The Super Ultra Mega Turbo Semi-All-Powerful Me

By Stolas

WARNING TO ALL, SPOILERS UP TO TTP!!!

Artemis opened his eyes and saw nothing. "I'm still asleep." Those were his thoughts.

Forever he stared into the darkness, into the void.

Calm was he, he of mortal nature.

Calmer than most mortals, in their encounters with the anything but.

An entity or a shape began to appear in the darkness, very slowly did it approach...

Like a snake after a trapped mouse.

Artemis felt nothing as he stared out into nothing.

An odd sort of sing song melody reached his ears, though he could not make out a single note.

"I'm coming. Wait right there." Spoke the voice in a tone Artemis did not hear, but rather felt.

"I'll be waiting right here. I have no need to fear my own subconscious." Was the reply.

"Good, then you should sit down." Without another moment's delay the being was before him.

Artemis glanced thoughtfully at the creature, at his clothes, his posture.

Horns came up from his head, though they were not of threatening nature. He seemed happy and content, a rather short, impish and pink little creature in a seated position floating at Artemis's eye level. With a grand gesture of his hand, he spoke.

"I am pleased to meet you, I am the Super Ultra Mega Turbo Semi-All-Powerful Me. As that is a bit unwieldy in conversation I am generally called Me."

"I am called Artemis Fowl."

"Good, now we can begin discussing what I came for."

Artemis pondered the meaning of this. This was obviously his own dreamworld, apparently his subconscious wanted to straighten some things out. Fitting, since his life had come to be rather hectic lately. Rather casually Artemis sat down, noticing as he sat that a chair materialized beneath him.

"Now, I have a great many things I must ask you, for I wish to know all I can about you."

"Anything I can do to be of service." Artemis grinned to himself, dreams were fun, more than fun they were productive. Many of his best schemes came from dreams.

"Who are you?"

"I am Artemis Fowl II."

"No, you are not. You are you, I am Me. Who are You?"

"I do not fully understand the question."

"You do understand, but you will not answer me right away. This is fine. We will know soon enough."

Artemis began to seriously wonder if maybe he was ill, this was getting rather unusual.

Me stood up and walked around a table to Artemis, Artemis had never noticed a table to be present there before.

"What do you think of my suit?"
Artemis examined Me and noticed he was wearing the same suit Artemis had gone to bed in. Note that one generally does not sleep in a business suit, but it had been a long day to say the least.

"This is good, now I know that I am simply dreaming..." Artemis thought hard on his answer.

"I think it is a representation of the way I see myself, or would like to see myself."

Me simply looked at Artemis and cocked his head to the side. Artemis decided to try again, surely he would know what he himself wanted to know. "It demonstrates my desire to appear as an authority figure to those around me?" Me laughed somewhat at this answer, it sounded inhuman, like a dog crying. He spoke again to Artemis. "What about your suit then? How do you like it?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow, then looked down and saw he wore nothing at all. This was rather unusual, but nothing out of the ordinary in a dream which is never ordinary. Unfortunately, he still was confused as to where this was going.

"I'm naked, and my chair is gone." He spoke rather plainly, he seriously wondered why he even bothered with such an obvious statement so he continued, more to render this observation less pointless than anything else.

"I'm vulnerable and exposed... And my chair is gone." Me smiled somewhat and stared at Artemis. Artemis did not like it.

Me examined Artemis, looking up and down his body as though inspecting the quality of a product.

"Do you understand yet?" Me asked in a flat tone, for once abandoning theatrics.

Unfortunately Artemis still did not quite comprehend the meaning of this, apart from the usual discomfort of another entity, even if he was already convinced it was only himself, examining his naked body.

Artemis slightly shook his head in response.

Me sighed and spoke, this time he seemed to sound somewhat tired. "This will continue until you understand, though I cannot make the connections for you. So however long this all takes is going to be entirely based on your ability to understand yourself."

With a wave of his hand several people appeared. Butler, Holly, Juliet, Artemis Fowl I, Mulch Diggums, Minerva, Foaly and Angeline Fowl. They were clothed and stood perfectly still in the abyss.

Artemis glanced about himself, noticing Me had vanished, leaving Artemis alone in the room with the statue like apparitions of his friends and family. That was until one of them moved, it was Holly, only her head and eyes moved.

"Do you finally get it Mud Boy or do we have to spell it out?" Holly spoke in a slightly mocking tone. Artemis, forgetting his current situation due to the oddity around him, immediately faced the apparition of Holly and actually started to speak as though in conversation. That was when Holly's eyes began examining him, and Artemis remembered the state of his appearance at roughly the same time she registered that very same detail. Artemis ran behind the still motionless Butler as she spoke. At that moment Holly became totally animated and walked around Butler to look directly at Artemis.

"Do you understand now Artemis?" Butler asked as he too began to move about, as though with the intent of exposing Artemis to Holly. Artemis finally managed to speak with a strong note of embarrassment in his voice "What are you people doing? I don't like being stared at like this!"

Mulch was next to come to life, his words oddly deep for his character. "YOU, little Arty are a hypocrite. How often have you all been graced by the sight of my bum? Let's take a moment and have a look at you. It's not like you've got anything me or Butler haven't seen before at the very least."

