South Park: The High School Years

Episode 1-1

Pilot

South Park a small town nestled in Colorado's serene valleys. Life should be simple here, yet it is just the opposite. South Park has never known a simple life. It's citizens are accustomed to the strange and unusual.

It is in this town where our story begins, with four friends named Stan, Kyle, Eric, and Kenny. Their childhoods had never been normal or simple. Over the years they had battled zombies, taken on evil pets from another universe, met their future selves, and seen Christmas poo, just to name a few.

On the other hand they had met celebrities, gone to Imaginationland, and even met many figures people normally considered myth: Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and Aslan to name a few.

Perhaps strangest of all was that Kenny had died and ressurected countless times. Cartman had even drank his ashes and absorbed his soul one time, yet still he managed to come back. Yes there was no doubt that South Park was a strange town. Maybe some would even call it evil. It was a place where the forces of the cosmos converged in a strange way.

We begin our story at South Park High School. Gone are the days of elementary school with the antics of such as Chef and Mr. Garrison. Currently the four friends were standing in the lunch line, discussing their teenage problems.

"I can't believe Wendy bailed on me last night," Stan complained loudly. "Then she tells me that it was to study for some test. Figures."

"Well that's Wendy," Kyle pointed out. "When has she not been like that? Not sure why you're so worried. You can't even get further then a kiss without upchucking."

"You know what I think Kahl?" Cartman snickered. "I think Stan might be queer."

Kyle snorted and turned away from his friend shamelessly. Stan scowled and pursed his lips.

"Know what else?" Cartman went on. "I think he has a crush on you Kahl."

"Oh dear Moses Cartman!" Kyle exclaimed. "When are you going to grow up and act your age?"

"When are you going to admit you don't want to be a Jew and become a Christian?" Cartman shot back.

Kyle opened his mouth to respond, but he honestly didn't know what to say. He didn't want to become a Christian. Where did Cartman come up with this stuff? Instead he remained silent. Cartman smirked triumphantly, but he didn't push it.

Still the Jewish boy did have some level of discomfort with his ethnicity. This wasn't exactly a secret. Cartman had never let him alone about it. He had thought that as he grew older, he'd grow into being a Jew. Things hadn't worked out that way.

A few years ago his father had passed away. Sheila became secular without her husband's religious values to keep her in line. She continued to do most of it like keeping kosher at first, but now that had come to naught. Now she was an alcoholic, and you would never have thought Sheila Broflovski had ever been an observant Jew.

Kyle was no longer sure of himself. Surely his dad would be proud of him retaining his Jewishness. That was the right thing to do. Yet Cartman's years of torment and teasing had started to create doubts. Was it even Cartman, or was it his own doubt?

Cartman didn't exactly tease Kyle anymore, so why did he still feel so guilty, almost dirty? Being a Jew wasn't dirty. He was sure it was just social pressure. Cartman had taken to trying to convert him to Christianity these days, and they were no longer enemies, more like distant relations.

Stan brought him out of these thoughts by speaking again.

"I'm just not sure anymore," Stan said sadly. "I've always loved Wendy a lot, or at least, I've believed I do. Sure she's nice and I like her a lot, as a friend."

"As a friend?" Cartman snickered. "Dude, just admit it. You're gay.

"I am not gay!" Stan exclaimed. "Stop implying that I'm gay and in love with Kyle!"

"In love with me?" Kyle asked curiously. "Whoever said anything about that?"

"That's what fatass thinks!" Stan pointed out. "I am not in love with Kyle! Get it?"

"There's a river in Egypt," Cartman said with a yawn.

Kyle wrapped his arms around himself and looked at the floor again. Stan wasn't in love with him? Why would he be? They were best friends. Why did Kyle care? Yet somehow the words had stung. Stan wasn't in love with him.

"Kyle?" Stan asked gently, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder. "You okay man?"

"Yeah," Kyle lied, looking up at him and forcing a laugh. "I'm fine."

The truth was, Kyle was anything but fine. He didn't want to have these thoughts. He didn't want to want for Stan to love him, or to feel regret that he didn't.

