To the Tune of "Buttons and Bows" from The Paleface
A magic Realm will overwhelm
A normal guy with ennui.
Gimme a bre-ak, where all is prosaic,
And there ain't no fantasy.
Earth is Earth; the Realm's the Realm,
And the wrong one I'm in now.
Let's go where you won't meet werewolves and
Elves and ettins and djinni and dao,
Orcs and thorks and dragons and drow!
A boy gets bored with spear and sword —
Take me where the guns go "pow!"
Let's be found where guys ain't gowned,
Where a horn's not worn on the top of your brow,
And teens fight tests, not dragons and drow!
I don't mind a monster on film or TV show,
But I take a beating meeting half the whole Fiend Folio.I'd soon have banned the Bogbeast brand —
Make the Know-Trees take a bough.
I'd incline to where folks dine on those
Chops and chili and chicken for chow,
And no-one's heard of dragons and drow.
Gimme some location
Dwarfs aren't a nation,
"Giants" play ball now,
No one conjures a cow,
"Cavaliers" are cars,
Fairies go to gay bars,
And no-one's heard of —
Drow,
Dragons and drow,
Dragons and drow,
Dragons and drow.