The remaining apparitions animated as well, their gazes burning into Artemis as a thought occurred to him. Mulch's rather crude and unusual statement took on another meaning when taken as a metaphor. He still couldn't quite grasp what was being screamed at him by all of this.

After a moment, Minerva joined the chorus "Artemis, why do you hide?"

Artemis spoke back to her, to all of them. "I hide because I am naked. This frightens me."

Artemis could feel the connections being made, he was close to understanding and he could taste it.

"I am frightened." He spoke to himself, standing up at last. His father spoke next, but he was different somehow... changed.

"Frightened? My son? Frightened so easily? How weak have you become? Why don't you just show yourself to these friends of yours? Show them how much of a bleeding-heart you've become... You who rejected me, your own father, who shot me and left me to die in the frozen waters of the Russian coast? You think that you saved me? You violated every lesson I ever taught you! Now you call that fool with my body minus a leg your father! You are truly wretched, too ashamed of yourself to even see yourself for what you really are. Aurum Est Potestas, what happened to that? Since when does power come from something as immaterial and useless as companionship? Remove the cursed veil from before me!"

Now Artemis understood, and so he spoke. "I understand now." As he spoke this the images before him vanished and in their stead stood Me, still wearing Artemis's suit. Though now Artemis was wearing the same one as well. "What have you learned, mortal?"

"I have always wanted to see everyone else for what they truly are, I want to know them completely and to know all of their secrets. Virtually all sentient creatures desire clothing to hide the aspects of themselves we are most ashamed of, in the case of literal nudity this especially means the sex organs as they are symbols of our being human, of our carnal nature. We are not, within ourselves at the least worthy of the rule we have over the so called lesser creatures. To be carnal is to live for oneself, to be selfish, to ascend beyond it is to be truly sentient. To be naked is to have our carnal, evil nature revealed, to have our hateful, wretched selves and all of our schemes and plans laid bare for all to see.

I understand the hypocrisy now, I wear perpetually the veil over myself in my life to keep my carnal and selfish wishes and motives hidden... so that I can not be manipulated." Me smiled at Artemis again, and nodded to confirm this revelation, Me then began waving his hand slightly as if to ask "And?"

"I want to see everyone else in their entirety, especially the parts they don't want me to see, this is because I want to understand them as my friends, but also because some part of me still wants to manipulate them or at least be able to manipulate them if I choose to."

Me nodded and again, this time saying "Then what of your dear dad? What does he want from you here?" Artemis smiled somewhat sadly, "That is not my father, he is the essence of my family's heritage. At one time the, time of his absence, a part of my view of my father was nothing more to me than an extension of the Fowl family legacy, the drive to gather wealth and power at all costs. When I shot him in the Arctic, even if it was to save him, I was killing everything a part of me felt that he stood for, I rejected the family legacy and now that legacy is swiftly being forgotten. For better or worse I am no longer that cruel twelve year old that looked no further for meaning than his wallet." Artemis finally understood. As such he was offered, and accepted limited control over the abyss before him by Me. This exchange of power was silent, and Artemis heaved a heavy sigh and sat down as his vanishing chair materialized once more beneath him.

Willing a glass of Earl Grey into his hand he spoke "So you are here to help me understand myself, because in the days to come you feel that I will need to be fully aware of myself and my surroundings to be able to make the right choices ahead. Am I right?" Me sat down also, and helped himself to some Earl Grey as well. "You're smart Artemis, I appreciate that. You probably have also realized that time has no relevance here, and you probably understand the significance of that already." Artemis smiled "I'm guessing that means we will be here for as long as it takes for me to get this right." Me was so overjoyed by this simple realization he actually laughed again, Artemis winced at the sound, for some reason Me's laughs seemed more sorrowful and empty than anything else. But who was he to complain about somebody else's laugh? Me finally spoke again, face contorted into a grin far too big for his face "Now we can really start getting somewhere."

Notes by the Author: This was the first item I posted here on this site, I have edited it for the sake of ease and now I believe it an easier read. Everything I touch as an author has a sort of trademark touch, I call it that but really its because I'm not so good at writing... I'm a lot better at forcing people to re-evaluate their views. You see, there is quite a list of hidden details about the Artemis Fowl series that most people don't notice at first, such as the symbolism of Artemis shooting his father in the second book. My favorite is a bit more obvious with the foreshadowing of Artemis borrowing Holly's iris cam in book three, and then there is Spiro's comment about how his eyes don't appear to match. Even simple characters like Mulch are much more than they seem to be at first glance. Really, the character of the Super Ultra Mega Turbo Semi-All-Powerful Me is designed as a devious attempt by me to force people to think and rethink about what they already think they know. I claim that Me is present to prepare Artemis for the trials ahead by making him aware of everything within himself and of the way he feels about those around him... Really this is a way for me to make the reader acutely aware of these relationships and more aware of the nature and essence of the various supporting characters such as the often oversimplified Mulch. He really deserves a detailed analysis as he really is an interesting character. I will now shut up so you can go on to reading the next chapter.

I wanted to bait Artemis into saying something about the parallel of nudity in reference to hiding our shameful parts or weaknesses that would come across as dirty in any other context... I really think it could have been some much needed comic relief. Unfortunately I have a conscience.

Stupid conscience...