Disclaimer: I don't own Kannazuki no Miko, or Kannaduki no Miko, or whatever the heck you call it (stupid Japanese and their ridiculous words), nor do I profit from writing about it.
Loving Sin
I am a damned soul.
I know this. I won't fool myself into thinking otherwise. I know that my sins are beyond forgiveness by any mortal, any deity…even by the most forgiving, kind person to ever live.
Himeko. My great love, and sin. The woman I hurt.
When I caused her pain…when I raped her…I shot a mockingbird. I ripped the wings from an angel. I murdered a unicorn. I wounded the greatest purity I've ever known, could ever imagine, and damned myself with a sin as hideous as its victim is innocent.
I do realize that I have become a demon beyond redemption. But I try not to think about it. Instead, I focus on my goal, on striving toward it. I had a choice to make that night, and I knew I was damned either way.
I could stay silent about what I remembered and realized. Himeko and I would never revive Ame no Murakumo thanks to my own failure, and Souma would continue to be the only defense we had against the Orochi. A timed existence, whose only possible end would be Souma's eventual defeat or engulfment, leading to the destruction of everything…including Himeko.
Or I could choose the path I have, to be the sacrifice needed to save the world, to save Himeko's world and her with it. To make my beloved Himeko hate me, believe me a devil lost to darkness, and give her the strength of anger to take my life and thus save her own. And once the ritual is done, she can return to a happy, bright life with those she cares for, without the burden of regret for having slain the evil monster to bring it about.
When I inflict unspeakable cruelties on Himeko, I think only of saying my empty lines, only of the fact that what I do will save her and the world she loves. It is a perverse thing, to focus on my love for Himeko as I hurt her, and one more sin I must bear.
But whether or not I can bear to contemplate my deeds, even if my intention is to save and defend Himeko's life at the cost of mine, make no mistake…I do know that I am an evil creature for my actions, born of love or not. Only one person is pure enough to forgive such evil, and she is the one I endeavor to make myself unredeemable to.
I am Chikane. I damn myself for a love so intense that it is a cruelty to be touched by it.