The rest of the school day proceeded without event. Soon the four friends were headed home. Kyle was over his earlier thoughts, and now felt perfectly friendly toward Stan again, though a little reserved. They made to cross a busy intersection, but Kenny tripped on the way and got ran smack over by a Mack truck.

"Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" Stan exclaimed.

"You bastards!" Kyle shouted in reply.

"You guys, that is so old, seriously," Cartman told them.

They continued their walk and soon reached Cartman's house. Cartman parted ways from them, and proceeded to his house's front door, unlocking it with his key. His eyes met the familiar yellow walls.

Yes, he and his mother still lived here, after all these years. They were still alone. Lianne had never found a man, and Cartman had never seen anymore of his brother Scott. His mom wasn't home, but she had left him a tray of bacon and eggs.

Cartman no longer bullied his mother so much. He was still a friend to her, more then a son, and as he matured he became somewhat protective. He was the man of the house. His mom needed him to take care of them.

He had finally started to admit the truth to himself. For years he had drowned out his feelings, whatever emotion he had. Cartman no longer had such fancies. He could feel and cry, just as much as any other angsty teenager. He was no longer such a bully, only a little.

Kyle's mother looked up from her book as her son entered the house with a slam of the front door.

"Welcome home Kyle," she greeted him.

Sheila Broflovski was a very different lady then she had once been. She'd cut her hair and wore pants, though she still spoke in her heavy accent.

"Hi mom," Kyle returned her greeting. "Where's Ike?"

"Still at basketball practice bubby," she replied, using his old nickname. "I cooked non-kosher tonight, so you'll have to make your own meal."

Kyle sighed and proceeded to the kitchen, resigned to it. That was another thing, his mother no longer bothered to keep kosher.

Kyle began chopping onions, thinking to himself. His dad's death had changed their family much. His mother and Ike were no longer observant Jews. Not that it surprised him with Ike, he hadn't been born a Jew anyway.

Kyle began on the garlic. What would dad think now? What would he think if he knew his Jewish son was so doubtful of his Jewishness? Not that Kyle seriously thought about Cartman's advice to become Christian, but in many ways it would make his life with God much simpler. He wouldn't have to cook seperately anymore, for one thing.

Kyle pulled some beef out of the refrigerator and started cutting it into cubes. He just hadn't figured out yet if he actually bought into the whole Jesus thing. Did he really believe that Jesus had been his people's messiah, and that he'd died to be an atoning sacrifice?

Kyle began cooking, deciding to focus on that rather then thinking. He heard someone walk into the kitchen behind him, and turned around to see Ike there. Ike poured himself a glass of milk and took a sip before speaking.

"Tough practice today," he said sighing in exhaustion. "What you making Kyle?"

"Oh nothin," Kyle replied. "Just throwing stuff together. The stuff mom made would probably taste better, it's just not kosher."

"What's the deal with that anyway?" Ike asked with a snicker. "Kosher food, ha! Food is food if you ask me. I know dad raised us to be Jewish and all, but you can be Jewish without being religious. Why shouldn't we just live like the rest of modern society?"

Kyle wanted to say because Jehovah had chosen them to be different then the other nations, but he wasn't sure he even believed that anymore. God chosing one nation of people out of hundreds?

"How was practice?" Kyle asked, changing the subject.

"Brutal," Ike replied. "My arms and legs are cramping up. I need to go shower. See ya!"

Kyle focused on cooking again, but he couldn't get his mind to relax. The thoughts of his friends and the many things they'd discussed throughout the years flooded him. Cartman's voice filled his head, it taunted and tormented him.

"When are you going to be honest and become a Catholic, Kahl?" Cartman's voice asked in his mind. "The Jews killed Jesus because he told them the truth."

And so on. The fat boy had been his sole antagonist in childhood, but now they were something else. Cartman was sometimes the only one that could understand him. It was as though Cartman knew Kyle so well that sometimes he was the only one who knew him.

He had enough confused feelings about Stan and his Jewish indentity. He didn't need to consider that he might be even remotely in love with Cartman. No. No way! He didn't want to become a Christian, and he wasn't going to think about Cartman that way. Especially not Cartman.

To be continued...