She though, hell, maybe just this once. It had never worked for her, not even once. She was old, not angel old, but she'd been to Hell and back more times than she wanted to count. Her soul was as ugly as they came. She'd reveled in it. And she'd seen Lucifer rise and all her dreams about to come true and then it had all come crashing down around her ears because of two plaid-clad hunters and a rickety angel.
Well, it was fine. Turns out, she probably had more daddy-issues than Dean Winchester. How do you deal with understanding that Daddy would have tossed you aside, that he saw you as lowly and pathetic? That he despised you even more than humans, that he only loved love the angels who didn't have the balls to stand beside him? She missed her father. She wished for even a second that she could have made him realized that he was loved. Because he was.
Their mother Lilith put herself up to die for him. Their sister Ruby had gotten killed for the same privilege. She got it now.
She'd been loved once. She didn't really remember, expect that there was been a soft hum, tuneless. And the feeling of a warm summer's wind used to make her human's eyes water. And old women with snow white hair and rough fingers made her hesitate. So she knew she'd been loved, a grandmother, a mother, someone.
But she didn't remember it. But she loved. She did. She loved her father. She loved her mother. And that was as far as it had gotten. Had to keep herself safe. She wasn't so stupid. She would never be Juliette. Demons were hated, not loved. Hell, if she'd remembered that, her father's actions would have hurt a lot less. You do what you have to and you keep going and you find a cause and you fight for it.
Too bad her new cause was that dumb angel. He saw her, that disgusting soul that was left from the pit, and he called her beautiful. Secretly she knew that his complements lit her up the way her father did when he cupped her face and called her his child.
Stupid angel saw her for who she was.
But she saw him too. She was there when he suffered, there through his hallucinations. He sought her out. He'd kissed her even. Okay, he didn't exactly get it. He was practicing being human, but she was a demon and he was an angel and he's kissed her. Forgive her for feeling her human's knees go a bit weak.
And he remembered. The kiss hadn't been a small thing for him either. And he seemed receptive. He would have said yes if the plaid-pair hadn't broken in. Why did they always have to get in the way of everything?
Because that was it. She found her cause. Funny enough it was the stupid angel who'd helped lock up her daddy again. Who was she kidding though? She liked bad boys. She liked rule breakers. And Castiel was the ultimate rule beaker. With the mess he caused, how he hadn't been thrown full force into the cage too was a wonder.
But he was holy too, with just a hint of bad. He was one of a kind, which was why angels followed him and hated him and loved him. She'd heard the pathetic baby angel pray to Castiel when he wasn't praying to his father to come save him. Sad really.
And Castiel was receptive her. He would have taken her up on her offer. What angel would do that for a demon? He was even more rare that a normal human girl who'd really like a Winchester, knowing how screwed up he was.
"Go, save your brother and my unicorn." There, she said it. It was done. He was that for her. She'd found her cause, damn it. Crowley wasn't anything compared to that. He was nothing compared to Lilith, or Lucifer, or Castiel.
He wasn't going to win in the end. Let Hell burn, let it all close up tight. Who needed it anyway? If Crowley went down too, so much the better.
Dying hurt, but then she was always dying for some cause or another, wasn't she? Stupid.
