He Had It Coming
And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango
"Huh?"
Suddenly all around me six different very movie like cells appeared. In them were women I knew but they were out of place. They were dressed in the classic white and black stripy uniform like the Daltons but in a more high fashion sense. They were all staring at me like I killed someone they loved, and they began singing
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
They were dancing in their cells as if we were at a night club. Then the spotlights above the cells died and only one lit right above the one with Elena Gilbert from the Vampire Diaries
You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
So I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little bit of sympathy
and there's Bernie lyin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin',
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "Bernie, you pop that
gum one more time..."
And he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
Into his head.
"What the..."
she sang about a Bernie? Who's Bernie? The spotlight above her cell turned off and one above the cell with Sookie Stackhouse from Tru Blood, turned on
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake City about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home,
I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.
And then I found out:
"Single" he told me. Single, my ass.
Not only was he married...
Oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know.
So that night when he came home from work,
I fixed him his drink, as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.
She sang with her accent very prominent. I stood motionless blinking. Am I in the Twilight Zone? Her spotlight was off only to light on another girl. This time it was Mina from Dracula
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carving up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business.
In storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman," he says.
He was crazy and he kept on screamin',
"You been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!
Am I dreaming? I have to be, this doesn't make any sense! Next to be lit was Thea from 'Isle of the dead'
My sister, Veronica and I had this double act,
and my husband, Charlie, travelled round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row.
one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles,
back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the Hotel Cicero,
the three of us, boozin', havin a few laughs and we ran out of ice.
So I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen - the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.
When her spotlight turned off I took a step backwards only to feel the feel of cold metal on my back. I turned around fast and saw no-one else but myself. Well... my movies self anyway. Bella from 'Twilight'
I loved Alvin Lipschitz more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.
But he was troubled.
He was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself and on the way
he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because or artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.
I shook my head from side to side. This is insane!
Suddenly from each cell emerged through the bars the vampire in any sort of love quarrel with the caged female. They all stalked towards me while the women sang.
You pop that gum one more time!
Single my ass.
Ten times!
Number seventeen - the spread-eagle.
Artistic differences.
Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz
I woke up with a scream worthy or making me the lead in Scream 5. I hastened to turn on the lights only to be faced with one DVD. 'Chicago'
Angrily I threw it across the room.
"I really need to lay off the vampire movies"
I muttered and turned on the tv for some good old fashioned Tom and Jerry. The cartoon not the ice-cream
the end.
