Fault

Disclaimer: I do not own anything or claim to own anything of scrubs.

(J.D. is speaking this all)

I never really thought about how much the people in your life make such a big difference. Big or small, the difference is always there. And you can either protect it, or just let it go.

...I really wish I had chosen the first.

It had just started out just like any other day......Dr. Cox harassing me and calling me Sheryl and other random girl names. Elliot staring into the abyss of her life, and asking (more like telling) me to respect her sex life. Turk break dancing for a new surgery position that he's been waiting for....for what seems like forever. And Todd, being the perverted sex addicted freak that Todd is. Gotta love em.

But why was this day so different.....? Why did this day have to go from usual hospital, to stressing, to .... ....to this?

Like why is my mentor lying in a hospital bed with gun wounds in his chest...? Why would anyone shoot him? Why would any man come in here, blaming us for his wife's untimely death, and take it out on the people who tried to save him?

First he came in, tears apparent on his pale face. He approached a nurse and asked her something...I didn't hear. He started to walk away from her, and looked angrier than ever. That's when he spotted me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` I had tried to help his wife through her final hours, but she didn't last. Dr. Cox was the one to tell him. But, he recognized me from my small appearance behind Cox. He knew it was also my fault. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Dr. Cox had seen him come in. I saw Dr. Cox staring at him as if he was looking at someone who just had something wrong about him. I turned from Dr. Cox and faced the man in approaching me.

He stormed up to me, and about 6 feet away, he pulled out his pistol.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr. Cox had tried so hard and fought to bring her back to life. But, no matter how many times he cried clear, the monitor always sang flat lined. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now sobbing, the man screamed his stabbed heart at me. I stood there. Shocked....yeah, probably. Afraid.....yes. Here was this man pointing the mouth of his gun at me. It was ready to relish its wrath on me, and who knows what other unfortunate soul that came between that gun and me.

Dr. Cox didn't even seem phased by that. He ran from behind me, and shoved me out of the way. And then I heard it.

One.

Two.

Three.

Three shots. Three shots rang out, like in a hollow black cave.

Dr. Cox collapsed to the floor. I saw him take three or four exasperated breathes.... he looked at me. I will never forget that look. He stared at me as if to say, "It's not your fault, newbie."

Someone tackled the man and actually held him down, while some of the secretaries called the police. Nurses rushed over Dr. Cox, like water hits a rock.

Suddenly all that he had taught me was forgotten.

I didn't move. Shock.... yes.

Afraid......Definitely.

That man left a huge scar in me. A once lonely tired man, hoping for his wife to overcome the illness, now leads in a murd..... no.

No no no.... no please. Not him. He can't die. He won't. I can't let him. I WON'T let him!

Of all the people to leave a remarkable imprint in my life, Dr. Cox was the one to have to suffer the most. Eliot, nor Turk, Todd, even Carla, had prepared me for the sudden weight of a person whom I loved on my chest. I loved them all...

So why didn't I react? Like he had!?

Now, I go with Turk to church. And I sit there, through the service. After, I pray. I pray with Turk, Carla, and Eliot sometimes comes too.

These are the people that have made such a difference in my life. And I hope I have in theirs. I know I have in Dr. Cox's.

But I always just hope. And understand, it is my fault that Dr. Cox cared about me so much. But, I'm kind of glad. Glad that anyone could be that changed to make the biggest differences.