Title: You Can't Go Home Again

Author: Edie Zee

Rating: Uh…I'm bad at these. Let's go PG-13 for now, and go from there.

Summary: Sam gets a chance to catch up with his old college buddies, only to find out that things were never really "normal" there either. Dean, meanwhile, goes on a hunt by himself.

Timeline: Not sure when this takes place, but definitely after "What is and What should never Be" but not including anything about Sam's resurrection/ Dean's crossroads deal because I just don't want to deal with that.

Chapter 1

Headlights lit up the winding highway, which was empty except for the black Impala. In deference to his sleeping brother, Dean had turned the music low – it was never turned off. Tapping his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel, Dean smiled to himself as he passed the sign signaling that he was "now entering California."

Dean glanced over at Sam, and his grin grew wider. Thanks to a little "something extra" Dean had slipped into Sam's beer at dinner, the younger man had been sleeping soundly for hours. That something extra was necessary because Dean didn't want his brother to realize where they were going until they got there. It was a surprise, after all.

Sam, obviously, knew they were going to California. But he thought they were going to go do a simple salt-and-burn in Sacramento. And that's exactly what Dean would be doing. But, for what would surely be an easy job, Dean knew he could easily spare his brother. Guilt had been weighing on him since the whole Djinn incident, as he thought about his brother having a "normal" life. So, when he first had heard rumblings of a ghost in California, he hatched a plan that would allow Sam to spend some time with his old college friends.

A while later, Dean reached the outskirts of Palo Alto, remembering the irregular trips he and his dad would take here to check up on Sammy during his time at school. And then he remembered all the co-eds he picked up. He chuckled to himself, which seemed to be enough to finally knock Sam out of his chemical-induced sleep.

The younger, taller man groaned, trying his best to stretch – which the passenger seat of a '67 Impala was not the most conducive to. Meanwhile, Dean, with a big grin on his face, surreptitiously snuck glances at him, eagerly waiting for Sam to notice his surroundings. Instead, Sam rubbed his palms into his eyes, yawning loudly.

Then – finally – he looked out the window and froze, hands caught halfway between his face and his lap. Dean laughed outright at the look on his face.

"Uh, Dean."

"Yeah, Sammy."

"I thought we were going to Sacramento."

"I'm going to Sacramento. You get a few days to hang out with the rest of the old Geek Squad."

"Dean, you can't go off and do a job on your own."

"Dude, I'm 28. Don't forget, I used to do quite a few jobs on my own. Come on, man. This is a simple salt-and-burn. You haven't seen your friends in ages."

"Aren't you the one always telling me that, in our line of work, it's not good to have friends?"

"Now you start listening to me?" Dean focused on the road ahead, trying not to let on how important it was to him that he be able to give Sam this opportunity. "Why are you fighting me on this?"

Sam was quiet for a minute, staring out the window at the once-familiar city passing by outside. It was still early on a Sunday morning, so many of the college kids were still sleeping it off. A few people were out jogging or starting off on a "walk of shame." His heart panged at the sight of his old stomping grounds, remembering all the times he had with his friends … and with Jess. That was what was making him the most worried – except for helping out Rebecca a year or so ago, he hadn't really spent any time with any of his friends since Jess had died. He knew they would bring back memories, memories he wasn't quite sure he wanted to recall.

However, the hardest part was the sickening realization that those memories wouldn't be as painfully raw as they used to be. While he would always love and miss her, he was truly over her. And that made him feel guilty as hell.

But he couldn't explain any of that to Dean. That would be way too much of a chick flick scene for his older brother. Not to mention that, now that he was thinking about his old friends, he did really want to see them.

"OK." He said quietly, more to the window than to Dean.

"Good, because I wasn't gonna take no for an answer anyway."

"It's too early to call any of them. How 'bout we have breakfast before you leave for Sacramento."

"Sounds good."

"And Dean," Sam turned to give him a pointed look. "I expect to hear from you every day so I know that you're alright. And if you need help with anything, come get me."

"Deal."


Sam remained sitting in the booth at his old favorite restaurant, sipping his coffee as he watched Dean peel out of the parking lot. The older Winchester had wanted to get on the road, so Sam said he would "pay" the bill when he was done – especially since he wanted to wait until at least 11 before calling his old roommate Jake.

