a face and was talkative.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," chanted The Queen. "Who's the fairest of them all?"
The mirror spoke. "The fairest of them all is Snow Lily," and showed a vision of Snow Lily, picking flowers in a field. "She is kind and graceful, no wicked spirit."
The Queen growled angrily. "She will NOT be the fairest of them all!" she screamed. "Scooter! Where is that oaf Scooter?"
"Here I am!" called a voice. A tall man with brown hair ran into the chamber. He curtsied. "What can I do for you?"
"Scooter, I need you to do me a favor," The Queen commanded. She handed Scooter a red velvet box that had a sword through a heart as a lock. "I need you to kill Snow Lily and bring me her heart in this box as proof that she's dead!"
Scooter gasped in horror. He was in love with Snow Lily and had gone to school with her. "I shall do no such thing!"
"Then let it be off with your head!" yelled the Queen.
"No, no, it's okay!" stammered Scooter, taking the box from the Queen. "I'll do it! Just don't hurt me!"
The Queen nodded in satisfaction. "Now go!" she demanded.
Scooter ran out of the chamber, horrified.
Hours later, Snow Lily ended up walking into a nearby forest. She had a full basket of flowers.
"I think I'll give these flowers to the children in my class," Snow Lily said to herself as she walked happily through the forest.
Suddenly, she heard the wind blowing through the trees and leaves rustling. Snow Lily looked around. That was when Scooter showed up on a horse, carrying a bow and arrow.
"Scooter?" Snow Lily asked in confusion.
Scooter purposely shot at Snow Lily and missed her. Snow Lily screamed and started to run, dropping her basket of flowers on the ground. The horse stepped on the flowers running after Snow Lily. The trees snagged on Snow Lily's cloak, pulling it off as she ran.
"Why are you doing this?" cried Snow Lily as she continued to run. That was when she tripped on an root that was sticking out and she fell.
Scooter stopped in front of her and he pulled out a sword and held it to the air. Snow Lily was too scared to even stand up. Then, he dropped the sword. Snow Lily stared at him in confusion.
"I can't do this!" Scooter said shakily. "The Queen wants me to kill you because you're prettier than her, but I can't do it! I love you too much! Just do yourself a favor and run away, as fast as you can. Don't look back, just keep going!"
"So you're not going to kill me?" squeaked Snow Lily.
"No, my dear Snow Lily, now go!" Scooter said as he covered his eyes and pointed south towards the end of the forest.
Snow Lily stood up and began to run again. She ran and ran and ran until her feet started to ache.
"Ugh, why did I wear these flats?" groaned Snow Lily as she walked as her feet marched forward.
Her beautiful pink and white dress was torn and dirty, her dyed-brown hair a mess and her headband was out of place. Her arms were smudged with dirt from the fall. She was tired, but she had to keep going.
"So hungry..." Snow Lily said to herself as her stomach growled.
That was when she spotted a small cottage in the distance. Snow Lily's eyes widened in happiness.
"Ooh, maybe there's food there!" she said in a hopeful voice as she began to run again with a smile on her face.
Her feet ran faster down the grassy hill. Too fast for Snow Lily to keep up with. That was when she tripped again and tumbled down the hill.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, rolling down the hill until she hit the white picket fence. "OW! SONOFABITCH!"
She stood up and rubbed her back. She walked over to the door, which she noticed was about five inches shorter than she was. She knocked on it.
"Hello?" she called. "Anyone home? I'm lost and hungry and my bitchy stepmother wants me deeeaaaaddd!"
Snow Lily knocked harder. This time, the door creaked open. She ducked inside and saw that it was dark and messy. There was a couch that looked like a fat recliner chair and the recliner chair looked like it belonged to a child. The living room was littered with papers and a small desk and chair was in the corner that had crumpled papers all around it and drawings of houses on the desk. Snow Lily walked into the kitchen and saw a table with four small chairs next to a medium sized refrigerator and stove.
"Why is everything so tiny?" Snow Lily asked herself as she walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. She was relieved to find normal sized food. "Oh good, at least the food isn't tiny."
Snow Lily continued to explore the place. She noticed there was a bedroom that had three twin-sized beds but they were all short. One bed said "Ted", another said "Barney", and the last one said "Robin" on the headboards. She giggled to herself until she noticed the room itself was dirty.
"Ew!" she said to herself. The beds were unmade (except for Barney's bed) and she noticed clothes were strewn everywhere. She looked inside the closet and found at least thirty to fifty mini-suits hanging (which Snow Lily also giggled at).
So Snow Lily picked up a broom and began to sweep the floors, which were very dusty. After sweeping all the floors, she grabbed a mop and bucket, filled the bucket with soapy water, and began to mop the floors. She washed the dishes, cleaned the counters in the kitchen, wiped off the stove, threw all the loose clothes into a hamper bin, and made the beds.
When she was done cleaning, Snow Lily peeked inside the refrigerator again and looked around to see what she could find. She noticed some carrots, onions, some celery, and a chunk of beef. She chopped up the vegetables and cut up the meat. Next, she went to the pantry and grabbed whatever spices she could find along with some flour. She covered the meat chunks in flour and fried them up in the pan until they were browned. She threw everything into a large pot of water and threw in spices, seasoning to her liking. After that, Snow Lily snacked on some string cheese she found in the fridge, as well.
"There we go!" she said happily as she took a step back and took a good look at her work. That was when she yawned. "I'm so tired, now...all that running around..."
She walked over to the bedrooms and lied down on Ted's bed, curled up, and fell asleep...
The sun set for the day, and a small Ted, Barney, and Robin were all walking through the forest, tired after a long day of working.
"I'm so gonna bang that one chick..." Barney said out loud.
"Barney, she's a person of normal height," said Ted. "No one's gonna want to have sex with a midget."
"We're dwarves!" shouted Barney.
Robin rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's just go home and order some takeout," she suggested.
The two men crossed their arms and walked behind Robin. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks and Barney and Ted bumped into her.
"What gives?" asked Barney.
"I think there's someone in our house," Robin said quietly as she took careful steps towards their house.
The lights to the house were on and smoke was coming out of the chimney.
"Be very-" Ted said until Barney cut him off and charged towards the house.
"CHAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGEEEE!" Barney yelled.
"BARNEY, YOU IDIOT!" Ted and Robin yelled as they ran after him.
Barney busted through the front door and stopped in his tracks. "Oh my God, we've been robbed!" he yelled.
Ted and Robin ran in and stared at the place.
"It looks like they cleaned it," Ted said in astonishment.
Robin sniffed the air. She closed her eyes. "Mmm..." she said. "Something smells good."
The trio walked into the kitchen and found the pot of stew simmering on the stove. Barney left them to go check on his suits.
"Are my suits okay?" he asked worriedly. He opened the closet and found them all there. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. They're here. Daddy won't let anyone take you guys away!"
He turned around and found Snow Lily, asleep. He jumped up and yelled.
"Guys, you better see this, quick!"
Ted and Robin ran in.
"Barney, what's-" Ted asked until he saw Snow Lily, snoring gently on his bed. "It's a person."
"A full sized person!" Barney declared. "Hey, do you guys think she'll want to have s-"
"NO!" shouted Ted and Robin.
Snow Lily opened her eyes and yawned. She blinked to clear her vision and found the dwarves standing there. Her eyes widened, fully awake. She gasped.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" she cried.
Robin pulled out a shotgun. Snow Lily screamed.
