this is my first fan fiction. so please tell me how I am doing and any criticism or tips are welcome. I am hoping to keep it ok for preteens and still interesting for older readers. but it might not always be that way. i am putting up the date to make things easier to understand.
ALSO I DID A BIT OF EDITING IS THIS BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE OR DO I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.
NOVEMBER 7, 2027
KIRITO'S POV:
"KIRITO! WAKE UP!"
A feminine voice shouted from the other side of my door. I slowly opened my eyes and rose up to a sitting position on my bed, my blanket still on my lap and the wonderful dream I had about Asuna was still fresh in my head. Rubbing my eyes, I heard the voice of my sister still yelling at me to get up.
I called out to her "I'm up. why are you making such a racket? its Sunday, I don't have any school today."
I then stood up and walked over to the door and opened it. What I saw on the other side was definitely not what I expected. My little sister was holding a package and behind her was almost the entire gang Asuna, Klein, Liz, silica, and Agil.
I then noticed the only thing I was wearing was my boxers and immediately slammed the door and ran to get a shirt and some pants on. Hearing through the door that Klein was quite amused at my abrupt retreat and lack of clothes.
When I was dressed, I opened my door and asked "What are you guys doing here. And what is that package lil sis?"
My sister giggled "You really don't remember what day it is." I frowned confused.
Asuna then stepped forward and said "Maybe this will remind you." She then kissed me and said "Happy end of Sao anniversary"
I smiled then turned my head to the box as my sister said "It's for you. From all of us!"
I took the present and carefully lifted the lid. Inside was a circular disk with hooks on the back. Confused, I looked up and was about to ask what it was, when Klein said "You hang it on the wall. It's a display. Here let me show you."
He then took the shield into the living room and hung it on the wall. Klein stepped back to admire his work "Its missing something." He said stroking his stubble of a beard, he snapped his fingers and said "Of course, it needs some swords."
Then Liz grabbed a bundle that was laying on the couch and unwrapped it, revealing two exact replicas of the swords I used in SAO.
She said " I think these would do nicely."
My eyes widened with amazement as Liz handed me the swords.
They are real! aren't just decorations these are real swords. I thought in amazement. "May I see that" I said pointing to the dark elucidator sword.
she nodded and handed it to me smiling a huge smile. I took a few swings and it felt like it did in SAO.
"Thanks, you guys." I said. then my sister said "how about we head down to the bar and party!"
Later at the bar
ASUNA'S POV:
"I cant believe you drank a whole gallon of apple cider. and why am I not charging you for it." Agil said shaking his head.
I smiled at him and said "Because we are having a party!" I turned and craned my head over everyone looking for Kirito. I spotted him over in a corner booth with several girls clinging to him. He looked extremely uncomfortable and I decided that I'd better head over.
When I got over to him, I cleared my throat and said with a perfectly straight face "Kirito I hope you're not cheating on me. What would Yui think?"
He immediately shook his head in protest to her accusations and tried to get out of the girls grips.
Unable to keep a straight face I started to giggle. "You really are too easy to tease Kirito"
He opened his mouth like he was about to say something but he forgot what he was about to say when I leaned in and kissed him.
"Love you Kirito-kun" I then leaned back and started talking about the party. "I cant believe how many people are here. I mean there is the guys from SAO and some people from Alfhiem. Even a couple from GGO."
I turned my head as the main door creaked open and Sinon walks in. Kirito waves and leads me over.
"Hey Sinon, glad you finally made it." Kirito said.
Sinon looks at him with a gaze that's part angry and part embarrassed. "Well it would have been nice if you would have gave me instructions of how to find this place. I have been wandering the streets for like twenty minutes."
I grabbed her hand and said to kirito "Well for being so rude to this fine young lady, you shall now be buying us all a drink. Or I shall never cook for you again." The immediate fear in his eyes was almost hilarious and I never in my life saw him run to the counter so fast and order us a round of drinks.
After a few merry drinks and talking to a bunch of people, I was completely worn out. I looked at the clock noticing with a panic that the clock said it was three o'clock. "Sorry guys, I have to leave now. Mom and Dad say they have some big surprise."
I stood up and grabbed my coat and headed for the door. As I reach the door I noticed that there was something slightly heavy about my coat. I reached into my coat pocket and was surprised to see Kirito's phone.
It had several missed messages and what looked like some type of alert. So I walked back to the table they were at and handed him the phone. "It looks like you need to keep better track of your phone. Oh, and you have some messages." I said as I turned towards the door and walked out of the bar.
KIRITO'S POV
How did my phone get in her pocket? I wondered as a unlocked my phone. I probably put it there by mistake. I thought to myself dismissing the thought. now, what is this alarm that keeps popping up, and why is it named living memories?
He dismissed the alarm for what was the fourth time today and then opened up his messages. Hmm that's strange, they are all from the same person and each of the texts are the same link to something.
As I debated whether to go to that link or not. Out of no where my sister popped up and grabbed my phone and said "Get off your phone silly, its a party you should interact with people."
I sighed as a grabbed my phone from her. She's right, the phone can wait. I thought to myself as I got up and headed towards my friends.
thanks so much for reading this. I would love to hear from you. I have a great idea for this and will try to update say once every one to two weeks.
please review I want to know if I can do anything to make the characters better.
