Cissnei didn't speak to anyone as she walked towards Tseng's office, holding a form in her hand protectively. She was glad that no one stopped her to ask what she was doing either, because she didn't want to have to speak the words aloud. She had never expected herself to do anything so completely irrational.
Pausing outside, she had to forcefully lift her hand and knock on the door so that she didn't have much time to think about her decision, even though it was already running through her head at a million miles an hour.
Thankfully the door opened after only a moment.
"May I speak to you, Sir?" Cissnei asked as Tseng appeared there. He nodded and stepped back, allowing her to enter the room before closing the door and moving back to sit at his desk.
"This is definitely a surprise. Aren't you supposed to be on a mission?" he asked curiously.
"I had to come back and..."
"Yes?" he asked, giving her his attention and waiting patiently. He assumed it had to be something important, since she had come back from a mission earlier than she was meant to. In fact, if she hadn't been who she was, a girl of merely sixteen – no, seventeen now – he probably would have punished her in some way.
"I just... wanted to hand you my..." Cissnei swallowed nervously and found herself unable to finish the sentence, deciding instead just to hand him the form she held and let him figure it out for himself.
So, holding it out, she waited as he took it before dropping her hand again and letting out a sigh, because she realised that there was no turning back now.
Tseng skimmed his eyes over the form quickly before looking back up and narrowing his eyes, folding his arms.
"You are an excellent Turk, Cissnei," he said quietly. "Why this?"
"I have to." she said defiantly, wanting it to be over so she could walk out and not be forced to answer any more questions.
"I'm not sure if I should allow this," Tseng said thoughtfully and Cissnei held her breath nervously. "You are incredibly valuable. Have you fallen in love with Zack Fair?"
Cissnei's cheeks burned in embarrassment and she shook her head stiffly.
"I just don't want to continue any more." she said. "I'm only seventeen. I... I want to do other things with my life."
Tseng was silent for a moment and picked up her form again, reading through it more thoroughly than he had before. After a few moments of silence he sighed and looked up, not looking very happy.
"Alright," he said slowly. "But it's only because you're young with your whole life ahead of you to realise your mistake and come back."
Cissnei slowly let out the breath she was holding.
"Thank you."
After only a bit more discussion about what would happen, Cissnei walked out of the ShinRa building as a civilian. She didn't know whether she would ever return, but for now she knew exactly what she was planning on doing.
*
When Cissnei arrived in Modeoheim a few days later, she didn't know where to go first. Last she knew, this was where Zack had been headed, so she hoped either he or the person he was following was still there.
The houses that she could see all looked as though they were falling apart and she sighed quietly to herself, pulling her jacket tighter to keep warm.
She chose to walk aimlessly at first, not knowing where to go and deciding to wander in the hopes of seeing something that might give her a clue of what to do next. Any one of the abandoned houses could be where he was, so was she meant to investigate every single one?
Standing still for a moment and closing her eyes, Cissnei tried to concentrate. Why was it that just because she had set off on a mission of her own she suddenly couldn't remember anything she had been taught? It was like she had been stripped of all her knowledge and she felt exposed without it.
With her eyes still closed, she suddenly heard a sound behind her. It sounded like footsteps on the snow coming closer to her.
Her heart speeding up rapidly, she opened her eyes and spun around, ready to face whatever was there even if it was a monster of some sort.
Her shock at what she saw made her slip on the ground, embarrassing her as she had to fight to keep standing. Her cheeks burned as the blood rushed to them and she lowered her eyes, wishing the snow would swallow her up.
"He left already," the man in front of her said softly. "You won't find him here."
"You mean Zack?" she asked, looking up again. She wished her heart would slow down so that the man's mako enhanced ears wouldn't have a chance of hearing the fast pace and wondering what was wrong with her.
"He's the one you're meant to be following, isn't he?" the man asked curiously.
"Well, I was. But I-" Cissnei swallowed nervously. "I quit."
The man froze, his eyes widening as they stared at her.
"Cissnei..." he whispered, slowly taking the last few steps to her so that he was standing right in front of her. "Why did you do that?"
"I had to find you." Cissnei said quickly and quietly.
"No, no this is stupid-"
"Please, Genesis! You don't understand. I need you!" Cissnei said in a rush, looking up at him with wide, hopeful eyes that pierced into him. She felt as though she was going to cry just from watching him, as she hadn't realised the full extent of his degradation.
"I'm a monster, Cissnei." Genesis murmured, reaching out a hand to carefully wipe a stray tear that had escaped. "There's no hope."
"You are not a monster!" Cissnei cried, not being able to hold herself together any longer and suddenly throwing herself into his arms. Genesis stumbled backwards in shock before tentatively putting his arms around her and hugging her.
"Cissnei..."
"I always wanted to be able to fly." Cissnei murmured into his chest. "So please, let me stay with you."
Genesis didn't speak for a while, simply enjoying the feel of holding her. But he knew it wouldn't last. "Cissnei, it's too dangerous."
"I can look after myself!" Cissnei retorted, her hands tightening around him and small tremors from her body being passed on to his.
"I don't doubt that. But I can't promise you that I'll-"
He stopped, not wanting to finish that and half hoping she wouldn't even know what he had been going to say. But her whole body tensed and slowly, so slowly, she lifted her head to look up at him. There were tears in her eyes and shock all over her face.
"You'll find someone," she whispered. "Someone to help you."
"What if I don't?" Genesis asked, posing the question to her in almost a whisper. It was then that Cissnei realised how tired he looked. It was amazing how he could pull himself together in front of her and actually convince her for a while that he was fine.
"I still want to be with you." Cissnei replied.
"What will you do if I die?" he asked, his voice louder now. He gently pushed her away from him and shook his head. "I don't want you to be around if that happens."
"What makes you so sure that you're going to die?" Cissnei asked with an annoyed frown.
"I'm just trying to prepare you for the worst." he said.
"I'm prepared." Cissnei said defiantly. "But I don't believe you're going to die."
Genesis frowned and turned away from her, not wanting to look in her eyes any more. They only showed just how serious she was and he wished she wasn't. He didn't want to have to worry about her being with him. He just wanted to go back to believing that she was working as a Turk and would still be there when – and if – he came back.
"Are you going to let me stay?" Cissnei asked nervously after a moment, fearing his silence.
"You may have to wait a few days before you get to fly," Genesis murmured to her with a sigh. "If you can do that then... I have nothing else to say."
"Nothing else to say at all?" Cissnei asked quietly, stepping closer to him again and slipping her slender fingers between his, holding tightly. "Because I could think of something."
"I'm not apologising." Genesis said instantly. "I'm not sorry."
"I was thinking more along the lines of," she stood on tiptoe, moving so that her lips were as close to his ear as possible before finishing with, "I love you."
Genesis swallowed and turned to face her, pain in his eyes. "You know I do."
"I'm sorry Genesis, but I can't bear to be without you any longer." Cissnei murmured, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.
"I forgive you for it." Genesis whispered, taking a deep breath and then pulling her against him tightly, closing his eyes. Hugging her like this, he never wanted to let go again.