A smile sprung up as he thought of Jake, with whom he had shared a dorm his first two years at school and a small, messy, one-room apartment with furnishing and linoleum that looked like it came straight out of the 1970s the third year. His last year at Stanford, when he moved in to his place with Jess, Jake moved in with his girlfriend, Sarah – Jess' best friend. She'd probably be the hardest person for Sam to see… In an e-mail a couple weeks ago, Jake had said that he and Sarah moved into a bigger place with two younger girls that Sarah worked with. Splitting expenses would give Jake and Sarah more money for grad school. Sam didn't know those three girls, so he hoped they didn't mind some stranger crashing on the couch.

Checking his watch to see he had at least another 45 minutes to kill, Sam decided to walk around campus for awhile. He went up to the register to pay a young girl – probably not much more than a freshman – with a credit card issued to John Carmichael. Feeling a twinge of guilt as he signed the fake name, Sam quickly left.

Memories came flooding back as he walked past Branner Hall, where he lived as a freshman. Thinking back, he was surprised that Jake even put up with him. At that time, he was still reeling from the fight with his father and being told to "stay gone." He was aching to be able to talk to Dean, but his older brother just couldn't understand his reasons. He was jumping at every bump in the night because he didn't dare to put up salt lines but felt highly vulnerable without that protection.

To deal with it, Sam had thrown himself into his studying – figuring that if he had thrown everything away for the chance at an education, he better make the most out of it. Jake and Jess – who was "just a friend" then – worked hard to bring him out of his shell. They didn't truly succeed until the day he and Jess crossed the line into more than friends…

Flashback

"Alright, Sam. What's the equation for kinetic energy?" Jess asked from the pile of notecards in her hands. She was sitting cross-legged at the foot of his dorm bed, facing him, while he leaned back against the wall near the top of the bed. They were studying for the midterm in their physics class, being the only two who were currently taking the general requirement course together.

"Aaaah… one half times mass times velocity squared."

"Yep."

Jess, who was very focused on getting a good grade in the course as she wasn't too comfortable with the subject, quickly flipped to the next card. Before she could read it, however, Sam reached out to cover both it and her hands with his larger hands.

"Jess. Come on. Let's take a break. We've been studying for two hours."

She hesitated briefly, staring at their hands. "OK."

"Alright, I'll buy you some ice cream."

Deciding to take their ice cream cones and walk around, they leisurely strolled around campus.

"So," Jess asked. "Are you going to be able to see you dad and brother over Thanksgiving?

Sam clammed up, unsure of how to answer without letting on that something was wrong in the Winchester family. When asked, he usually told his friends that his dad traveled a lot because he was in a private, security-consulting business, and that Dean was following him into that line of work. "Business was booming" and that's why neither had been able to make it up to visit him since school started – or even at orientation and move-in.

"Uh, no, I don't think so. I think Dad and Dean will be in Iowa that week.

"That's too bad."

"Uh-huh."

The two stopped to throw out their napkins and the paper that had encircled the bottom of the cones. Jess went to sit on a nearby bench, and Sam joined her. For some reason, he was more acutely aware of how close they were sitting now than when they had been on his bed in the dorm room. It just … felt different, for some reason.

"Wellll…," Jess turned to look at him with a glint in her eye. "You could always celebrate the holiday with me and my family."

"Oh, no. I wouldn't want to impose."

"Nonsense, Sam. I couldn't let you do nothing on Thanksgiving. I…I care about you too much to do that."

Sam's head jerked up, his eyes meeting hers. Does that mean what I think it means? What is she saying? Why does she have to be so confusing?

He was too busy trying to figure out her words that he failed to pay attention to the slight blush that covered her cheeks. She, however, must have seen something in his face that he couldn't discern in hers, because she was the one that made the first move. Hesitantly at first and then with more confidence, she leaned forward to gently catch his lips with hers.

End Flashback

Tears sprung to Sam's eyes. He was sitting on the exact same park bench, his hand where she had been sitting.

"I'm sorry, Jess. So sorry." He whispered.