My first Leviathan fic. I read the book once and I was flipping addicted. Love the characters, love the concept, love the plot, just plain love it. Of course I'm looking forward to Behemoth, and all the Alek/Deryn yet to come.
Anwho I own NOTHING. Zip, nada, none, it's all Scott Westerfeld's. I only stake claim to the computer it was written on.
Jealousy
Deryn Sharp had never been the jealous type. Ever. Especially when it came to the subject of a boy. She had always been far more interested in aeronautics and her Da's balloons than she had in boys. After all the inner workings of hydrogen breathers was a far more intriguing matter than which boy in the village was the most attractive. In fact up until recently the only interest she'd had in boys was how to disguise her-self as one.
She'd never once felt a squick of jealousy as she watched the other girls back home traipsing around in their frilly skirts and ridiculously oversized hats with some boy trailing after them like a love sick puppy. And she'd certainly never felt jealous about the ones mooning and swooning over any boy that gave them a second glance. Seeing those kinds of girls had just made her embarrassed to be a female.
However, as she sat in a pub and watched some Ottoman trollop dangle off Aleksander Hapsburg's arm like a parasitic leech, she felt a jealous rage like she had never thought possible. She had never felt so angry in her life.
The jealousy gnawed at her from the inside out. Raw anger flooded her every nerve making her blood boil. It consumed her like some sort of monster; a monster that brought out the worst in Deryn. Her eyes had narrowed to slits and she clutched the edge of the table so hard that her knuckles had turned a bone white. She felt like screaming.
And she had just one question on her mind.
How dare she?
How dare that girl flirt with Alek?
He was Deryn's friend. What gave this tramp the right to talk to him in such a low sultry voice? Why should she be able to hold onto his arm in such an intimate manner? That wench shouldn't have even been looking at him. She had no right what so ever.
She's not even that pretty, Deryn thought as the girl started to bat her eyes at Alek with a simpering smile.
Deryn ground her teeth as she watched the scene in front of her. She would really have liked to sock that wench in the nose. She would have taken great satisfaction in knocking the girl flat on her bum.
But she held herself back. It would have seemed mighty suspicious if she went around punching every single female that gave Alek a funny look. That would account for just about every other teenage girl in Constantinople.
Get it together you ninny, she told herself. You're acting like a complete and total sod. Besides if you're feeling this way then it's your own bloody fault.
And it was her fault. After all, as far as Alek knew she was midshipman Dylan Sharp. It wasn't like Alek was going to fancy her if he thought she was a boy, not with the way he was talking to that tramp.
Deryn had long since come to terms with her feelings for Alek, but had yet to tell him her secret. Every time she thought about telling him she felt sick to her stomach. How was she supposed to tell him that she had been lying to him from day one? She now cringed at the thought of telling him and what might happen; it was hard to believe she nearly blurted it out to him back in Switzerland.
She felt stupid, she felt like one of those silly swooning girls she'd always pitied. She had always told herself she would never end up like that, yet here she was getting all hot and bothered over one stupid boy. And he was the bloody prince of Clankers for that matter.
Deryn forced herself to tear her eyes from Alek and the trollop and stared at the half finished drink in her hand. Stop thinking about him, it's that easy. Just stop thinking about him and the hurt will go away. That was what she always told herself, but she couldn't stop thinking about him no matter how much it hurt.
And oh, did it hurt. It hurt more than she ever thought something possibly could. Every time she thought about him it was like she was drowning and couldn't breathe. And every time she saw him with a girl it was like someone had carved out her heart with a dull knife and stomped on it a million times before sewing up the hole in her chest with a rusty needle and frayed thread, leaving a hollowed out gap in her chest.
It hurt so bloody much. It like a constant ache no medicine could cure her of; like something heavy was permanently lodged right between her throat and her heart. Sometimes she wished she could just forget all about him. It would make things so much easier if she just didn't care⦠but sometimes she thought that might hurt even more.
But for now, she figured, it would be best to do what she usually did when she felt like this. Drown her jealousy in rum. Drown that jealous monster that had reared its ugly head again. She would drink until she was completely sloshed, and in the morning she would forget the incident had ever happened, and all would be forgiven with Alek none the wiser.
Until the next time it happened, and time after that, and the time after that.
She sighed and pushed her glass to the far side of the table. She couldn't take much more of it, the drink or the heartache. She was completely and totally sick of it.
She was sick of lying to Alek. She was sick of feeling like he couldn't trust her. She was sick of the secrets. And most of all she was sick of watching him talk to every other tart that passed him by. It was then that Deryn made her decision.
She stood up and rolled up her sleeves prepared to drag Alek all the way back to the barking ship if it meant she'd have a private word with him. Consequences be damned.
It's about barking time he knew.
I'm actually rather proud of this one. I just started building on the whole jealousy thing and then it winded up to her deciding to tell him. It was actually rather unexpected, but that's alright. Oh and before you say anything bout "Deryn's only fifteen she can't drink" then go back and re read the book it mentions early on in the book something about drinking rum. Seriously I kid you not, chapter eleven. Oh, and Alek has no interest in the other girl what so ever. He's just trying not to be rude by totally blowing her off. He's not always polite but I imagine his parents at least taught him to treat girl's nicely.
Anyways I plan to add more unrelated oneshots or drabbles to this, not all will be affiliated with the romance category but quite a few will.
Constructive criticism is craved. Review if you wish.
